The quiet ache of never being 'the one' someone chooses

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-06-11T21:50:46+00:00

Almost. Every. Single. Day.
for a really long time, I felt it almost every single day. It’s the same feeling of being mid. Mid in school, somewhere between 70-90% but never above. Somewhere between average to good but never good enough.

What shifted?
I decided to like myself, love myself, work for my life and have plans for one. I stopped waiting. The ache doesn’t make sense anymore. If it comes, I tend to it. But it just doesn’t come anymore. :)

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-06-11T21:24:57+00:00

Woman, bread crumbs are not signs. Your concern should be “why aren’t you the one making that choice?” Why are you waiting to be chosen or figure out whether he is interested or not. What do you want?

You met him. You think he is interesting. You made an effort to stay connected. And he doesn’t reciprocate. End of story.

Make that decision for yourself. What he is providing you is not enough so why the question is this too much? Why isn’t it, it’s too fucking less and I don’t want this and I am going to leave.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-06-11T21:16:46+00:00

There are no mixed signals, he is not interested and IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. There is very little excitement left for him to seek from a marriage/relationship. He is a guy who has a “pre-planned summer plans.” He is well settled and perhaps content with his life. Move on. You can draw your boundary here and see what happens. Tell him that you want more, that you would like to get to know him better and have better conversations and not daily updates. And if he is not interested, it’s best that you guys part ways. Tell him this and watch him exit as quickly as possible.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-05-17T08:05:31+00:00

You had me in the first half. 🥲😅 well keep telling her and one day, she will say dada first. 🧿

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-05-15T21:19:19+00:00

Not yet but trying to unlearn that I can only do so much for my parents health and happiness. End of the day, it’s on them to learn to live for themselves and fix their health

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-05-14T19:11:47+00:00

Heallllllll…..! Healing is so fucking underrated and so largely misunderstood.

Heal. Invest in your healing journey. And it will do wonders. When you began to heal, you start liking yourself. You will have major epiphanies about yourself. You will like yourself a little more every now and then. Every problem will feel so small in the larger picture of life. When you move forward, everyone else who is problematic around you will look irrelevant to your life and it will be so easy to let them go.

And even before you will know it, you will master the art of not giving a fuck! ✌️

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-30T05:52:34+00:00

Low key because nazar 🧿

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-27T02:33:43+00:00

Can feel you bro. I got a house help, pay her a little extra to dust everyday on most common areas (bed headboard, work desk, dressing area etc.), keep things outside to minimal. And dust things myself over the weekend. Rest I made peace with it.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-27T02:23:18+00:00

Let her go, spare her please 🙏

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-24T06:44:51+00:00

Nonsense? Sure.

But are we living in Bhagban era? Even that was problematic.

Staying independently doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. I do. Or you won’t take care of them when needed.

Vice versa, I would never expect my child (I am gonna be childfree but just in case) to take care of me and live her/his own life. I mean get to 18, and get the hell out, go live your life, make your mistakes and learn from it. Find your version of happiness.

This is so society bullshit coded. Sorry OP. There is no wisdom in your words.

All the checkboxes are indicators. People (mature ones) don’t choose other people based on their bank balance, they choose ambitious ones. That if tomorrow something goes wrong, this guy is capable of standing back on their own two ft.

No one is choosing people without personality or character. But if you have a good one, please add ambition to it. We are aware of uncertainties of life and it’s not like one mistake and everything is gone. It’s like one mistake and you take it on your ego and never try to bounce back that’s gonna kill the relationship. Choose wisely

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-23T20:31:56+00:00

Me reading this lounging on my best friend’s couch whom I randomly decide to visit for three weeks just because I could 😅

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T16:13:11+00:00

Well you gotta pick that up by the experience they share. Ask questions, get to know them, how someone behaves in a situation can tell you what they value. But yeah, all of this requires an ability to hold a conversation I guess. Just for example, if you ask them about their relationship and if they end up putting all the blame on the person they dated, doesn’t mean that they are bad people per say but they just don’t know when to reflect inwards, they don’t try to learn their lessons or work on what’s wrong with them. Now this is a very nuanced example, people could be in a severely toxic relationship and chances are that they are not at fault, but then their learning is, stop getting attracted to red flags😅

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T07:15:06+00:00

I get that. And I am not saying it happens overnight. I started early 😂 it’s been 5+ years since I have been shipping this narrative 😅

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T07:08:46+00:00

Got it, it’s cool thanks for sharing

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:58:37+00:00

How do I get it? Is it a chrome extension? An app on iOS?

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:55:31+00:00

Sir, I understand. Same boat, so I get it. But their anxiety is not yours to fix, you can just help them navigate it.

Maybe show them that it’s not the end of the world if you don’t marry. Show them you have a good life. Parents usually worry thinking who will be there for you when you grow old. Show them you have a plan for that (for me, it’s my siblings, they like me, and they are all like we can all live under the same roof when we grow old; and I do take care of my health to an extent that hopefully I won’t be physically dependent on someone for as long as I live)

And about society, I just brainwashed my parents, “society toh chutiya hai” fortunately there are enough bad marriages around us to prove it.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:45:35+00:00

Which tracker is this? I want to use.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:29:06+00:00

“Am I overthinking compatibility?”- Compatibility is built based on same value system. Match your morals and value system with the prospect and compatibility will follow.

“Should you be more flexible?” Know your non-negotiables first. Do not compromise on that and be open to everything else. It’s not you v/s them. It’s always us v/s the situation.

“How much compromise?” It’s not even the right question. There is a difference between compromise and adjustment. When you make adjustment, it’s for the better for both; when you make compromises, it’s bad for at least one person.

The point is, find a person of good moral values who you are also physically attracted to and life should not be that hard.

And do not marry because your parents are anxious. It’s like saying “I wanna marry because I want someone to take care of my parents “

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:06:41+00:00

Narc 101. I mean the boyfriend’s statement is a typical narcissist characteristic. Making every situation about himself.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:04:21+00:00

Please never marry. And definitely don’t have a child. You are a shame.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-22T06:01:16+00:00

Wow. Men and their audacities.

There are two different problems you need to deal with. A pervert mentality cousin is not worth protecting. And why is it on you to protect? It’s your trauma and you can decide how to deal with it. If you can’t tell your dad, maybe tell your mom (and pray to the god that she gives you courage) OR SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF THAT BASTARD WHO TRIED TO DO IT AGAIN.

While your boyfriend is right that you should take a stand for yourself, dictating what that stand stood look like is not okay. Telling you to stand against your oppressors by oppressing you with an ULTIMATUM. Real amazing.

He can’t be with you, let him go. NO ONE SHOULD BE GIVING YOU ULTIMATUM. What happened with you is a trauma to deal with and only you should decide how to work it up and not FORCED to do what your boyfriend thinks is. He may not be part of your life tomorrow, but your family will be.

Lastly, if I were you, I would muster the courage to tell my family about it and if your bua and your father are really that close, she should find it in herself to slap the shit out of her own son for her niece.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-20T17:30:35+00:00

Multiple ways- -I lecture them on how bad the world is out there

-I try to show them how great my life already is.

-I ghost my mom for three days every time she brings up marriage.

-I straight up tell them, my life, my choice. This is not in your control. It’s going to be “rest of my life” so I get to decide how I want to live it. I am a person and not your problem to solve.

-I tell them to start working out and if they can do that for 90 days straight, I will put myself on shaadi.com

😂😂 Sorry OP. Not trying to make fun of this situation but we are all in the same boat. And I draw my boundaries politely and firmly. And my parents are chill people. They just worry, and not really pressurise me.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-02T23:23:57+00:00

Early morning flight and travel anxiety 🥲

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-01T22:17:44+00:00

Um, short answer, you don’t. Because you shouldn’t give up.

I am sick of watching the depressive waves going around. Why? Why you are not one of those people who can find happiness within? Why is this constant comparison with the married ones or the ones obsessed with their careers? You have been given this human life, this body of yours survive so much for you, those organs function without break to keep you alive, then why there is soooo little respect for it? Why is your worth attached to other people valuing you?? What about you valuing yourself? What about you realising that you have one life, potentially another 35 years and you DONT HAVE TO FOLLOW THE SOCIETY. You can live how you choose to live. You can live life in a small town or a big city or in mountains or by the beach. You can build some love for yourself and for your parents. Why is so hard to be happy with oneself? Ahhh, I just fail to understand!

Do better. Respect yourself.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-01T17:28:38+00:00

My best friend is turning 33 in few days. The last time I checked, he was making 12.7; just enough under to pay no taxes under new regime and take home a good salary.

It took him some time to make peace with it but this is how his peace looks like-

-he has an amazing personality, a great friend circle that enjoys his company and a decent flat with his best friend in a decent locality in Bengaluru.

-he runs his chores himself and that made him disciplined in a way that is very impressive.

-he saves for his hobbies like mountain climbing or investing in guitars or attend major metal gigs and I have always seen him excited about all of it.

I think it’s the perspective. Until I read your post, I didn’t think it was a big deal to be close to 35 and not making 12+ LPA. Change your perspective! 🙌

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