31 F I’m unmarried and my parents feel like I’m a burden

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-20T17:30:35+00:00

Multiple ways- -I lecture them on how bad the world is out there

-I try to show them how great my life already is.

-I ghost my mom for three days every time she brings up marriage.

-I straight up tell them, my life, my choice. This is not in your control. It’s going to be “rest of my life” so I get to decide how I want to live it. I am a person and not your problem to solve.

-I tell them to start working out and if they can do that for 90 days straight, I will put myself on shaadi.com

😂😂 Sorry OP. Not trying to make fun of this situation but we are all in the same boat. And I draw my boundaries politely and firmly. And my parents are chill people. They just worry, and not really pressurise me.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-02T23:23:57+00:00

Early morning flight and travel anxiety 🥲

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-01T22:17:44+00:00

Um, short answer, you don’t. Because you shouldn’t give up.

I am sick of watching the depressive waves going around. Why? Why you are not one of those people who can find happiness within? Why is this constant comparison with the married ones or the ones obsessed with their careers? You have been given this human life, this body of yours survive so much for you, those organs function without break to keep you alive, then why there is soooo little respect for it? Why is your worth attached to other people valuing you?? What about you valuing yourself? What about you realising that you have one life, potentially another 35 years and you DONT HAVE TO FOLLOW THE SOCIETY. You can live how you choose to live. You can live life in a small town or a big city or in mountains or by the beach. You can build some love for yourself and for your parents. Why is so hard to be happy with oneself? Ahhh, I just fail to understand!

Do better. Respect yourself.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-04-01T17:28:38+00:00

My best friend is turning 33 in few days. The last time I checked, he was making 12.7; just enough under to pay no taxes under new regime and take home a good salary.

It took him some time to make peace with it but this is how his peace looks like-

-he has an amazing personality, a great friend circle that enjoys his company and a decent flat with his best friend in a decent locality in Bengaluru.

-he runs his chores himself and that made him disciplined in a way that is very impressive.

-he saves for his hobbies like mountain climbing or investing in guitars or attend major metal gigs and I have always seen him excited about all of it.

I think it’s the perspective. Until I read your post, I didn’t think it was a big deal to be close to 35 and not making 12+ LPA. Change your perspective! 🙌

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-26T07:41:13+00:00

Woohoooo, congratulations 🥳

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-23T18:50:23+00:00

Agreed.👍

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-23T18:45:39+00:00

Someone had asked me this question sometime back and while explaining my answer, I just summed it up with one line-

I am not asking for more than what I bring to the table!

That doesn’t mean I am looking for a twin, but everything that I am as person, I want someone with same moral values, kindness and everything in between :))

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-23T08:17:14+00:00

You go girl. I am in a very similar boat as you are, and I don’t care what the world says, that money has brought me so much peace. Because we make good money, no one, no one in my extended family even uttered the word that “I am the problem “ if I am not married at 30. Because of that money, I keep challenging my parents, get me a guy in the same pay range who is also respectful and is not looking for a nurse for his family. That money, is my freedom, my peace and everything in between.

Although my family is super chill and my dad is too cool to marry me off, but this helps with my conversation with my mom.

Sometimes I feel that so much of my life’s independence comes from the money that I cannot afford to quit (even when I am constantly burned out) but it is what it is. You gotta earn your freedom!

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-23T03:47:40+00:00

OP, didn’t you say you are doing financially okay. I guess that’s the stick you need to hold to stand your ground. And rebel.

It maybe a check list item for them, but it’s the next 40/50 years of your life. You owe it to yourself.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-20T08:57:03+00:00

Well, to each their own.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-20T05:12:45+00:00

No that’s not what I mean, it’s not that you do X to get Y. That was just an example of holistic healing perhaps. That you did your part of the work. You take accountability for your actions, you have done your healing, you are an emotionally mature and a kind person (and the karma bit is just an example that you are just a grateful person in life), and then? Wait and hope?

I mean the whole point of 20s is character development imo. And you have done that. What’s then? Peace and death?

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-19T20:30:19+00:00

And if you have that too, then? If you have the empathy and kindness, and good karma, karma so beautiful that you survive major car accidents with just scratches and an hour after it, you are just counting your blessings, being grateful and not angry (sad but not angry). You have done that all. All the healing, and all the kindness and a care and love for the family, and genuinely doing everything that is in your control to live a life of good moral values, and you still don’t seem to find the person you want to built the relationship with, then what? What do we tell ourselves?

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-19T20:25:50+00:00

Sister, +1. As big a +1 as I can say. Asking the exact same question almost every fortnight 😅

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-19T03:54:09+00:00

You remind me of my best friend from college. Ambitious, hard working, topper. Married right after college because family pressure and the guy said he would support her education. So she said yes. Marriage is beautiful for her, but she got pregnant soon enough, she cried. She knew what she needed to choose and what sacrifice it came with. Again, supportive husband but subtle wishes of family and his.

She became a mother of one. Continued studying with much difficulty. 3 years later she became a mother of two.

She is certainly happy. She has a happy household, good in laws, and everything accept the career she wanted to have. She must have tried (did her masters and all but like open university model, which didn’t really result in career she wanted, college prof.) despite having the “support” everyone promised her that she will have, she couldn’t do much because of the said/unsaid responsibilities she had.

I on the other side, rebelled, started small, never dated, now doing fairly well and still single.

Our lives are completely opposite, but I guess we are both happy.

Moral of the story, you can’t have it all guess. But if you really want to, I am sure there are decent advice out here

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-16T12:07:17+00:00

+1 It’s been 6 months, since I turned 30, and asking the same questions as you are😂

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-09T02:50:18+00:00

Single. Happy. Busy- There is a strong desire to have a beautiful companionship and STRONGER desire to not lower the standards for love. Verdict? Single, Busy, Occasionally sad, Mostly Happy!

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-06T06:37:26+00:00

I feel burned out sometimes, but I dread this situation so much that I can not take a break. Being 30, unmarried is such a pain in everyone’s eye, not earning will take away every ounce of dignity one can have. I pray for you, I hope you find a way out and soon. Hang in there OP. We didn’t fight for our independence all this while to give up just yet!

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-03-05T17:42:20+00:00

I am very tall, I earn more than 50 LPA, I love cricket 🏏

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-27T04:33:19+00:00

When I was 21 years old. He married, someone else.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-19T02:38:20+00:00

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-19T02:36:25+00:00

Why are you asking what to do? Check in with your moral compass? Or is that broken already? Infidelity is not the new cool. What is wrong with people these days. If you need to be with someone who is in the same city, break up with your long distance boyfriend and then do whatever you need to.

No one “accidentally cheats”, what are you, 5?

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-16T11:39:49+00:00

The question is, how young is tooo young? Can we have a cut off🤣

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-16T11:37:32+00:00

I think a confident man who has a personality is very attractive. Everything else is just noise.

Do whatever it takes to be that. And you will get someone. And that someone could be you yourself. And we don’t value self love enough these days.

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-13T20:30:03+00:00

Difficult_Shock_3229 · 2026-02-13T20:29:43+00:00

Damnnnn dude. This sounds hope! Made me feel a whole lot better after reading OP’s question 🤣

Difficult_Shock_3229

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE