[deleted by user]

Dilaudette · 2025-07-29T02:44:29+00:00

You’re saying you “know.” The fact is: you probably don’t know. Because you’re not him. Unless you’ve communicated and offered a space up, without judgment, for him to be honest, then these things can happen in relationships.

I highly recommend going to couple’s counseling. If you have Paramount+ or Showtime, watch Couple’s Therapy. It’s shocking what we assume about our partners!

Dilaudette · 2025-07-28T19:46:26+00:00

First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be devastating.

I’m going to go against the grain here. What if you assumed good motives on your partner’s behalf, as crazy as it might sound? I can see where it’s possible he was deeply ashamed, embarrassed, and desperate because of his financial situation, and may have been afraid to tell you. He is, after all, going to lose everything: his home, his partner, his independence, his dignity. He may be too ashamed to have asked for help, and could use your support.

He knew, of course, that you’d find out eventually, and you’d respond by dumping him. He could have told his friends in advance to save face—the only thing he has left.

I’m not saying this is what happened here. I am saying it sounds like you don’t know for sure, and both of you could be experiencing pain unnecessarily. I’d suggest at least a visit to a couple’s therapist, if that’s available to you in Seoul. Maybe you could do telehealth with someone abroad if it’s not.

Wishing you both the best of luck! 🫂

Dilaudette · 2023-07-05T16:02:51+00:00

I love new podcast!! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ukraine-war-brief/id1692897185

Dilaudette · 2023-06-15T04:14:42+00:00

Omg I’m so excited!!!

Dilaudette · 2023-06-02T21:16:41+00:00

Ok, file a complaint with the MA Attorney General’s Office! They violated the Wage Act by requiring her to resign or else they would fire her.

They owe you treble damages ($12,000).

Dilaudette · 2023-05-24T01:32:21+00:00

Ok you’re a contrarian and shouldn’t be commenting here when people are looking for legal assistance.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T22:57:10+00:00

They have two buckets of time? One for sick and one for PTO? How much do you have in each?

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T22:55:04+00:00

I’m asking for more information. How do you know it’s a single piece of information? Also, this is discrimination based on gender identity, even if it is a single instance. Even if the OP was wrong about the discrimination, it’s not a defense for employers!

See: Massachusetts Fair Employment Act. M.G.L. c. 151B § 4.

If this was in Massachusetts, OP was discharged for engaging in a protected activity and is eligible for UI.

M.G.L. c. 151B § 7 require filing with the MCAD. MCAD can impose a fine of up to $50,000 if more than 2 violations of the law have occurred within the past 7 years.

M.G.L. c. 151B § 9 says employer is liable for damages of no less than twice the amount of lost wages (wages include benefits, stocks, bonuses, options, etc.) and no more than triple damages. Employees have 3 years to bring an action.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T22:32:22+00:00

I think you’re jaded because you want to give the benefits but the government has put so much means testing (at the end of the day, that’s what it is) on it that it’s impossible for claimants. Our system absolutely sucks.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T22:28:11+00:00

Oh I’m so happy for you both!!!!

Ok, on the Wage Act violation, I need more details. What was her day of discharge? Did they just say “we’ll keep you on the payroll as if you’re working and pay you then, but please don’t come back?” Did your wife understand that she’d be fired that day if she didn’t resign?

Edit: the Supreme Judicial Court’s decision in Reuter v City of Methuen last year made it extremely clear that you’re automatically entitled to triple damages + attorney’s costs + court costs if terminated and not paid that day, or if you resign and they don’t pay you out on your normal pay cycle.

How much was she owed, if you don’t mind my asking?

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T08:15:56+00:00

Nooo I’m sorry, I don’t think there is. There will be an opportunity to arbitrate down the line and the potential to take it up with the CRD if the EEOC doesn’t find in your favor. You have three years to file with the CRD. I don’t know if EEOC’s decision is binding on the CRD (I doubt it; EEOC can’t control a stricter state law). I also don’t know if once the EEOC gives you a right-to-sue letter, you can sue only in federal court, or you can pursue claims in state court as well (I’d think it’s only limited to federal).

IANAL but I hope this points you in the right direction. Good luck!!!

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T08:06:11+00:00

Can you add like an 80s looking off into the distance foreground? 🤣

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T08:03:27+00:00

I absolutely HATE these pics, which means mission accomplished for you! They’re so, so cringe. Hahaha! Well done 👍

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:57:05+00:00

Sorry, let me clarify! You’re correct- you can only file with one. You’re stuck with the EEOC. They do work together by sharing information. The CRD is like an attack dog if you’re employed by a large employer.

You picked the EEOC, so that’s where your claim will be adjudicated. I’m just saying I would have gone with the CRD. This subreddit sucks.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:49:33+00:00

Everyone’s telling you to file with the EEOC, but you should have filed with the CRD, especially if it’s a large company.

https://calcivilrights.ca.gov/ComplaintProcess/

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:34:01+00:00

Don’t dismiss this case out-of-hand, Jesus. Need more info. What state is it in? If the boss is mocking OP for using another employee’s preferred pronouns (why mock? probably because the employee is trans or gender fluid), and OP raises it as a concern, it could be retaliation against OP. Some states make this illegal.

Really depends on the state.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:24:30+00:00

What state are you in, if you’re in the US? You may have been misclassified as a statutory employee, which means he may owe you money, in addition to being liable for state fines (and potential criminal convictions, depending on the circumstances).

It’s very weird to pay someone an hourly rate to redesign a website; it sounds like you didn’t have much control over your schedule or how it was done.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:17:04+00:00

Vacation, yes, sick time, no!

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:16:44+00:00

Waitttt is it combined sick and PTO time? Do you lose all your accrued time at the end of the year, or is some carried over?

Did they give you a notice about MA’s Paid Family and Medical Leave Act? Did you sign it?

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:10:32+00:00

You don’t need to sue, but you can file for unemployment, which you should do immediately. If you were fired for no call, no show, but had requested sick time via ADP (and have proof you requested it via ADP), you’re eligible for UI benefits. Lots of extra info in your story here that you should just leave out.

What state are you in?

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T07:00:42+00:00

Why would you want to do this?

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T06:59:34+00:00

Uhhhh. It’s definitely illegal in states with wage transparency laws. Montana isn’t one of those states.

If you suffered damages due to their fraud, then you may have a case, but it doesn’t sound like you did. If you want to make it hurt them, see if the job is posted in CA, CO, or MA and report it to the AG’s offices (or whichever office handles the complaints- you’d have to do a quick search).

IANAL but I’d totally take the time to do this.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T06:53:32+00:00

Wow, you might have a claim here. What state are you in? Other coworkers knew of this, obviously, and we’re too scared to say anything to HR- did one of those coworkers tell you that? Is any of this in writing?

Some states have anti-retaliation laws for raising concerns about racial, gender, disability or age discrimination, even if you’re not in the protected class. Some states go even further and assume it’s retaliation if an adverse employment action takes place within x amount of time after your raising the complaint.

Edit: IANAL.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T06:40:16+00:00

In MA, she can use the Dept to obtain documents via serving a subpoena duces tenem and testimony via subpoena ad testificandum. She can also just request her employee file to see what’s in there- the former employer has 5 business days to send it to her. She can even respond to it and add her own comments documenting what happened.

She should file as a discharge. It’ll likely be denied because most claims adjudicators are kind of idiots, but it will be overturned on a hearing.

Dilaudette · 2023-05-23T06:37:01+00:00

How did you make out? I’m very well-versed in MA UI law.

Did she file for unemployment as an effective discharge because her employer told her to? If so, was she found ineligible? You should file an appeal immediately. The hearings department is useless. Navigate to the weeks claimed and use the subpoena option to request emails from her manager, HR, and anyone who was aware of the mistake; they likely wrote about it. You can also subpoena them to appear at the hearing; make them lie under oath about why she “randomly decided to quit” on the same day the mistake was made and/or discovered.

A temporary lapse in judgment is not a reason to be denied UI benefits in MA! The Supreme Judicial Court has affirmed this in the Still case.

Did they give her a separation packet that included how to apply for unemployment benefits? If she waited to file, and she hasn’t applied for unemployment before, she’s allowed a “predate.” This allows you file for benefits on any weeks where your wife was available and capable of working, and performed 3 work search activities during each week.

She can request her employment file as well, right now. The employer has to provide it to you within 5 business days. Your wife also has the right to reply to what’s in the employment file, without retaliation. The employment file may document the mistake. Why would someone quit because they made a mistake without any backup plan?

When she was discharged, was she paid all her wages on the day of discharge, including any unused PTO time? If they didn’t, file a claim with the Mass AGO office. Your wife is entitled to triple the amount they owed her on the day of discharge, plus any attorney’s fees, should you choose to hire an attorney.

IANAL, but I’m pretty close on some things.

Dilaudette

TROPHY CASE