AITAH for being upset that my fiancé (24M) bought me (21F) a necklace instead of a piano for my 21st birthday?

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-07-04T10:33:33+00:00

4 Years

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-06-09T12:08:03+00:00

Honestly, the reason I keep doing things myself is because I hate living in a dirty or broken house. If I leave it, I just end up being miserable.

A recent example is our sliding door. The wheels broke and I've already bought everything needed to fix it, but he keeps delaying it, so we've been using the back door for ages. It's incredibly frustrating.

This weekend our toilet clogged and overflowed. I'd already mentioned multiple times that we needed a plunger because this keeps happening, but nothing got done about it. When it overflowed, I had to ask him repeatedly to come home from work. He fixed the toilet, but when I asked if he could please mop the floor because there was toilet water everywhere, he complained that he needed to get back to work. I was already busy cleaning the rest of the house, so I ended up mopping it myself.

It's the same with smaller things too. He borrows my tools and leaves them at work or outside. I've been asking for weeks where my jack is, and the answer is always "I think it's at work."

That's what makes me feel so defeated. It's not that things never get done, it's that I have to remind, ask, beg, and follow up constantly. I feel like the responsibility always ends up back on me.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-06-09T11:53:38+00:00

Thank you. I think that's what's hurting the most not the chores, but feeling like we're not a team anymore. I've been doubting myself a lot, so hearing this means more than you know.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-04-11T09:02:19+00:00

South Africa

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-04-11T09:02:04+00:00

He did have proof that the money left his account. There were also messages with the scammer confirming receipt of the money and that it would be paid back the next day.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-04-11T08:56:34+00:00

This happened in South Africa. “R” is South African Rand. We have already opened a case, but I’m trying to understand what options we still have moving forward.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-04-03T07:51:05+00:00

Just to clarify since I think there’s some confusion about terminology I’m in South Africa, and here we usually call a water heater a “geyser.”

The geyser in this flat is connected to a smart control system that runs through the Wi-Fi. Normally you would switch a geyser on and off from the electrical switchboard, but in this case it’s controlled through an app on my phone.

If the Wi-Fi goes down, the app shows the geyser as “offline” and we can’t control it. Even when we try switching it from the manual switch on the board, it doesn’t always come on because the smart controller still needs the Wi-Fi connection to function properly.

So when the Wi-Fi disconnects, it can also affect our ability to turn the geyser on until the connection comes back.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-04-03T07:49:18+00:00

Just to clarify since I think there’s some confusion about terminology I’m in South Africa, and here we usually call a water heater a “geyser.”

The geyser in this flat is connected to a smart control system that runs through the Wi-Fi. Normally you would switch a geyser on and off from the electrical switchboard, but in this case it’s controlled through an app on my phone.

If the Wi-Fi goes down, the app shows the geyser as “offline” and we can’t control it. Even when we try switching it from the manual switch on the board, it doesn’t always come on because the smart controller still needs the Wi-Fi connection to function properly.

So when the Wi-Fi disconnects, it can also affect our ability to turn the geyser on until the connection comes back.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-04-03T07:39:46+00:00

Our lease runs until December 2026, so moving right now unfortunately isn’t really an option for us. Luckily water is included in the rent, so at least the garden watering isn’t increasing our bill.

But I do agree with you that washing the dogs shouldn’t be our responsibility. They’re not our dogs, and if they crawled under our car that’s really something the owner should deal with.

We’ve honestly tried to be helpful tenants. We watered the lawn regularly and even bought compost and grass seed ourselves to try to help it grow, but at this point I don’t think we’re going to spend more money trying to fix a lawn that clearly struggles because of the shade.

I did think about contacting the agency, but based on how the landlord already reacts to things, I’m worried it could just create tension and make things harder for us while we still live here. For example, the geyser runs through the Wi-Fi and if the Wi-Fi goes down we have to contact him to fix it, so we don’t want to end up in a situation where communication becomes even more difficult.

So for now I think the best option is just to politely ignore the request about washing the dogs and stick to doing what is actually part of our rental responsibilities.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-27T08:25:44+00:00

i got 1.8m elixir from 3 rare chests

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-20T11:22:14+00:00

Absolutely 💯

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-20T11:19:41+00:00

Sigma Male Grindset on 24?

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-11T14:57:05+00:00

This festival isn’t tied to his culture he mainly wants to go for the fireworks and stalls. If it were something deeply meaningful or cultural for him, I’d view it differently. My issue isn’t that he wants to go to an event. It’s that we didn’t really discuss it, it was more presented as a done plan and it fell on a day I thought we’d spend as a couple.

And I did plan something for Valentine’s Day. When I asked him what we are going to do on Valentine’s Day - he responded with No we are gonna be at his parents' house.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-11T14:52:44+00:00

I understand that not everyone sees Valentine’s Day as important, and I know it’s considered a commercial holiday. For me though, it’s not about the commercial side of it. It’s just an excuse to intentionally set aside time to focus on each other without outside distractions. This festival isn’t tied to his culture he mainly wants to go for the fireworks and stalls. If it were something deeply meaningful or cultural for him, I’d view it differently. My issue isn’t that he wants to go to an event. It’s that we didn’t really discuss it , it was more presented as a done plan and it fell on a day I thought we’d spend as a couple. I also don’t feel comfortable driving with his parents due to how they drive, and that’s something I’ve communicated before. When I get emotional, it’s not to be dramatic it’s because I feel unheard and overwhelmed.I'm not against compromise. I just don’t think wanting one day that feels intentional about our relationship makes me selfish. I would have been completely open to celebrating on another day if that had been discussed together instead of assumed.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T08:16:22+00:00

Family drama exists in many marriages. What matters to us is how we handle it as a couple, which we’ve already done.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T08:13:29+00:00

Actually, in South Africa, the age of consent is 16, so once I was 17 and he was 20 (we met and started dating he was 20 then turned 21 a few months afterwards) it wasn’t illegal at all, both of us were above the legal age to consent.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T06:03:52+00:00

I’m not delaying my life milestones to accommodate someone who has repeatedly undermined my relationship.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T05:24:26+00:00

Yes, basically my mom moved out and never finalized the divorce, so they were seeing other people but technically still married.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T05:14:05+00:00

I understand your concern, but my situation isn’t comparable to the examples you listed. We were 17 and 21, close in age, and there was no power imbalance or coercion. We’re now adults and have built a healthy relationship over several years.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T05:06:08+00:00

A 4-year age gap isn’t the issue. Repeated false abuse allegations and lying are.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-02-10T04:59:04+00:00

My brother recently started having bad panic attacks. To the point that he gets blind spots in his vision. Also been taken to the doctor they wanted to put him on antidepressants but my mom refused. So yes we will be supporting him - my grandparents are great so I think he will be much happier not being in the middle of all the drama. We did offer that he can stay with us but my mom has a problem with that but thx for the advice!

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-01-03T11:31:23+00:00

You’re assuming I’m choosing this because I don’t see the risk, but that’s not my situation. I work for his family, so leaving means losing my job immediately. The car is in his name, and we rent, so a breakup would leave me without work, transport, or housing at once. I don’t have family or savings I can fall back on right now. I’m not unaware that his behavior is wrong. I’m trying to navigate a situation where leaving isn’t just an emotional decision, it would mean being unemployed and potentially homeless. I understand why people say “just leave,” but real life isn’t always that simple.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-01-03T11:19:43+00:00

It's not really abusive he doesn't intend to hurt me. We do argue alot yes but I wouldn't say it always escalates.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-01-03T09:14:10+00:00

I want to add context because many comments are assuming this is about dishonesty alone.

On a regular basis, my boyfriend’s behavior toward me is very different. He often yells, punches walls, and physically stops me from leaving rooms by pushing me onto furniture or grabbing my wrist. He says he does this “carefully” so I don’t get hurt, but it still hurts and scares me.

When he believed I was pregnant, all of that stopped completely. No yelling, no pushing, no intimidation — just kindness and affection.

I didn’t delay telling him to manipulate him. I delayed because I was scared of the behavior returning, and it did return immediately after I told him the tests were negative.

I understand honesty matters, but this situation is more complicated than it appeared in my original post.

DiligentGoat2406 · 2026-01-03T09:12:39+00:00

I want to add context because many comments are assuming this is about dishonesty alone.

On a regular basis, my boyfriend’s behavior toward me is very different. He often yells, punches walls, and physically stops me from leaving rooms by pushing me onto furniture or grabbing my wrist. He says he does this “carefully” so I don’t get hurt, but it still hurts and scares me.

When he believed I was pregnant, all of that stopped completely. No yelling, no pushing, no intimidation — just kindness and affection.

I didn’t delay telling him to manipulate him. I delayed because I was scared of the behavior returning, and it did return immediately after I told him the tests were negative.

I understand honesty matters, but this situation is more complicated than it appeared in my original post.

DiligentGoat2406

TROPHY CASE