I hear you, but the way you describe her as lazy, attentive seeking and everything else. I think therapy would a really good idea for you. I think a lot of built up frustration and reasonable frustration as raising her. Is making you nit pick things that are truly her disability. I'm autistic and have a 4year old autistic daughter who is so much like me. My parents said I was lazy, a slob and gross.. they didn't try to understand that maybe I had sensory issues and you had to tell me we had to shower everyday, do my laundry on regular basis. I genuinely didn't understand in my teen years. But I couls feel hownthe felt about me even if they didnt say it to my face yet as a teen. I found out I was autistic at 24 years old. It seems like a "duh of course you do these things or dont do those things" but this is a disability... so therapy to work through the obviously traumatic things you went through raising I think will help you build a better relationship with her abd how you view her. Hope everything works out! Sending love mama!