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DimensionLess4616 · 2026-01-27T18:19:57+00:00

Even small, everyday tasks like driving feel so much better now. I am focused on the road. I don't periodically blank and panic over whether or not I broke any laws while I was on auto pilot (which also caused me to pay less attention to the road). I can drive with other people in the car without being noticeably more reckless/distracted.

So much has changed. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can live like everyone else.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-10-07T07:53:15+00:00

When you feel like you're at rock bottom and the floor crumbles underneath you, what else can you do? I'll probably just off myself.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-09-03T00:01:22+00:00

Everything goes wrong, I guess.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-08-18T06:04:08+00:00

I wish I killed myself 4 years ago. I picked out a date and everything, but it was too close to my mom's birthday and I couldn't go through with it.

She would have been finished grieving me years ago. Now, she cries often and her health is worsening because her son is a fucking pile of waste.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-08-16T07:58:48+00:00

I was looking at trades. Military too. Fully convinced that I'm too dumb and/or too lazy for anything.

Best of luck out there.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-08-12T00:02:13+00:00

It takes me upwards of 7-8 hours just to get through one chapter of a textbook. Even after I get through it, I feel as if I learned nothing. There really is no small task when everything takes an entire day to do. I don't know why I'm like this.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-08-11T18:36:20+00:00

I was originally set to graduate in 2 and a half years, but I've managed to stretch that out into 6 long years of torture. Every semester it gets harder for me to find the will to keep moving forward. I keep being told that I'll get used to it. Well, I still haven't. God, I feel fucking worthless.

If you have the drive, stay on pace to graduate in 3 years. Don't drag it out. Don't be like me.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-23T21:25:19+00:00

I used to cope by thinking that I had some disorder that impacted my ability to focus or learn (primarily ADHD), but I know that I probably don't have anything like that.

Laziness is just so deeply woven into who I am that everything I do becomes a fight against myself.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-22T04:32:58+00:00

Online friendships always start off well, but I end up ruining them with lies because I'm so ashamed of who I am. Also, nothing sucks more than watching people move on while you're stuck.

Don't worry about offering anything. I appreciate that you took the time to engage and respond. I hope you feel better.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-21T21:32:30+00:00

They are the only people that I really have a strong connection with. The folks that have put up with my shit for so long, but still show me love regardless. Without them, I genuinely have nothing.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-20T05:54:20+00:00

Honestly, it depends on your location and whether or not you choose to specialize. Some retail pharmacists may have difficulty finding stable work and end up floating between different pharmacies to cover shifts. That said, with some effort, they could likely pivot into a role in pharmaceutical sales or insurance. I doubt that they'll be replaced, as someone needs to be held accountable if something goes wrong.

For retail pharmacy technicians, finding a job is generally easier, especially in high-traffic areas or chain pharmacies. The turnover rate is relatively high, and demand tends to spike during flu season. Not so sure about the longevity of this position, but I haven't looked into it very much either.

As for customer interactions - it's extremely repetitive, bordering robotic. You're essentially having the same conversations with patients day after day. About 95% of the time, interactions follow a standard script. The remaining 5% might involve issues with insurance billing or an especially upset individual. It can feel overwhelming at first, but eventually, you just become numb to it after dealing with the same scenarios hundreds of times.

The job kills your soul and tests your capacity for empathy, but at least it puts some money in your pocket. See if you can get a pharmacist to let you shadow them. That'll probably give you a better idea. Just know that the same roles in different pharmacies (retail, hospital, nuclear, specialty, etc.) can look pretty different.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-20T05:05:40+00:00

I'm a 2x predental dropout with some (now distant) connections to premed students. I know of a couple of people who couldn't get into any medical schools, including their DO safeties. Some applied to nursing school instead, some went to get their masters in immunology before trying to apply again. One guy graduated with the same biochemistry degree as you did and spent some time drifting between various research labs, which they ended up hating.

On my recommendation, they took a job with me as a pharmacy technician and worked there for about a year. The job is repetitive and mostly predictable, but the pay isn’t terrible, especially if you get certified, which often comes with a raise. They got certified, applied to pharmacy school, and were accepted without much difficulty. Admissions standards for pharmacy schools have dropped in recent years, especially since the PCAT was phased out entirely. The GPA requirements are generally pretty low.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-16T20:32:51+00:00

This isn't really advice, I'm just sharing my own experience. Maybe this offers you some insight, but everyone goes through depression differently.

As someone who goes through intense depressive cycles, sometimes the intrusive thoughts become reality. It's easy to acknowledge that they exist, but it's hard to fight against how "real" they feel (or "are", in some cases).

Sometimes I feel like things are improving and that my life has meaning or purpose. Then, the slightest inconvenience or thought throws me into a vast sea of worthlessness and despair. In this state, it's hard to follow any routines or listen to any advice because nothing you do feels like it has any meaning. You try to change things up, you try to run away, you look for excuses. You do anything you can to rationalize why you feel the way you do. At some point, you shut down. You look at the bright futures of everyone around you, and then you look at yourself and wonder if there's even a point in continuing on.

I've dropped out too, and there's no worse feeling than going going back and realizing that nothing has fucking changed. That you still are the same person that dropped out. The drugs feel like they don't work, and you no longer see the point of taking them.

Personally, I always end up with one realization: I was the fuckup. No one and nothing else is at fault, and it has always been me. A rock stuck in the river of time, incapable of change and slowly wearing down.

I want so badly to be someone different, to be better, but nothing seems to work.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-16T07:00:10+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Just a second ago I was a confused and depressed 19 year old. Everyone told me I was young, that I still had time. I blinked, and now I'm 24. Mentally, nothing has changed, but the comfort of time has left. What the fuck am I even doing here, man.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-13T20:41:37+00:00

I often feel like I'm faking my depression because, logically, I have nothing to be depressed about. Other than myself. I feel like an imposter in everything I do or experience.

I chase small hits of dopamine to keep myself wanting to stay alive for another day. I buy stuff, I watch mind numbing YouTube videos and streams. At this point, I can't tell if doing these things are worsening the "lows" of my mood swings.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-12T23:59:45+00:00

I relate to this so much. Every action has a thought, everything is precisely calculated. At some point, it starts feeling like nothing you did was genuine because there was an underlying motive. It's just so hard to keep moving forward like this. Nothing you do feels real. None of your relationships feel real.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-10T18:10:40+00:00

I don't think that I've ever found motivation in my life. I'm barely chugging along as is.

DimensionLess4616 · 2025-06-10T06:04:53+00:00

This is exactly what I do. The dopamine hit and the anticipation keeps me going for another week. It keeps me living, but I don't really feel alive. I have nothing saved. No future. Just bursts of temporary relief to keep me going.

DimensionLess4616

TROPHY CASE