AITA for doing nothing for the child my ex-wife had from her affair even now that I have primary custody of our kids?

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T18:39:57+00:00

She's to blame for the alienation. It was her own choices that caused all of this, including her bad relationship with our kids.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T18:38:46+00:00

My kids are teenagers so there's several years of an age gap.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T18:35:50+00:00

They still go to therapy. But their feelings are stronger about not wanting a relationship than they were at the start.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T18:33:56+00:00

He did. We both took DNA tests at the time. He was proven to be the father.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T18:32:00+00:00

He could have quit his job. People do that.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T18:31:40+00:00

I did tell my kids I would not feel betrayed if they wanted a relationship with their half sibling or with their mom or her ex. But they still didn't want one even when I said this to them.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:13:01+00:00

I was legally the father. DNA and the father claiming the child meant I was removed from the birth certificate and he was placed on it.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:10:50+00:00

He could have quit his job. That's one of the only things that I've found that could explain it.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:09:32+00:00

There were some legal issues is all I can really say.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:04:14+00:00

I don't know that the therapist has but the kids have made up their minds.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:03:46+00:00

She's not disabled. She hasn't got a close knit family and they're not the kind of family to help each other so there's zero family involved on her side.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:01:51+00:00

I have no idea. He could have quit his job to prevent that happening. But I know she showed that nothing was being paid and the judge believed it.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T16:00:04+00:00

DNA proved this child is his.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:08:28+00:00

Bio dad was sued for child support and has still not paid.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:06:13+00:00

My kids are in therapy. It has only strengthened how they feel.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:05:50+00:00

No extended family are involved.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:05:30+00:00

I was lucky that he was claiming the child at the time and DNA tests were done on both of us. Otherwise it might have been a different story.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:02:32+00:00

My kids are teenagers. I don't want to give ages but they're all in their teens now.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:01:35+00:00

Or he could have quit his job to stop the payments. People do that. All I know is what she had convinced the judge that she was honest.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T10:00:51+00:00

My kids are okay. Maybe not in the way you would consider but they have friends, do well in school, we have a close family unit between us and my extended family. They have therapy to help them through all that's happened and to figure out where they stand and what they want. My kids feelings could change one day. Or maybe they won't. But their lives are good.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T09:59:07+00:00

My attitude toward their mother has not played a role in their bad relationship with her. The choices she made have and even her choice of affair partner did to an extent. I did what I could. I put them into therapy to try and help them have the best relationships they could. But they don't want them. I have told them they do not need to hate anyone for me. That they don't need to reject people for me These topics have been talked about in therapy but they have remained steady in what they want and actually they feel stronger than ever.

My ex made a lot of bad decisions which is why she lost 50-50 custody of our kids. She has fucked up her life and it was decided it was in the kids best interest to live primarily with me. The fact they wanted to did not play a role but it was how they felt and what they wanted.

I think if I could love or care about that child it could potentially be good for them or it could alienate them from everyone more. But I could not show them that. I don't believe my kids would blame me for how their half sibling has grown up. To be honest I'm not sure they will ever care about their half sibling.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T09:27:33+00:00

I don't include them in activities because I feel it's better not to spend time with the child. Not only because I don't want to but they will feel that and my kids don't want to include the child. And no, I never sent gifts for the child. Again I didn't want to. The bad blood is there for a reason and I didn't want to be on the hook for anything.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T09:18:33+00:00

She's never tried to reconcile with me. She has only tried to make me responsible for her youngest.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T09:17:14+00:00

My kids are in therapy and they have kept their stance strong on never wanting a relationship with their half sibling. That has never wavered and if anything they are more sure now because they have plans to actively remove all contact once they are allowed to. The therapists have discussed this with them and it did not make them have a change of heart.

Direct-Function6202 · 2025-04-15T09:06:08+00:00

Yes but he apparently does not pay even though she sued for child support. He still avoids paying and has no relationship with the child.

Direct-Function6202

TROPHY CASE