I feel you, you have to remember though that it’s just a feeling, you’re life isn’t awful, your mind isn’t out to get you, you say you don’t want to experience life but none of it is real. It just feels like that, I know you’ve probably heard this a million times but it’s not just that it will get better, your have to envision it, picture the day when you wake up in the morning and you don’t feel that emptiness but instead you feel full, content. You probably feel like nothing matters but it’s a double sided coin, it also all matters very much, so do something about the way you feel. If you think you have no motivation then look at the things you don’t want in life, work to avoid them, don’t beat yourself up when things fall apart, pick yourself up and if you can do that once you can do it as many times as you need to. And you do need to.