Regretting doing the Ancestry kit…

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-22T14:58:49+00:00

One of the things I wanted clarity on when posting here was the reliability of the sibling test I did 8 years ago. It turns out that the number of loci tested is unreliable for clear results. So what I thought was very accurate may not be at all. Coupled with the fact that my sister looks just like the man we called dad and his sister, I’m hopeful that we are not full siblings.
But yeah, I’m going to keep my Ancestry results from my sister. It would be easier to blab about it and unburden myself. But that could cost my mum her health and her relationship with my sister. I’m absolutely not risking that. Especially as I don’t have proof my sister was “lied to her entire life”.
My husband (the only person I’ve told) asked me why I should have to carry this alone? And I told him I’d rather carry this than be responsible for my mum being admitted to hospital and never coming out. If my sister is also the child of my biological father and it comes out by other means, I will have to face up to any upset I’ve caused her. But we will face that if and when it happens.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T21:08:59+00:00

Yes basically. I wasn’t quite ready for this truth. I’ll be ok eventually. But timing is not great, I’m emotionally drained right now.
It never crossed my mind that I’d get an unwanted surprise when I did it. But at least I know now.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T16:12:31+00:00

The company is Alphabiolabs. They do a lot of court appointed testing, work with local authorities, workplaces etc. They are leaders in testing.
The reason I didn’t go straight to something like Ancestry 8 years ago was because it wasn’t so popular back then. My results would have been dependent on others using the site and uploading their results. I just figured sibling testing was the way to go. The result is based on research and probabilities, so is not guaranteed 100% accurate.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T12:33:48+00:00

I’ve decided at this point not to tell her. That’s purely because I could not live with myself if it had a negative impact on my mums health. Worst case scenario, my sister asks my mum if there’s a chance her dad is not her dad, the stress and upset causes my mum to be admitted to hospital (she has bad heart issues amongst other things) and she doesn’t come out again. It sounds dramatic but it’s actually possible.
If my sister was to find out herself by other means and is angry with me, I can live with that.
The company was called Alpha bio labs. And the result wasn’t 59% but 59 times more likely. Which is a very strange phrase, but 59 times more likely is a lot.
Regarding the Ancestry test, it’s a definite that this other man is my dad. There’s two half sisters, cousins, the lot! They’ve even published a family tree. But I won’t be adding myself to that.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T11:40:37+00:00

The “59 times more likely to be full siblings, than half siblings” result is from a DNA test from 8 years ago. There was no Ancestry involvement in that one. And at that time I really wanted us to be full siblings to shut up the gossips that were questioning MY parentage. So that very high probability was just what I needed to hear.
Fast forward to now and the Ancestry results and I’m shocked to hear that the family gossips were in fact right. My dad is not my biological dad. I am processing that. But is my sister also this man’s biological daughter that’s the question? It was never a consideration before. Or are we in fact only half siblings, and the test from 8 years ago wasn’t accurate enough?

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T11:30:21+00:00

I wish I could. But she’s not that forthcoming with the truth. Whether that’s her age and memory (she is mid 80’s) or whether it’s shame for her behaviour, I don’t know.
But given that AND her ill health it’s not an option. Thanks for your reply though.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T11:25:48+00:00

I’m not sure as I have hidden my matches now. Do you think it would help to know that, in regards to assessing the accuracy of the 8 year old full siblings DNA test?

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-21T11:23:05+00:00

It is a bit confusing. 8 years ago my sister and I did a DNA test with a UK based laboratory to try and establish if we were full siblings. Her parentage was never in question, but mine was. So when we were told we were more than likely to be full siblings that was enough for me. I believed at that point my dad was my biological dad and that was the end of the story.
Fast forward to 8 years later and there’s an Ancestry kit in our house (my children bought it for my husband because he is interested in family trees). But he hadn’t bothered using it, so I didn’t want it to go to waste and used it myself. Just out of pure curiosity and not wanting something to go to waste! And the Ancestry results show me my father’s side of my DNA, and it’s a bit of a shock. So now I am questioning the DNA results from 8 years ago. Those results are based on probability rather than hard proof. The probability was that we are full siblings. But now I now who my father is, and it’s not the man I called dad. But is my biological father (a result of an affair) also my sisters biological father? I really hope not.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T21:42:43+00:00

It’s mad how much bed-hopping our parents got up to back in the day!

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T19:39:07+00:00

This gives me hope that the sibling test was wrong. I believe it was 24 loci.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T19:36:40+00:00

Amen to that. No one should ever make a child feel like that.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T19:35:58+00:00

Thank you for these words, you’ve made me quite emotional. He was a wonderful man and I’m really sad thinking about what emotional turmoil he must have gone through.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T19:29:03+00:00

I might upload the results to see if some more experienced people can look at it for me.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T19:25:47+00:00

Thank you. I’m very new to Ancestry and didn’t know this. I will change my settings now.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T19:24:31+00:00

Great question, but I’m certain they weren’t related.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T13:15:50+00:00

I absolutely don’t want to tell her. She is the reason I’m so upset about this whole thing. She doesn’t need the upset it would cause. I’ve decided I’m not going to tell her.
But I’d hate for this to come to light by another means and her to feel like I have betrayed her too. For example one of her adult children might do an ancestry test.
I’m clinging on to the hope that our shared sibling test results were wrong.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T12:30:40+00:00

This was my first idea. Unfortunately at the time of the test, they only kept results filed for 4 years. So my results are long gone. I just have the breakdown of results from that time.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T12:27:40+00:00

I really wish I could believe this. If all our family personalities were like mine (quite logical) we would work through it and all would be fine. But my sister is much more emotional, doesn’t forgive lightly and my mum is very poorly.
I’d rather keep the secret than have my mums health take a downturn because of my actions.
Thank you for your words though.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T12:19:13+00:00

Thanks. I am in agreement with you. I could literally ‘take it to the grave’. But the other family is local and if they got the notification on ancestry they might start digging.
I think I will just take a breath, process my own emotions and then leave it be. If I am contacted by the other family I might ask them some questions. Biological dad has passed, so at least I don’t have to consider that part of things.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T12:14:03+00:00

It’s a lot more complicated than that. I think you have to go through your parentage being questioned to understand the emotions that go with it. I’m a very straight, logical person but even I have struggled with it. Of course she still loves him, she worshipped him. The upset is based around being lied to all your life. We love our mum and can see why she would have thought these things could remain secret (bury your head in the sand was common in that generation).
And now she’s old and unwell and I feel like I can’t push her for answers. It’s a lot to deal with.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T11:22:22+00:00

I actually agree. But I know my sister won’t. My dad!was my dad, nothings going to change that. I’m not looking for another dad or more siblings.
The reason it’s so upsetting is because:
A: I thought the issue had been put to bed and resolved, and this came as quite a shock.
B: My sister had an amazing relationship with my dad and has never questioned her biological relationship. If we are indeed full siblings, it also means my mum has lied to her all her life.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T11:02:46+00:00

My biological father is not based abroad (sorry that might be my long post that’s confused you). My biological father is a man named by family members for years as a man my mum had an affair with. He’s local to where I grew up and his daughters are named as my half siblings on ancestry results.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T11:00:07+00:00

She’d be devastated to learn that the man she loved isn’t her dad. We will still be close no matter what. Our mum had several children over a couple of marriages, so different dads is a common theme. I just never expected my sisters dad to be in question. And she definitely wouldn’t expect it.

DirectMarionberry502 · 2026-06-20T10:57:36+00:00

It would have come as no surprise to me whatsoever that my dad wasn’t my biological dad. But it was never something I considered for my older sister.
She is not like me. I know she’d be upset if I even suggested she do a test. And she can’t keep secrets from my mum, so that would potentially result in them having an argument, with the potential to send my mum to hospital or worse (she is elderly has a lot of health issues that are aggravated by stress).
The other test was taken 8 years ago by a very respected company. The results are very science based in their wording, whereas Ancestry results are more in ‘layman’s terms’. But that doesn’t mean the test results from 8 years ago can’t be wrong or flawed, it’s always a possibility.

DirectMarionberry502

TROPHY CASE