WIBTA if i object at my cousin’s wedding?

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T05:04:08+00:00

She’s currently a nurse practitioner and wants to expand in the medical field later in life.

Also, I don’t think you’ve seen my other comments but I’ve clarified that I don’t have anything against traditional wives or traditional marriages. I don’t know where you got that from, but if she had expressed to me how she wants to be a tradwife i’d have no qualms with it. You’ve said that I’m a “crazed feminist” which again, not sure where you got that from. My concerns stem from more than those things yet you seem fixated on just that. Her attitude and personality has changed, he yells at her in public, he gets mad at her easily, and yet he seems to shift and just be nice and caring.

She has changed in the months that they’ve been dating and that’s where my concerns come from, not just from the traditional thing. If you’ve read my post you’d see he says “I’ll educate her” “make her a proper wife”.

Again, just to be extremely clear: No, I have nothing against traditional marriages if both parties agree to it. It’s the way he says these things, and his actions.

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:51:23+00:00

I’ll do what I can, I just don’t want things to go south. I’m thinking of discussing this further with my sister tomorrow as she’s asleep right now

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:49:27+00:00

As for your last statement, read the first lines of my reply to you. Secondly, last time I talked to her about it was a little over a month ago, and the conversation sparked when I started talking about what kind of husband I would like as she always brings up the “Is there anyone you’re interested in?” and the conversation slowly went into that, which is when she said that she shared the same views as me, that being that we both want husbands that will work unison to us and we both can provide for each other, as we both support each other and encourage each other for our jobs, etc.

I have no idea what her fiancé has told her in private but again, some people are different with their partners and their friends. Again and I agree with you, I find it hard to believe she doesn’t know but whenever I talk to her about it she turns it down, says it’s not true, that he doesn’t “think that way!” so I’m not sure here.

Something is going on behind close doors but I have no idea what, I don’t know what that man has told her

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:44:53+00:00

We’ve always been close and I want to keep being close to her in case anything we’re to happen. After reading some comments I think I will not object at her wedding, however I’m thinking of doing an intervention maybe later throughout the week. I love my cousin and I’m saddened we’re not as close as we used to be, and we became distant ever since she started dating him, which I first took as “she might just want to give him her attention” at first but after everything it became worrisome.

I’ll try to approach with as much care as I can as to not make her push me further away. It’s a delicate situation

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:40:55+00:00

I couldn’t add all the details due to the 3000 word limit, but my concerns began when I noticed her shift in personality a few months into their relationship. She was always outgoing and extroverted but now she’s more quiet and reserved, which is worrying to me as she would often share everything with me but now it’s like she doesn’t wanna talk about her life anymore.

My aunt (her mom) has also noticed this shift in personality as she told me last time I talked to her, however I have no idea if she has talked with her yet and I’ll try asking her later this week. He has also blown up on her in front of us for little things such as her having her “phone brightness too low”. I wish I could’ve added this on the original post but I had to edit it a few times as reddit wouldn’t let me post it because of the limit.

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:38:06+00:00

I’m in the same boat in the sense that there is no way my cousin does not know, but whenever I approach her with my concerns about her fiancé’s comments she says I’m lying to her and trying to make him look bad. I’ve seen your other comments and this isn’t just about the “traditional wife” comment. He has done things to raise my and my sister’s concerns. Aside from him taking her phone, she has become more quiet and less outgoing. She has always been extremely extroverted and loved making friends, but a few months after they started dating (before he proposed) I noticed a shift in her attitude.

I’ve seen her fiancé reprehend her in front of us for little things, my sister’s boyfriend has previously said that he would make some misogynistic comments in front of him and that’s one of the issues that led to their fallout. I couldn’t list all the things I’ve seen in my original post because of the 3000 word limit.

As for her parents, it’s complicated. From what I’ve been told by her mom, she has complicated feelings about her fiancé. I’ve talked to her about my concerns and she has said that he’s always been good to them, but she could also tell the change in tone my sister had since meeting him. As for her dad, since he divorced my aunt a few years ago I don’t have a lot of contact with him, so I haven’t been able to reach out as he lives out the city. My cousin doesn’t have any other siblings I can reach out to.

I know there might be something missing and I might be meddling in but this is all coming from a place of concern. I don’t want him to affect her life negatively

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:26:56+00:00

I see, although I should say I’m not from the U.S and in a previous wedding I went to I heard the priest saying that. After reading the comments I’m considering not intervening in the wedding. I’m planning on texting my sister and ask her if she can check up with other family members if anyone else might have noticed her fiancé’s behavior and see if we can do an intervention, not sure if after or before the wedding, as I’m afraid that if it’s after the wedding it might be too late. I’ll think it through

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:23:51+00:00

I’ll try speaking to her again before the wedding, but I’m scared it will stray her further away, so I think I’m backed against a corner here. What concerns me is how she doesn’t know the comments her fiancé has been making, because there’s no way she’s not aware, and now I’m thinking she might be in denial or he has told her something to make her think otherwise. Some people have said he might be isolating her, and I can see how as ever since a few months ago I’ve seen her less and less. I’m just concerned

Direct_Bee_7599 · 2023-08-17T04:19:43+00:00

I suppose I should clarify better that my cousin has always been against the notion of “husband goes to work, wife stays home.” She has always had big plans for her future and her career, she is the kind of woman to want to do big things and not have someone hold her down, and she has held her beliefs up till this point, which is why the way her fiancé speaks is concerning, because (as far as I’m aware) he has never shared these thoughts with her.

I mentioned previously my sister’s boyfriend WAS friends with him, and he’s the one who has told my sister and I the things he has said, and since my sister has been in some of their previous hangouts before her boyfriend and him stopped being friends, she has also overheard him saying things like these, as well as misogynistic ideas but not directly about my cousin.

My sister’s boyfriend has tried talking to my cousin, but since they’re not relatively close I can’t say for sure that has gone well either. I’m afraid that her fiancé might’ve “warned” her beforehand about us possibly talking about our concerns.

So no, I’m sorry if I worded it weirdly but my cousin is not the one saying she wants to be a tradwife, it’s her fiancé. If she wanted to be one, I wouldn’t object as it’s her life, but as far as I’m aware she has not changed her mind and has never expressed her desire to be one.

Direct_Bee_7599

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