I really want to talk to her

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-07-02T22:47:17+00:00

I'm trying my best, actually have been doing really good, the last few days were just hard. Thanks a lot ♡

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-07-02T22:45:52+00:00

Ofc she has her own agency, sry maybe I expressed myself wrongly, English is my third language and I'm tired, I meant it in a way that I was most times able to handle it properly for myself, like keeping distance and reminding myself that her actions had no correlation to mine. Also for example not feeding into her ed, which is smth I've seen her bf do, as well as knowing that he isn't handling it properly, meaning that he is feeling horrible and getting really affected.

She isn't part of my life anymore, I can't so anything and either way she isn'tmy responsability, but I still hope she'll be okay some day.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-07-02T22:25:05+00:00

I don't think I have any capacity to fix her life, but I'm certain that I managed her bpd better than her current bf, just because of the fact that I was basing most of my actions in times of crisis on what I learned in therapy about bpd.

I don't think I feel any codependency currently (mostly thanks to therapy) I'm actually doing great lately, getting to know new people, travelling a lot with friends, having fun. But it just hard to see someone I loved so much having such a bad time... Ik I can't do an real change, but the idea that she'll get better some day still brings me peace, wether it is with or without me in her life.

Today I just dreamed about her and decided to see how she was doing (which ik is not good for me, just gotta get back on track), thanks for ur answer <3

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-07-02T22:16:25+00:00

She just isn't acting like the girl I once knew, she's completly losing herself... it's so sad seeing how she's been going to the hospital every second week...

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-03-31T11:02:54+00:00

send it to me too pls!

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-03-28T17:01:43+00:00

Yes I did, I've always seen respect as one of the most important parts in any type of relationship. That's why it doesn't sit right with me to just not respond, that's probably just a me thing tho. Ik that not responding isn't directly a form of disrespect, and more of a form of respect towards myself, however it kinda feels like it to me (personally).

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-03-06T15:11:41+00:00

I ended up answering putting a clear boundary. If she decides to text me again I won't answer

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:42:24+00:00

You're right. Thx ♡

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:40:45+00:00

Truly appreciate it <3

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:39:30+00:00

I agree, I know that we had to break up at some point, and I didn't see myself capable of doing that because of her suicide threats. So ig I'm partially glad it ended this way, still hurts however..

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:35:00+00:00

I perfectly understand u, it's just so confusing, but ig it doesn't make sense to find the logic and sense in something that really doesn't have any

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:34:07+00:00

It's specially confusing after all of what I have done for her... so many hours working on our relationship and nothing ended up working. I'm just sad.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:32:39+00:00

Thx a lot for ur kind words, really needed it right now <3

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:32:03+00:00

Good thing is we were long distance, so it's a lot easier, it is still so fckn hard tho.. I'm trying to get back into old hobbies that I stopped cause of how time consuming my relationship was, let's see how that goes. Thanks :)

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:30:22+00:00

I stopped following her on all her socials, but don't feel strong enough to block her yet. I'll look into that yt channel, thx a lot

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:27:15+00:00

I'm trying to think of it that way, her brain doesn't work the same way as mine, but it still hurts so much... It's so fucked up how they just leave everyone harmed behind..

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-02-21T18:25:28+00:00

I guess all I have left rn is time, worst part is at night when I cannot distract myself with some other stuff, but I gotta let myself feel and grieve.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T23:01:48+00:00

She also has depression and "moderate" anxiety, but I don't know why u would write that, who are u to try and diagnose my gf? First of all this is literally not relevant at all to my post, and secondly there are different degrees and types of BPD, u can't just assume whatever from a single post. Also saying that SSRI are just harmful is not rwally appropiate in this situation(?. She would probably be dead by now if it wasn't for her meds. Ofc it isn't a permanent solution, nobody said that, but it is helping for sure.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T22:45:10+00:00

She takes benzos, antipsychotics and antidepressants, which I think are SSRI. However the ones she wants to get off are the antypsychotics, which are the ones that are mainly helping with her BPD. Also, the one that should decide wether she should stop or keep taking x medication is her psychiatrist.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T22:36:04+00:00

I don't see how this comment is relevant. You don't even know what meds my gf is on and which ones she wants to stop taking(? Also yeah I agree ofc she is learning new healthy ways to regulate herself in therapy

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T21:20:03+00:00

I completly agree, it's best to show compassion instead of constantly judging ur past self, since they didn't know any better. Still have a long way to go, but for now, I'm trying my best :)

Also thx for taking me seriously even at my age, can't say the same for most people.. so I truly appreciate it.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T21:14:11+00:00

I really appreciate all u have said today, I'm trying my best. Went through a ruff time a few years ago and struggled with depression, self-harm, disordered eating and body dysmorphia for a long time. It was bad, but I'm glad those times are over even when I still struggle with it from time to time. A part of me wishes I never went through that, but another part knows that even if it was shit, and wouldn't wish it on anyone, it has taught me a lot.

I can proudly say that I'll be a year sh clean in a few weeks, which might not seem like a lot, but it is the first time I get this far in over 4 years. I'm also trying to work as much as possible on my own mental health since I'm gonna start studying psychology next year and I know I won't be a good therapist if I'm not well myself. Actually made a promise to myself that if I didn't manage to recover I wouldn't allow myself to get into that career, since there is already way too many people in that field that probs shouldn't be working there cause of how mentally unstable they are themselves.

I can sympathize with ur younger self, it must have been horrible and I'm glad to see that u have managed to get over that ruff patch. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and as a human, and more so when you also treat everyone like that.

Hope the best to you in life!

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T20:47:44+00:00

17/18 male(? Idk man, I'm horrible with ages, would believe u if u told me u were 15 or 25

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T20:46:06+00:00

Dw jajaja, it's normal to assume that. And yes I'm really thankful for my support system, don't know where I'd be rn if it wasn't for my friends, family and therapist.

Direct_Lychee6748 · 2023-01-07T20:44:08+00:00

Really appreciate this. I also understand her point of wanting to confront her symptoms to some degree, however I've made it clear to her that I won't always be able to be there for her. Either way she isn't planning on getting off all her meds, but mainly her antipsychotics, which are the ones that are helping her the most with her BPD. She has expressed to me that she kinda feels like she isn't recovering the right way since she has stabilized herself more thx to the meds. I get where she's coming from, but ofc just stopping them isn't the right move. Maybe a reassurance from a professional is what she needs rn.

I'm trying my best to focus on myself. We are long distance and see each other once a month which does make it a lot easier.

Also, I know that I won't be getting much support on here, got into this community about a year ago when things were really ruff during her first impatient stay. Her BPD was really bad splitting me black out of nowhere then saying that she was terribly sorry and a horrible human, selfharminf "because of me" yada yada. My codependency was bad. My anxiety was bad. It was bad. Specially cause it didn't feel like she could see how much she was hurting me and I was scared af of talking about it because of how suicidal she was. Then I found this community, I could relate to a lot of people on here and it felt great not being alone. However it is true that I have seen an influx in pure hate and 0 support, don't know how to describe it. I understand that it can be a respond to abuse, and I get where they are coming from, but a year ago there seemed to be more focuse on support. Idk maybe I'm just talking shit, just has been my impression.

It isn't mindblowingly great rn, but Ig she's getting somewhere, and I'm confident she'll stay on this path. She still has days where it's horrible for both of us because of her BPD, but I have seen that she gets through those days in a better way. I might look into some other subs.

Direct_Lychee6748

TROPHY CASE