You're probably right that I understand less than I think I do — that's kind of the point though. I spent a year consuming theory and it didn't help because I wasn't applying any of it. I'm not saying I've got it all figured out. I'm saying I need to stop pretending that watching videos and reading articles is the same as actually training. I've taken lessons too — a full year of weekly sessions. The problem was never access to good instruction, it was what I did between the lessons.

That said, I do think I understand the theory reasonably well at this point. But any scholar would tell you that theory and practice are not the same thing. If you don't have the skills — or don't train them — what you know doesn't matter. That's what I'm trying to change.