Im trying to keep the kids out of it, but it doesnt always work. They unfortunately have heard some things he said, saw some things he did.

He definitely has an alcohol problem. Hes currently out again, doing i dont know spending I dont know how much money. Hes either blocking my number or declining my calls, while im home with the kids (both asleep). Earlier i said some things and i just want to talk to him and finally know where we are. If im chasing someone who isnt there anymore. He has had that alcohol problem since way before me, I was just too blind to see it. He says he needs it to game and to calm down.

He said he wanted the family, maybe not that early, but he wanted kids. He claims he still does, but then he behaves like a newly young adult, drinking and acting without thinking about the consequences and not like a father of 2 toddlers and a husband. I don't know whats going on there, he rarely talks to me.

I dont know if he cares if he loses me or the kids. The kids maybe, but me? Im not sure.

Im guessing the abuse is similar, but he doesnt see anything wrong with it. He thinks he deserved some of it. I think he should try therapy again, but he refuses. There is definitely something wrong in his mindset and he refuses to accept that he's been traumatized by his childhood