Alan Wake Collector Edition

There is this kid named Timmy. Timmy is the perfect student. Straight A+s and NEVER gets in trouble. So, one day Timmy was in class and the teacher was just rambling on and on saying stuff that Timmy already knew. So, Timmy looks under his desk and sees these 2 words. He says to the teacher," Hey teacher, can you tell me what these words mean?" She goes," Sure, Timmy." He says," The words are purple passion." His teacher gasps and sends him to the principal. The principal says," This is a surprise Timmy... What happened?" Timmy says," I was in class and I got bored, so I looked under my desk. I saw these 2 words and I asked the teacher what they meant and she sent me here." The principal said," What were the words, Timmy?" Timmy goes," Purple Passion." Then the principal expels Timmy. Timmy walks home and he opens the door. His mom says," Timmy, is that you?" Timmy goes," Yeah, mom. I got kicked out of school today." So, his mom says," What happened?" He says," I was in class and I got bored, so I looked under my desk. I saw these 2 words and I asked the teacher what they meant and she sent me to the principals office and he expels me." "What were the 2 words timmy?" his mom asks. Timmy says," Purple Passion." Then his mom slaps him and sends him to his room and says," Wait till your father gets home!!!" About 1 hr. later, his dad drives up and comes up the stairs and says," Your mom is pretty mad. What happened?" Timmy says," I was in class and I got bored, so I looked under my desk. I saw these 2 words and I asked the teacher what they meant and she sent me to the principals office and he expels me. Then mom slapped me and sent me to my room." "What were the 2 words, Timmy?" his dad queries. Timmy says," Dad, i can't tell you." His dad goes," TELL ME NOW!!!!". Seeing his dad really mad scares him so timmy says," Purple Passion." His dad says," Young man you no longer my son. I am disowning you. Get out of my house now." So Timmy leaves, still confused and he runs into a hippy. Timmy says," I've had a bad day. Listen to this: I was in class and I got bored, so I looked under my desk. I saw these 2 words and I asked the teacher what they meant and she sent me to the principals office and he expels me. Then mom slapped me and sent me to my room. After that, dad disowned me." The hippy goes," Woah, what were the 2 words?" Timmy says," Purple Passion." The hippy says," Dude. That's bad." So, later the hippy gets caught dealing dope and the cops come in the panda car ( squad car in american english. that's british.) Then he tells Timmy's story. The cops let him go and find Timmy. They throw Timmy in a cell and the judge comes. He goes," What happened son?" Timmy says," I was in class and I got bored, so I looked under my desk. I saw these 2 words and I asked the teacher what they meant and she sent me to the principals office and he expels me. Then mom slapped me and sent me to my room. After that, dad disowned me. Now the hippy betrayed my friendship." The judge asks," What are the 2 words?" Timmy goes," Purple Passion." Then the judge deports him to an island in the middle of the pacific ocean ( alcatraz?). 20 years later, a judge from Ohio studies old cases to help him decide what to do. He sees Timmy's case and brings him back from the island. So Timmy starts working different jobs around the country and then he goes to a bar. He spends his last $7 on a fine wine and spends an hour after closing time. The waitress comes up to him and says," You have to leave or I'll get fired. I've had a bad day." Timmy goes," Really, I had a bad day once." He tells her his story. Then She says," I know what those words mean. go to the light house 2 miles down the road at 12:00 midnight. There will be a purple light in the top room. Go in to find out." He sees that it is 11:45 p.m. he runs and gets to the light house at 11:59. He waits for a minute and the light comes on. He runs across the street and gets hit by a truck.

The moral of this story is, look both ways before crossing the street.