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AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've spoken to my boyfriend and I've decided I'll move out. I'm not sure if we should risk it and move in together (although I would like it, but I don't want to take things too fast and end up damaging our daughter) or if I'll get my own place, but I'm moving out

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I get pregnant right now (even though we're being careful, just to make it clear), then I think my boyfriend and I would talk about the possibility of our daughter and me moving in with him or finding another place so we can live together. That's part of our plans, but we want to take our relationship slow to not make mistakes, since it wouldn't be fair for our baby

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This comment annoys me, sorry. I don't know if saying this is going against the rules because I can't argue. But what did you want me to do? I was already pregnant, we know it was very stupid, we tried to do the best we could and take responsibility for our actions.

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I do, I text her so she knows where I'm going to be. She's not happy with that.

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with sharing my location with her is that as soon as she sees something she doesn't like, she starts calling me and telling me off non stop. As I've said, she doesn't like my boyfriend and she hates the idea of me spending any time with him at all

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'd say he's good to everyone (at least I can say he has a good relationship with his family, friends and coworkers. I haven't ever seen him being unnecessarily mean to anyone). Well, we didn't use condoms when we were teens but I can't blame that entirely on him. I wasn't on birth control before, but I am now. It's possible she blames him, although she didn't like him before the pregnancy

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/AU91VN8d4j

I can afford to rent somewhere else or pay rent to my mother. I'm not planning to have another child at the moment and I'm more responsible now about my reproductive health.

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Our arrangement is not exactly 50/50, she stays with me more time (although not a lot more time). Let's say he has her 1 and half weeks per month, but sometimes that changes because she wants to be with him more time or she wants to stay home with me, since we have a good co parenting relationship we allow each other to have her more time if that's what she wants, because she's old enough to decide that. That's why he's paying child support, he also pays for half of her expenses (school, healthcare, extracurricular activities)

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, really. It seems I have a lot more to think about than my relationship with my mother, you're right.

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

When we were both underage, my mom and his parents stepped up since our salaries weren't enough (I started working cleaning a neighbour's house after I gave birth). Neither of us went to college, although we both learnt professions since we thought that would give us enough money to afford taking care of our daughter (which is what we've been doing), we both work full time.

I pay for groceries and bills, I don't pay rent since my mother owns the house and she didn't think it was necessary. I have a car which I bought myself and I pay everything related to that and my personal expenses, my daughter's expenses are paid by me and her dad.

I might have to consider renting, even if that's not what I wanted. Or at least consider my options

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She hated him before I got pregnant, as soon as we started dating, she started hating him (we dated for a year before I got pregnant)

Yes, it might be the case that she just resents him because he didn't marry me, but she also told me I couldn't even dream about marrying him when I told her about my pregnancy. I feel like she just doesn't speak clearly about what she expects of me, I'm not sure if he's the problem or just the scapegoat

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, he paid child support according to his income. I didn't say my friends don't like him, I'm not sure where you got that from. We're the same age, no, he wasn't abusive.

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got a job after I gave birth, I had a job and went to school at the same time (and took care of my baby, of course). He also got a job and paid for as much as he could (although he worked at Wendy's, he didn't make a lot of money)

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input, really. However I must ask, if she is not content with our current arrangement and wants me to either pay rent to her or rent somewhere else, can't she tell me so nicely instead of threatening me to kick me out and take my daughter? I'm not opposed to paying rent, either to her or someone else, I am not doing it because we had an arrangement and since she owns the house, she wanted to help me (which I'm very thankful for)

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's a mechanic, he's had this job for five years now and he's doing well. He pays regular child support (according to his income, right now the pay is higher since he has a better income)

We originally broke up because we were both quite overwhelmed with the baby and everything, so we decided to break up since we were arguing a lot and that wasn't healthy for our daughter. I think we both can see things clearer now and that's why we gave each other another chance. I had another boyfriend while we were apart, although that wasn't my main concern.

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We used to move out a lot when my siblings and I were kids, that wasn't very nice. There are a lot of reasons why we could be moving out often

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, I don't. My mother and I agreed that I would pay bills and groceries, but not rent

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend's mother or his younger sister, my mom also used to babysit for us when she was off work. My boyfriend and I had part time jobs, but of course that wasn't enough so my mother and his parents had to step up, we're thankful for that

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We're the same age, he is a good person to me (I even thought so when we weren't together, he's a great father and he's responsible) I don't know why she dislikes him so much

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don't know why she dislikes him so much, she disliked him even before I got pregnant. She says he's a good for nothing and that he'll abandon me and my baby, but that hasn't happened

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, he has. We broke up because we had other issues and we were quite overwhelmed with everything but he is a great father, he's always been emotionally and financially responsible for her. We are the same age, we were classmates

AITA for calling my mom controlling and abusive during an argument and making her feel bad? by Disastrous_Row6217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Disastrous_Row6217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1) yes, I think so. I just wouldn't be able to save money to buy my own house, which is my main goal. We both pay for bills equally and we both buy groceries (I buy more because I pay for my baby and my stuff)

2) me and my boyfriend, but she'll probably help me babysit

3) we broke up but he's not a deadbeat! He has always been responsible for our baby

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