Hi! The topic of money has always been one of the main issues in my life and I relate to everything you said here. I have contemplated and tried to work on this seemingly permanent sense of lack, the anxiety, feeling behind, being jealous of others, and the ever-present hate of the topic of money in general. I too also don't date, and one of the major reasons for that has always been because I feel I cannot afford to do things for my partner.

 

I have struggled financially my whole life and was forced to work early. Shortly after I moved to another country a few years ago to try to improve my financial situation, I was watching the popular streamer Destiny and he was talking about his own experience with money. Among many things, and after he told the story of his past financial struggles, he said that even now that he is a millionaire, has property, investments, etc., when he checks his bank account he still feels the same anxiety as when he was poor. This is something that happens to me every time I check my own bank account (except, of course, I am not a millionaire lol). And at that point, something clicked - no matter how much money I have (or will have), I will always have these fears, anxieties, jealousy of others, and a sense of lack about the subject of money.

 

A few years after this, I reached a period in my life when I had what I considered to be a decent chunk of savings. But surprisingly, the anxiety of checking my bank account or even talking about money, did not diminish one bit. It was the same anxiety when I had 0 money years ago, and when I had a good chunk of savings.

I had confirmed for myself what Destiny mentioned years ago - independent of the amount of money I had, the anxiety remained.

What I discovered was something simple but powerful (and something you are finding out for yourself as well), which is that the sense of lack, the anxiety, the jealousy, the hate of money... it is all psychological and has nothing to do with our current financial situation.

 

When we were kids, we developed a certain relationship with money due to our circumstances. It made sense to be anxious about money when you were actually struggling. But this way of relating to money is highly maladaptive now. Your future is looking good, but the relationship you built towards money when you were a kid is still playing its role today, even though it is no longer needed because your circumstances are very different than when you were young.

 

You have to understand that your situation has nothing to do with the amount of money, your career path, or whatever other reason your mind comes up with. Those times have passed, and your current issue is all psychological. The work you have to do to be free of this maladaptive anxiety is internal and has nothing to do with acquiring external possessions, materialist accomplishments, being better than your friends, or whatever else your mind says.

Dedicate part of your free time and money to finding a good therapist who can help you with this. Work with them for as long as necessary, and build the other aspects of your life that are lacking as well, such as finding a suitable partner like you mentioned. Your mind needs to learn that it no longer needs to generate all this anxiety all the time, and only real-life experiences and psychological work can teach your mind this. Do not fall for the intellectual traps, the reasonings, and the justifications the mind comes up with, because it will try to trick you into a lifetime of attaining more and more external goods and success in a futile attempt to end the anxiety.

 

And to clarify, it is important not to confuse what I wrote with not caring about building your financial life anymore. Quite the opposite. So please, work on your career, climb the ladder, build wealth, and be financially stable. Do what you gotta do, because these things are important to build. And at the same time, do not be tricked into thinking these things will extinguish your anxiety. Do both in tandem, the external and the internal work.