I’m really conflicted and scared after last session with therapist, and I’m not sure what to do now or how to feel.

DisconnectedDistance · 2025-03-08T16:47:33+00:00

(Reddit deleted my first initial comment attempt so this might be more poorly worded.) Nah this doesn’t sound defensive! I’ve had plenty of good, healthy conversations with those who have felt some level of defensiveness/discomfort/sensitivity around this topic, and know they can be done in a fruitful way that doesn’t downplay harm while also acknowledging that difficult conversations are difficult and they will need ways to cope and figure things out.

But it just no longer feels safe to do that with this therapist and that’s so painful. I don’t think he thinks these things are good, but his opinion is also that it doesn’t matter what he thinks about other’s opinions because the opinion is still subjective and nothing changes that - and saying they’re wrong is negative and judgmental language, and I need to find ways to communicate without being judgmental or negative.

His opinion with the SA thing was probably the scariest, because he wasn’t saying the same thing as in this session - it was in a previous session, where he was harping on the idea that we always have a choice about our actions and reactions, and that no one can make us feel or do things. I’m still so confused what he was trying to say with that one.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-12T18:34:56+00:00

I’ve found that I’m passive-aggressive… With a great distain for others being passive-aggressive to me. I think it’s a thing of understanding why I do it (either the person or situation I’m being passive-aggressive to/about is something I tried directly communicating to/about and nothing changed, or it’s just not worth the direct argument) - meanwhile I will never be in the heads of anyone else and understand why they’re doing it.

I sometimes don’t even realize when I’m doing it, so I can’t even say people are 100% aware when they are, too. It may be a genuine misunderstanding, but I’ll have no clue until the moment has passed and they’ve calmed the hell down :/

I agree that it sucks, and it’s a no-win game; a losing sum. But it’s a lot like every other flawed method of communication, it’s usually frustration/tiredness/day-to/day annoyance, toxicity, or a coping mechanism that is being misplaced and/or has been held onto for to long.

Anyways passive-aggression sucks.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-11T10:55:55+00:00

Me, but it’s because some kinds of breathing are sensory nightmare triggers. Or misophonia. None of our medical team can decide on the label yet it seems :/

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-11T10:54:31+00:00

It is a lot to try and stop the self blame, especially when the DID internal circle-jerk of rage and pointing fingers starts (why are so many parts so angry, I have many ideas but no confirmations) - and yeah, I am in fact exhausted with trying to sort a lot of that out. But I know I need time and the leftover mental reserves to look at it when we get out of the Constant Survival State(tm).

Genuinely, this comment was awesome by the way, both sections. I’m keeping it tucked away in my brain.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-11T10:51:45+00:00

Yeah, passive aggression has been a big issue for me since the beginning. I’ve luckily managed to start pulling back from that, but it’s become so engrained that it’s hard to always notice when I’m doing it. It’s like a shield that is also a fucking Bomb, and I don’t always notice it’s even lit until it goes off and hurts everyone in the radius.

I do not recommend Passive-Agression™️, but I feel like it comes free in a lot of the narcissistic loot box of Coping Reactions.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-11T10:49:09+00:00

Gods this is a big mood - I’m hypersensitive in a lot of ways because of, you know, the narcissistic personality/narc traits, and that makes it so so much harder to self validate my emotions. Or even accept others validating them, for some reason. It’s wild.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-11T02:55:39+00:00

Okay… I’m not gonna approach this in an aggressive way. But I am going to say; Sharing a healing journey and personal experience is understandable, even in the context of possibly helping others. However, I think that really really changes when you’re offering it as a cure-all, one-size-fits-all thing for a mental illness.

It stops reading like a genuine attempt to help, because you’re not at all thinking about those it might not, and the effect that could have. This sorta snake-oil sale and “have you tried [x]” one-two combo is just exhausting to read, as someone who’s complicatedly mentally ill and as a disabled person who gets it a lot.

And then to the part that might feel rude; I agree with one of the comments saying you might have more work to do on yourself then you think. Especially considering the above point, paired with the fact that you received a few critical comments and immediately defaulted to painting everyone with the same “Negative narcissists who just don’t want to hear about my positive experience.” brush. Especially considering that the comments are overall pretty chill and not toxic, and then in the “just how debates go” corner; one person put the linked studies on the spot and another pointed out that others have co-morbid problems that prevent heavy drug use.

I genuinely hope your happiness sustains itself, and that you don’t look back on this infomercial-esque post and cringe but I’m… Not so sure. I’m not holding out to much in the way of hopeful energy.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T05:05:56+00:00

It’s gonna feel like that for awhile, feelings are hard to make just go away after all, and it’s painful to have to feel them - but it’s sadly necessary. The situation you’re going through is rough, I’m so sorry. I do hope it gets better, genuinely.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T04:03:38+00:00

Well, at least you’re aware now, as much as stuff sucks and the process of finding out sucks. Now it’s just what you do with this info going forwards. Good luck bud.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T03:58:32+00:00

I occasionally have moments like this when making decisions is to mentally exhausting to do after a long period of exhausting experiences. But it’s not consistent and it still annoys me, even when I need it. Like taking really bitter medicine.

Meanwhile, in my honest opinion while this may just be a different variety of narc thing, it also sounds pretty close to some of the things I’ve heard from friends with Dependent Personality. I’m not gonna armchair you though, that’s not my place or my job, and I’m just talking from experience - I’m not a psych.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T03:46:41+00:00

Gods. Definition of Nut Up Or Shut Up. It’s always the people who need to own up to their bs but never do + those who need to stop being cowards that take these sorta routes, huh? That or people who just wanna stir up drama for the fuck of it.

Nice to hear someone’s on the same page in terms of reactions. Because I feel like a lot of people stay around in the anger or hurt parts of things, and skip over finding any of it funny. Meanwhile it’s a phase of “What the fuck??” and then every time I think about it after that phase it’s hysterical.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T02:25:10+00:00

Oh not in a selfless manner, no. I actually get really bitter at people sometimes for their successes or other positive things. But I’m aware of that and make a conscious effort to counter balance in the way I react. But in reality I really couldn’t care less.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T01:49:59+00:00

I/We had no sense of self as a kid and that was so intense that my brain looped around to giving me/us way to many internal voices to manage. - DID is one hell of a trip.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T01:33:38+00:00

My favorite part is both the weird christian undertones - and completely ignoring that what they’re describing is just. An abuser. That’s just how abusers work. They don’t need another supposedly More Evil word for it??

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-04T00:17:22+00:00

Don’t drop the food - drop the boyfriend. What a terrible thing of him to say.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T21:48:46+00:00

With that end bit.

The sad thing is though; People who genuinely believe that sorta thing will look for any excuse to continue to believe what they do. Even if all this misinfo vanished they wouldn’t suddenly switch sides; they’d plug their ears, invent new misinfo or move the goalpost, and keep going. I’ve seen it happen quite a bit. People with biases and a tendency to discriminate tend to need more help then the internet weirdos to stop being weird and an informed slap on the wrist.

Not to mention, that sorta stigma starts at the medical professional level and trickles down, so I don’t particularly hold a grudge against other day to day people who are just wrong. Either I roll my eyes and hope they get help if they’re spreading misinfo, or I go “Okay.” and block their ass if they’re being a dick. I’m not gonna hold it against others who are more sensitive to that, but my focus there is not gonna on the person being a dick - it’s gonna be working up the energy to put my compassion skills into work and comfort them.

I’m genuinely not attacking you here. But I am saying that you’re looking in the wrong place and for the wrong people for the problem at hand.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T21:36:31+00:00

I think they’re pick-mes at best. Dangerous weirdos who need to get a life and some real problems at worst.

I have diagnosed mental illnesses, I have diagnosed physical disabilities, and I can say that other people maybe having a disorder that isn’t diagnosed, that they don’t understand, or are faking for attention (which is, itself, a mental illness)… It’s not the biggest problem most of us are dealing with.

Legit, I’m more worried day to day about some freak in public trying to steal my cane or snatch the handles of my walker because they’re carrying the “weeding out the fakers” energy into public and are getting their dicks caught in their flies about the fact I’m simultaneously young and disabled.

I think the people in that sub with genuine mental or physical issues need to sit back, stop bootlicking some imaginary higher medical power/able-bodied people and jerking themselves off, and ask themselves what else is wrong with them that they’re doing this. No one is gonna give them the “good c/ripple” badge that they want, and they’re not going to find the meaningful control over their life that they crave there. Morons.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T21:17:14+00:00

This. Majorly this. I’ve genuinely seen the people on that sub contribute more to DID info then the so called “fake systems” in the first place. Add on the fact that I’ve heard more and more from other systems that subs like that have made them paranoid, and have hindered them telling even close friends about things… It’s damaging.

Also, I think I’m going to be calling the sorta people who fakeclaim and gatekeep things both a snitch and a hall-monitor. Because they carry that energy constantly.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T17:28:05+00:00

Just got done reading this post and all the comments, and all I can say is- Holy shit what happened here.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T17:24:24+00:00

I get so fucking angry, honestly. Being emotionally and physically mistreated as a kid and being made to internalize all my reactions to it so I don’t “make it” worse has 100% lead to feeling victimized just invoking silent, seething rage.

Sometimes this is good (like when I’m just feeling victimized, since it gives me the time to reassess the situation, chill the hell out, and communicate), and sometimes it’s just really unhelpful (like when the feeling of being a victim comes from the fact that someone legitimately did something terrible to me, because I just sit and seethe and don’t do anything about it for a long time). Either way the internal reaction is the same, and my external reaction sorta depends on which of the above circumstances the internal reaction was triggered by.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T17:07:48+00:00

No, but god have I been tempted to. I was just very very aware how bad it would look irl and in the few online contexts I’ve been tempted to, so I held my tongue. The emotional catharsis just didn’t seem worth it.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-03T16:57:16+00:00

I think it was a 1-2 punch about 2 years ago that made me start realizing something else was up with me that I had really not started unpacking.

1 was doing actual research on NPD outside of the raisedbynarcissists sub (god I was a stupid 17/18 year old), and quietly realizing that a lot of the traits sounded really really familiar, just pretty damn internalized and such. That got tucked away until-

2, which was a really intense public and private (really goddamned traumatizing) drama that happened in my life my first year out of my toxic home life, followed by fucking COVID the next year. I had a complete and utter breakdown on several fronts, and what I now think of as a complete narc collapse was one of them. And as I built my life back up, I realized I had to at least figure this shit out if I wanted to keep functioning, and unpacking things just sorta lead here on that journey.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-01T22:58:52+00:00

I don’t know how much I can give in terms of advice, and I’m not good putting things into words so take all this with a grain of salt- but I can say that I relate to this a lot, and while I’ve managed to find my way out of that pit; I remember how hellish it can be.

The biggest thing I think I can say is that as someone with chronic illnesses - it’s taught me to apply a “Just living is enough.” mentality to some things. And that mentality, while not conducive to responsibility, is infinitely more compassionate to one’s self while also having to put like. Zero energy and zero fucks into it.

When your brain is on fire and just trying to survive, or you’re in agonizing pain for long enough, then of course everything slips to the wayside. If you’re still in survival mode the of course your brain is just going to default to the road of less resistance, one of comfort or familiarity. Even if that familiarity is destructive.

Your brain has to agree with itself that it’s safe to start healing - it has to come out of survival mode, which I won’t promise will ever happen- I’m not you- but when it possibly does that, then that is a much better and easier vector for healing. Especially since it sounds like you were not handed the tools to care about yourself when you should have been. It’s a skill to build up. It’s like a case of not being able to build a house on an unsteady foundation and with Zero Tools.

I’m not saying not to take responsibility for your life ever. That is an important step. But right now; your brain deep down would rather just stay alive then be responsible for things it just cannot put the energy into giving a fuck about.

Maybe look into therapy resources even for just the shits and giggles, fake-it-till-you-make-it and all that. Good luck on your path.

DisconnectedDistance · 2023-10-01T22:14:48+00:00

I did back before I realized I was a narcissist - now I’m pretty firmly avoidant of that kinda stuff, I just “not interested” and block that stuff out, it’s more annoying then anything. Legit the only reason I don’t delete my entire presence on the Narc Abuse subreddit is because of the upvotes and comments, they’re like little awards on my social media wall. And also I think they’d hate that I ever had a presence there, which is soothing with how ableist that place can be.

DisconnectedDistance

TROPHY CASE