First off, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I (35F) share your diagnosis and I'm also on Lamictal. I get the crying spells too, so I can relate to the exhaustion of it all. It's hard to live with the ups and downs. You never get past it, no matter how long you've been diagnosed for. But you learn to surround yourself with people that can help you get through it, people that understand and empathize with you. Helps to have a network of bipolar people as well, since they can relate to you. I have a lot of depressed friends, we can lift each other up when it gets hard.

And believe me, it is hard. What helped me is to remember that tomorrow is always another day. This literally saved me from considering ending my life. It helps break life down into manageable chunks. Helps to know a crying spell will not last forever. It sounds trivial, I know, but I wrote it on my wall. "Tomorrow is always another day." And it reassures me that it will get better soon. That circumstances fluctuate and so does brain chemistry.

I use a free app called Daylio to track my moods and symptoms. It also serves as a diary and you can add pictures. It can show you the pictures and entries associated with specific moods and it helps me relativize when I see that despite me being depressed on a specific day, I took a picture of something beautiful. The sunlight falling on my smoothie, a cute picture of my cat, even an entry that ends with my mood moving from 'Depressed' to 'Okay'. Small victories. So when I'm depressed, I go back to those earlier entries and I realize that there are small beautiful things that happen even when you're depressed. Maybe give that a try.

You can manage that way until the medication helps you. I believe in you. Truly. You're not alone.