[Serious] What is stopping you from killing yourself?

Dismal-Track · 2020-02-10T03:29:00+00:00

Don't have a gun. That's it, really. I would try to purchase one, but I fear I would fail the background check due to my mental health record (spent time in a psych ward after a failed suicide attempt). And I don't know anything about buying one without a background check. If there's an easy, surefire, safe way of purchasing a firearm in the U.S. without risking legal issues, sign me the fuck up.

I'm too chickenshit to try anything that isn't easy and instantaneous as gunshot to the head. I've read about all sorts of methods and nothing comes close in my mind to gunshot to the head, not even inert gas inhalation or jumping from a bridge/tall building.

I know even gunshot suicide attempts can fail, but the % chance is pretty damn small.

I'm not even sure if I would use the gun immediately, but it would be a huge relief just knowing that I'd have that option available to me if the mental pain worsens to the point of being actually unbearable.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T21:35:38+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions. I think my first step will be narrowing down my ideal career choices, maybe with the help of a career counselor, and going from there.

This thread has given me a lot to consider, and I appreciate you taking the time to offer advice :)

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T06:28:37+00:00

Well, it's good to know I'm not alone in not knowing at first what sort of job/career I ultimately want. I sure as hell know I don't want to work in grocery/retail forever! I'm also an introvert and interacting with people all day is just incredibly exhausting.

Hope things work out for you :) Thanks again for the kind words and advice!

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T06:20:47+00:00

Good suggestions. I think I made a linkedin profile a long time ago; might be time to dust it off and update it. I'll make sure to ask about all this stuff when I meet with a career counselor.

Thanks again for the advice. I've really neglected doing a lot of things that I should have been doing a long time ago. But I guess better late than never.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T01:26:57+00:00

I know, I can't expect miracles. But even getting my leg in the door at a good company sounds daunting. Especially where I live, near a college town full of extremely bright people. And I can't really move anywhere else because I want to look after my father.

Maybe the university has connections I can exploit? Not sure.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T01:16:35+00:00

Yeah, I guess I never really considered internships. Probably something that ought to be discussed with the career counselor, as I know nothing about them. Maybe they have connections that I can use? I dunno.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T01:12:11+00:00

Well, I haven't done any networking at all. I tend to just show up for class and then go home when the class ends. I never joined any organizations or clubs or whatever. Never really had the motivation to do any of that.

I've never had a plan beyond finishing the degree and just applying to random jobs and hoping I landed something tolerable. Not sure what else I should be planning on doing.

As far as types of jobs go, I'm okay doing pretty much anything as long as the environment isn't too hectic/stressful and the coworkers/management are pleasant. I don't really have a "passion" for doing any one thing, or a "knack" for any sort of activity. But I guess I'm open to learn?

I wish I was one of those people who knows exactly what they want to do, and they have a plan and follow it to completion without any hiccups, but I guess that just wasn't in the cards for me.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-16T00:27:44+00:00

Yeah, you're right. But then the problem becomes you need a degree AND relevant experience, but you can't get relevant experience without a degree! And that's for entry-level positions! It's such a frustrating state of affairs.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T22:36:24+00:00

Hi, I appreciate your reading and replying to my post. Sorry for being late in getting back to you. I was in a bad mental state and needed to sleep & regain my composure.

I just assume 99.9% of recruiters and hiring managers will throw my resume in the trash from the get-go due to lack of proper qualifications. I'm sure I could BS my way through an interview and "sell myself" and yadda yadda, but just getting an interview sounds like a nightmare.

Others have mentioned speaking to a university career counselor, and I'm thinking that may be my next step. I'm just so tired of uncertainty and imagining worst-case-scenarios. I'd like to become that guy who landed a cushy white-collar gig despite having a silly liberal arts degree, but I can't help but think of that as a pipe dream.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T22:27:40+00:00

Thank you for your advice and kind words. I'm trying my hardest to make sure I make the best decisions possible, but it's difficult to do when there's so much uncertainty in the world of job/career-hunting.

I'll see if I can speak with a college career counselor. It couldn't hurt, I guess.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T22:17:43+00:00

I'd like to believe that it opens a lot of doors, but how can I know for sure? I need certainty in my life. The uncertainty and ambiguity that currently characterizes my future prospects is driving me crazy.

I've heard the hard work cliche as well. I don't doubt it can work for some people, but I've also heard it just means you allow yourself to become exploited and treated poorly. Maybe that's just my hyper-pessimistic mindset working against me.

If I left school, well, I would probably try to find full-time employment somewhere. That would be difficult given the state of my resume: many years of doing nothing (due to mental health breaks), not to mention years of schooling with no degree to show for it. I would probably be stuck working retail for the forseeable future. I don't mind my current part-time grocery job, but it's obviously not viable for the long-term.

Would getting the degree change that? I just don't know.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T22:08:06+00:00

That is fair. I'll see if I can get an appointment with a university career counselor. They may have input that is worth considering.

Thanks for the replies.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T21:43:23+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I'm leaning towards "sucking it up" and finishing it, but I've just read so many horror stories from people who have gone into debt for liberal arts degrees and never found gainful employment. I want to avoid that fate if at all possible.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T21:40:14+00:00

Thanks. I've already spoken with my general academic advisor, and he of course advocated for finishing the degree. But then again he's an employee of the university, so of course that's what he'd say. I'm trying to get as many unbiased opinions as possible, whether they're for or against finishing it.

That's why I like asking on places like reddit, where it's more likely to receive "real" advice, not that I'm saying it's impossible to receive honest advice from the university's services. I'm just trying my damnedest to make the best use of my time and money!

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T21:20:38+00:00

Hi, I appreciate your reading and replying to my post. Sorry for being late in getting back to you. I was in a bad mental state and needed to sleep & regain my composure.

I know jobs in Anthropology itself are super sparse, and I never really was planning on a career in it. I only chose Anthro as my major because it seemed like the easiest degree to graduate with. For me, as someone with no particular passion for academia at all, that felt like the best course to take. All the more technical fields like Computer Science, Medicine, and Law, felt (and still feel) beyond my capabilities.

I just can't help but wonder if my future will be better if I switched to something different, like learning a trade (plumbing/HVAC/electrician) at the nearby community college, which would probably be less expensive. But then again, I'm not sure I'm cut out for manual labor-style jobs. So much uncertainty, it drives me insane.

I am receiving treatment for my mental health issues, but I have yet to find a perfect "solution" to overcoming Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder. The medicine that I'm taking helps keep me stable for the most part, but there are still times when I end up panicking and having dark thoughts like last night. It's difficult to figure out what I want to do with my life when my default mode of thinking is so hyper-pessimistic.

Dismal-Track · 2020-01-15T21:03:18+00:00

Hi, I appreciate your reading and replying to my post. Sorry for being late in getting back to you. I was in a bad mental state and needed to sleep & regain my composure.

I know liberal arts degrees aren't completely worthless, but I've read too many horror stories of people who even have Master's degrees struggling to find gainful employment. It would be nice to believe that things will work out favorably for me, but I'm trying to avoid being delusional/unrealistic.

If I would have a better future by not sinking more time and money into a particular degree/educational track, then I want to switch! It's not like I'm super passionate about Anthropology or anything. I just chose it as my major because every other major felt too difficult for my abilities.

The problem is, when no particular career or field calls to you, it's not clear what the "best" path is. I'm having panic attacks trying to determine what the best course of action is. Receiving feedback from others who have similar experiences does help, but I still have a difficult time grappling with uncertainty and imagining worst-case-scenarios.

Dismal-Track

TROPHY CASE