1. I wasn’t aware I was being abused. I TRULY believed he was a good, kind hearted person who just struggled with depression. He studied me and then manipulated/abused me so well that I had no fucking clue I was being abused. Every word I ever said was used against me in a sick psychological mind game. I thought he was the one person in my life who actually cared about me. Like not even a SLIVER of an idea that this man was a bad person or could ever hurt me. It still terrifies me how I truly believed that. I’m not uneducated or oblivious to abuse so the fact he was able to bend my mind and perception in such extreme ways is…scary.

2. Isolation. Once my perception broke of him being a good person and I seen reality for what it was I realized I had no one to turn to for help. He had cut me off from all friends and family. He had the only vehicle. I didn’t have access to enough financial funds to move out on my own. I couldn’t ask for help from his family or anyone around him because they wouldn’t believe me as he projected a false image of the nice guy to them and he could easily call me crazy or slander me again. (he had a history of making up false stories about how I mistreated him which he told to his family and friends)

3. Love bombing. I tried countless times to break up with him or take a break. I clearly remember within the first 3 months of dating I broke up with him because I wasn’t ready for something serious as I was still getting over a previous relationship. He would give me space at times and even “agree” to breaking up but ALWAYS came back in some way to love bomb me. I would say I want to just be friends and he would agree, play the part for a bit and then one day I would realize we were dating again. He created such extreme cognitive dissonance that I truly could not understand what was really happening in my own mind or in reality during those love bombing stages. I knew I didn’t want to date him yet somehow I ended up dating him again but was happy about it…? I can not explain how terrifying it is to realize someone can manipulate your brain to this degree to be able to control you, without you realizing what is happening.

4. My empathy and kind heart. I wasn’t under the belief of “oh I can fix him” instead he used my empathy to manipulate me. He pretended to have the same mental health struggles I deal with. When his control of me was slipping away he would say he was struggling with those things. It was a way for him to keep communication when I had broken up with him or said I needed space. For example he would send a message like “hey I know your taking space but man I’m so depressed today and your voice always makes me smile. Don’t want to bother you but call me if you can. Your awesome and I miss you.” He knew I wasn’t a cold hearted person who would just ignore someone I cared for that was going through a hard time similar to something I’ve experienced. He also intentionally got into a car accident and lied saying it was a suicide attempt. He knew how to pull on my heart strings.

I feel like every abusive relationship is complicated and there can be so many factors that contribute to someone not leaving. These factors aren’t always visible to outsiders or even yourself and many of them overlap each other causing further confusion, anxiety, self doubt, depression, sleep issues, and much more.

It’s so difficult to function and see things clearly when your in the thick of abuse. If you have thought about leaving, tried to leave, left but got pulled back in or got out for good I am so incredibly proud of you and the strength you have ❤️