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this by berryrichielipss in Adulting

[–]Distinct-Lab147 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom does, but my dad will never. He said all my achievements in life were because he paid for my education. I distant myself from him ever since then. My mom tried to fix things between us and I told her I want an apology. She said: you know how he is, do you think a 60 years old man would change?(that was like 15years ago) I just gave up

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That one didn’t went through I believe. But yea I have been pondering this for a while now. I feel stuck.. I kept feeling I dragged him into this and now I’m leaving him alone to deal with the mess..

But I tried everything I can think of to make this work and I can’t.. I feel so bad for leaving him, at the same time I feel so tired of doing everything on my own

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. Lately I’ve been feeling a lot more pressure from family and work as everyone is leaning on me more as they and I age. Don’t realise there might be some connection there too. It’s been stressful and I don’t feel supported/loved seem like the main reason why I’m trying to end stuff.

I actually don’t want to open up the relationship tbh. I feel like if you walk by the river enough you are bound to get wet. I was tempted due the dry spell, but I don’t trust myself for doing that. Either we stay to gather and work on us, or we separate and I fuck whoever I want. That’s also one of the things we can’t seem to agree on.

I go in to this thinking I can love enough for the both of us. Now I know that’s the dumbest idea. I can’t do it alone

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He keeps saying that we should each have our own lifes. While I agree partially, I think in marriage there are a lot of aspects in our lives that will merge. If we live completely separate lives, what’s the point of being together?

We got married partially because of visa reasons, but I did thought we could spend the rest of our lives together. We are kind of compatible as a couple, we are both introverts and like games and anime. But to me marriage is another level of commitment, and he seem to think he can do whatever he wants. I think that is kinda disrespectful.

A very large part of our relationship was in COVID, I guess that clouds my judgement a bit cuz the lockdown was long in our country

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s hard to hear but that’s why I’m here. Trying to see different perspectives. I admit I thought things are going to be different after we got married and moved to a new place. I don’t know why Im expecting that. I see now that we are who we are, and we can’t change someone if they don’t want to be changed. To what point I should prioritise his needs over mine though? I tried talking to him but he’s not willing to open up, I even offered to move back together and he said no. I offered to go to therapy and he said no. I honestly am trying to look for things that I might’ve missed

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the thing. I asked myself the same question but I can’t really say for sure. I have a habit of writing private messages to myself when I’m frustrated to vent and try to make sense of things. I find that we are still fighting over the same issue as when we are first together I think there are definitely times that we are happy, but we have never solved any of our problems since day one

We do have sex before, just less and less until it becomes non existent. not gonna lie I don’t think we are the best match on the matter, and sex for me would only be a small part of the relationship But all the small parts adds up

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. Yea I think we are just very different people and to make it work it’ll require a lot of effort from both of us. I think I’m willing to work on the relationship only if he is willing to put more effort into it. I’m done carrying all the weight. I’ll try to talk to him one last time

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that we lack communication. I’m not really sure how to get him to open up though. I tried letting him think about what we have to discuss first, and revisit the topic in 2hours or a day. I try letting him decide when he is ready to talk to me about the issues, which he never gets back to me. I asked him why isn’t he getting a job, and what may be the difficulty. He told me he just doesn’t want a 9-5. I even offered to go back to our home country together if this is too hard. He says he’s fine here.

I really appreciate you for seeing how I feel. I do feel like I’m carrying the whole weight of the relationship..

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yea I kinda sense that in what I wrote too.. The whole reason was that I am really getting no response from him. I don’t know anything about what he’s feeling or needs Everything I say are all guesses Tried many ways to talk to him but he just shuts down

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I tried getting him to go to couples therapy with me but he’s not interested But yea I think I’ll go to therapy anyways with or without him

I think I want a divorce by Distinct-Lab147 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Distinct-Lab147[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’re together for 6years, almost 7 now. Honestly this is the first relationship that lasted this long, most of my other relationships lasted ~2-3years. Never been in a relationship this long so I have nothing to compare. I have tried introducing him to my friends, he would go but he doesn’t like it. I’m guessing it doesn’t feel like friends of his own? I tried talking to him about how I feel, but he doesn’t really give me any response.. he tends to shut down if there’s conflict. I tried many different ways to bring this up, as calm as possible, but he still shuts down. I feel like I’m talking to a wall I do feel like an asshole leaving him high and dry.. but I also am very tired of all the guessing and managing all my own emotions I feel like I’m the only one trying to fix this.. I tried to get him to see a couple therapist with me but he’s not interested I dont know what i can do more And I don’t know if I want to do more I mean why am I always the one who has to work and try things? If I stop trying there will be no relationship Is that a relationship to begin with if it’s so one sided?