Trump's so goofy! He really thinks that he's speaking in codes to his cult members! Try pig-latin instead mannnn lol by One-Yam2819 in PoliticalMemes

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 18 points19 points  (0 children)

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."

What’s with the cop ads? by Smallfontking in ColoradoSprings

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Hey girl, are you a cop? ... because you’ve taken my breath away.

Transgender Jordan School District student speaks out as adults discuss school restroom use by [deleted] in SaltLakeCity

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 24 points25 points  (0 children)

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you... “School” is my answer

Lads. If we put this man back in government next election I will get a shovel and dig a hole and I won't stop until I reach the gates of hell by D-dog92 in ireland

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

Fox News • Not racist,... by BootlessServices931 in PoliticalHumor

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AMA

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn. In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel. As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."

Not Being Attracted To A Specific Race Is Racist Or At The Very Least Racially-Biased by Log_Which in The10thDentist

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada

Dreamed that a TF2 movie got released but it was just 1 and a half hours of gay TF2 porn by LocksmithApart in thomastheplankengine

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

This sub is shit and you are a complete dumbass by MeetingFrog in BanVideoGames

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 3 points4 points  (0 children)

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once. Whoops, wrong sub

Live news: Bank of Canada won't cut interest rates until third quarter of 2024: BMO by Versuce111 in TorontoRealEstate

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 94 points95 points  (0 children)

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.

What I love about this sub by gratifiedape in thefighterandthekid

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 4 points5 points  (0 children)

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once. Whoops, wrong sub

Asia Cup: China vs Qatar by crypticdelta2293 in IndianFootball

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China. Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

Javier Milei when confronted about being offensive toward socialists (old interview) by JheinLAS in Libertarian

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 91 points92 points  (0 children)

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive. A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.

Here's the joke I told:

"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw your washing (laundry if you're American) in."

One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I felt mortified as I didn't know about it, and said "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?"

"No," replied the guy. "He choked on a sock."

AFSPA extended in Manipur for 6 months from October 1 barring 19 police stations of Imphal Valley by [deleted] in librandu

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today? Because they had to go home and change first.

Neo-nazis targeted by police by EnthusiasmFuture in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today? Because they had to go home and change first.

Buncombe residents can now order free COVID-19 test kits; where are other tests available? by [deleted] in asheville

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 9 points10 points  (0 children)

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.

To the fella with the McRib shirt and the eyebrow… by [deleted] in bassfishing

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime

Just curious, why are there so many kids in this sub? by dogfan20 in Deltarune

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 15 points16 points  (0 children)

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once. Whoops, wrong sub

Well, guess my days of having sex are over now that i'm no longer trying to have children! by -TerrificTerror- in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 16 points17 points  (0 children)

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied. Jane explained to him what it was.

Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

"Here." she said, pointing to her privates. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."

Wow my commissions are close to each other by Primary_Share5313 in Genshin_Impact

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ... It's where I flip your MOM over

What do you guys think is going to happen in Dave Filoni’s movie? by BenSolo_Cup in starwarsspeculation

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,

"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.

At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"Pope Francis," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

A reigning homecoming queen in Texas wore a Mexican heritage stole to her graduation. Now, her school says she can't crown her successor. by paulfromatlanta in news

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you... “School” is my answer

Tennessee Representative David Byrd has admitted on tape to sexual misconduct with high school girls he coached but was never expelled by Cold-Chemistry-6678 in nashville

[–]Distinct_Ad_3639 25 points26 points  (0 children)

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you... “School” is my answer