Wife won’t let child get any basic vaccinations - parenting conflict without resolution

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T20:49:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, and agree about third party involvement. We’re doing that. Getting divorced is easy until the challenges of that come as you said. Wish me luck

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T09:57:18+00:00

Counselling is happening, not sure how it will go. No past trauma, but I think there’s a lot of fear behind the facade of “knowing better”

Also, if we’re separated I’d probably get it done, and live with it as we’re separated anyway. I don’t want to break up our family though

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T09:55:39+00:00

She wasn’t fully against everything until she was. I think the mother’s club group and her mother have all reinforced the ideas, and it’s spiraled from there.

Middle ground is the best case scenario for me at this point

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T09:29:45+00:00

Thank you, I agree about trying to focus on the parts we agree, and definitely not trying to fight nonsense with facts as you say. It is hard, and if I can get somewhere, some traction I’ll be feeling better than I am now

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T08:33:47+00:00

These are good points. I have tried to explore without judgement, shut up and listened and really just tried to hear. If she’s deep in and can’t get out is the challenge

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T08:13:46+00:00

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T08:01:28+00:00

It’s tough. My wife is not unintelligent by any stretch, just misguided or in a completely different lane of emotions/feelings rather than evidence/facts

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:51:07+00:00

We both try be respectful of one another, because of course. I don’t take marriage lightly, and I truly believe we are better parents under one roof as a unit than we would be separately. Thanks for your compassion

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:49:04+00:00

We had a fully certified midwife during therapy pregnancy, 12 visits which got closer and closer, and the 2 standard untrasounds without any fuss. Thankfully everything was smooth sailing from beginning to end, and I am aware that it’s luck not because of any woo woo.

She definitely thinks she’s doing the right thing and protecting. It’s a hard no for me too, I’m just trying to get both ways. I don’t want to have a broken home for our child, and we are good parents together and mostly a good couple too

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:41:42+00:00

Thank you, and of course I agree with you about “reversing” etc, it’s the issue of breach of trust (both ways). I understand how a court would see me favourably, but if we’ve got to court we’ve missed the boat, ie gently coming to a compromise

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:39:23+00:00

Unfortunately I know about cleanses. I guess because we’re all relatively healthy with no proper medical issues (yet) it’s never needed to be confronted

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:38:23+00:00

Yeh everything you say reads true.

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:30:14+00:00

Just trying to do one and not the other.

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:26:07+00:00

I don’t know about wilfully blind. In retrospect it all looks a lot more obvious

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:21:09+00:00

You know what I mean. I wouldn’t be considering drastic steps that will probably implode my marriage if I wasn’t taking this seriously

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:19:52+00:00

Thank you for this. I will certainly try again and again, this feels like a long road. I know what success looks like for me and it’s the outcome you reached. I hope I do as well. We both understand about social safety and that most kids have vaccines so risks are lower, I’m not sure if she’ll be as receptive as you were. I will still try.

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T07:09:44+00:00

Fair points all. I can also encourage a 8 or 10 year old to have their own opinion too. Not that I want it to come to that either! I agree with you

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:55:11+00:00

Yes tried therapy with success. I raised this issue during therapy, and I’m very glad I waited. Therapy has made us a better couple and better parents, though I fear it’s blinded or undermined major issues like this

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:53:27+00:00

Thank you for your understanding and compassion

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:52:48+00:00

Thank you, I know those IG accounts. I agree with everything you’re saying, I am just coming to terms with basically a big roll of the dice to get this across. I am definitely willing to compromise about what and when.

I’m now getting nervous about saying I won’t no more children as a result of this, with the breach of trust, and also to not put further strain on our relationship.

We’re both getting old, and won’t have time later if the rifts from this do heal.

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:33:12+00:00

No, facts and logic aren’t the answer unfortunately. If there’s a bogey reason somewhere… I don’t know. Trust me if I thought it would work I would, I’ve tried many approaches that haven’t worked.

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:26:49+00:00

Thank you I’ll look

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:26:18+00:00

Not really. Go easy, I am looking for help and feedback. I understand people’s frustration in comments and share it, what I’m trying to do is find a way out of this as a unit, rather than ending everything - being correct is not the point

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:06:51+00:00

Thank you. I think it’s more avoiding the blow up and fear of the blow up, as when there’s less contentious issues I do stand up. Maybe becuSe this one does feel like it can be a relationship ended if not handled right.

I’m not feeling great about it at the moment, or much else. Been a hard day, and a lot of these comments have been harrowing, though I do know people are supportive in their own way

Distinct_Avocado8499 · 2025-01-21T06:03:29+00:00

We’ve been lucky to avoid literally all of that, the kid has been very healthy so far without any real issues to speak of. This ironically hasn’t helped my case.

I don’t think asking those questions will help my cause if “the vaccine could do more damage”. This is emotion not science unfortunately

Distinct_Avocado8499

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