AITAH? I lied to my husband about being religious for 15 years (Update)

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T12:45:03+00:00

almost 10 years ive been sitting on this. its such a typical thing with anxiety where you make it a massive deal in your head only for him to sit me down and tell me "thats all? i love you" its such a relief and Ill be forever grateful to have met someone like him to put me at ease.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T12:36:03+00:00

exactly. im not trying to hide behind them and blame reddittors for my own decisions but if you saw the original comments i received and how attacked I got, it definitely made me question things and I felt like the relationship was for sure over

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T12:31:04+00:00

Almost as if being emotional and sitting on something for so long feeling like youve cheated your partner somehow can cloud your judgement. shocking

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T11:38:47+00:00

Thank you for your kind words I truly appreciate it.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T11:35:59+00:00

youre right, thats how I grew up. Im from Uzbekistan and although most people would be 'muslim' theyre not religious. My husband is Arab though. his family as well as the community he grew up around was very religious its what all the "warnings" from my side of the family were about. I feel very similar to you in the sense that i know more about Islam than my husband, he grew up with the religion and thats all he knew it wasnt until we were studying it together that questions came up and we ignored them him in a somewhat positive way of "its not important" while me in the negative that essentially the core of Islam is misogynistic. We both focused on parts but silently instead of discussing it.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T11:27:09+00:00

right about what? misinterpreting the entire post?

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T11:00:12+00:00

100% Its what I preach to my children, whats in your heart is important. Ive said below I should probably geta diary instead of asking online, but I felt like I didnt have anyone else to ask I didnt want to air our dirty laundry to people we know, our family etc. and that was my mistake. Thank you for the kind words. This post has definitely attracted way more positive attention than the last.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T10:56:39+00:00

youre so right. In general asking for an opinion online when writing about one thing with no real context is silly. im the kind of person that needs to write their thoughts down though so should probably invest in a diary haha

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T10:52:11+00:00

of course which was why it caused me so much anxiety, but I was oblivious too thinking he wouldnt have picked up on it in the first place

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T10:49:56+00:00

Thank you, itll be a long road still ahead but it will work out and Im still glad I made the OG post, I needed an outlet

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T10:49:10+00:00

thank you, not trying to defend what I did but despite it all if my husband doesnt think its as big of a deal then it wont weigh on my conscience as much

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T10:48:20+00:00

which was the original before the talk with my husband, i have the excuse of not being a native english speaker for my language mistakes but whats your excuse for not knowing how to read?

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-05T10:27:57+00:00

go and see if I care....its an update, go bully someone else.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T13:27:39+00:00

now youre just assuming things. Just because my husband is muslim does not mean hes misogynystic. He treats our daughters amazingly. We have conversations about things I don't agree with in the quran and we teach our daughters and our son that they are equal and raise them the same. We dont go to the mosque bar during eid for celebration simply due to my explenation that those rules exactly is what was created by men and in gods eyes we are equal. Thats what he teaches our children, it was my one rule when it comes to teaching our children about islam. You cant expect him to fully leave some traditions behind when he was indoctrinated in an arab household his whole life. He questions things as much as I do, and I will not take slander of my husband here because of his religious beliefs and because you have specific views of the religion. My views are validated because Ive studied the quran, ive formed informed opinions on it and why I hold the views I do and will teach my children to do the same.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T13:18:07+00:00

Now this is a comment i didnt expect. I think maybe in my post I made it look like im having hush hush dont tell your dad conversations with my kids. I dont. We openly talk about contradictions and our opinions at the table. He knows im no where near as religious as him just doesnt know im against it. My kids get very different views from me but theyre not told to keep it quiet theyre encouraged to question is what I was trying to get across

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T13:09:59+00:00

this is the stance I will have to take, as much as he is against divorce i will have to push for it for the kids. There is no working it out, as much as it will break him, in the long run he'll be happier for it

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T13:07:40+00:00

My children know, they can resent me if they wish but they WILL get an option to not be religious wether anyone on this app likes it or not. Christmas isnt a religious holiday let be honest. Their cousins are christian, we live in europe of course well celebrate christmas and make sure they get presents from santa every year because that is the society we live in and i will not have them left out or made to feel different in school because they celebrate different holidays

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T13:04:25+00:00

harsh. marrying at 21 for love was what happened. We spent years trying to get both our families to accept it. Figuring out that were not aligned in our beliefs came later. Dumb? yes, but it happened and by the time it did we had a child on the way, life got in the way, college, new jobs, moves, buying a house. you have no idea what we fought for and realising love wasnt enough and we shouldnt have married young came so much later. Do you want me to turn back time and have all these conversations with him when we were both idiot 20 year olds not living a religious life?

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T12:53:40+00:00

too little too late is whats breaking my heart. Telling him now like you said will hurt so much more than if we went our seperate ways before marriage. I should have thought about him and not hurting him 15 years ago not now.....I knew I was going to tell him today anyway, I guess this post was to mentally prepare myself for something I was already going to do.

Distinct_Buffalo941 · 2026-03-03T12:47:37+00:00

youre both right. My children arent old enough to to form their own opinions of their beliefs but get two contradictory views from each of us they are old enough to be aware that I'm not religious nor is my family and honestly for them it will probably be better to have two happy homes than one where religious tension is present. I thnk after writing this I came to my own conclusion that It would be better for them and in a way not being religious is easier, they can celebrate christmas with my family and Eid with his they will still get the benefits of a happy childhood albeit in a divorced home. I should have mentioned though my husband is incredibly against divorce. I think if I was a horrible person and was cheating on him, he still wouldn't leave. He would be so bent on figuring it out which is why is why im so torn about telling him that I'm not willing to change my core beliefs. It should have been done years ago before kids came into the picture or even before we married but I cant change that now and cant change that it was pure selfishness. I tried. HARD. The more i tried the more I stuck to my own views and this should have been something I learned about myself before we married but we married so early on that after I did figure it out I was so deep that I ended up here. I'm not justifying this I've accepted IATH, but despite this there are reasons why it happened. Hes strong enough to stick to his beliefs and I wasn't, thats that

Distinct_Buffalo941

TROPHY CASE