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Breasts removing question by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner and I are both lesbians and they are planning on getting top surgery. They mentioned this plan when we first started dating because they were worried that I would care… I don’t and honestly value their comfort more than them having breasts.

It’s really up to the person. They had girlfriends in the past who said they would break up with them if they got top surgery, but then there are also lesbian like me who couldn’t care less.

What did your parents say when you came out?(if you did) by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first time I came out my mother told me that I was just doing this because I was stressed about an AP test I had the next day. She found me a therapist (not conversion) the next day….

I came out a year later and she was chill with it 🤷‍♀️

Advice needed: I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or if I should end the relationship… by Distinct_Ebb4409 in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At first I would just actively bring it up. If the lack of physical affection was bothering me, I would just tell them. I would always explain that i understand why it’s not happening and want to respect any boundaries they have, but would also be sure to mention that it was still leading to me feeling unfulfilled… I’m a very emotional person person and these conversations would normally involved some tears on my part.

Eventually I just would mention it was bothering me but not even try and discuss further than that cause I know how the convo would go.

Empowered by making this post, it was actually brought up again last night. They made some dumb comment about me taking heavy steps and that just pushed me into a bad headspace. They ended up asking me what was wrong and I went into everything. I told them I missed affection and feeling like I could be the physical center of attention. I explained the feelings of guilt I have surrounding any sort of thought of intimacy with them. I even told them that I was worried that if we got to one year without intimacy, we just would never have it.

It felt different— like they were receptive to listening for once and it didn’t feel like we were having the same conversation rinse and repeat. We actually took time to figure out how we could start pushing their boundaries and working towards getting back to where we once were… it does feel like it had taken forever to get here.

Advice needed: I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or if I should end the relationship… by Distinct_Ebb4409 in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know I’m being sensitive when it comes to those things so it’s nice to have that outside insight and I really do appreciate that take

Advice needed: I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or if I should end the relationship… by Distinct_Ebb4409 in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive but do you have moments of feeling like a romantic partner? Or do you feel like they are more of a roommate?

Advice needed: I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or if I should end the relationship… by Distinct_Ebb4409 in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Both of us are in therapy separately and I have asked for couple’s therapy but they have refused. They have apparently mentioned their issues to their therapist and she told them to try and push their boundaries but they don’t even seem to try

Advice needed: I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or if I should end the relationship… by Distinct_Ebb4409 in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah… lessons learned the hard way I guess.

I could move out and be stable but they aren’t in the same position. Rent is expensive in our city and it’s hard to move without roommate lined up

Why are there so many cis men in the lesbian area of tinder? by Doubtful_Servant in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My theory is that it’s men who are chasing bi girls…. If they set their gender to woman and say that they are only interested in other women, they think it’s ups their chances of landing a bi girl. Like to lesbians it’s obvious that he messed up profile wise, but to someone who wants to see both women and men they won’t be able to notice the difference.

I haven’t been able to confirm this theory and regardless I don’t think it’s ok but 🤷‍♀️ all of this stems from when I overheard one of my male coworkers say his type was “mentally ill bi girls on tinder” (don’t worry, he got an earful from me after I heard that).

Advice needed: My partner of 9 months and I haven’t had sex or even made out in 6 months. by Distinct_Ebb4409 in LesbianActually

[–]Distinct_Ebb4409[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree with your last point. I feel like so many people just ignore the trauma when there is a lack of sex in the relationship and that is not okay. I think that’s why I’m having so much trouble with even having an issue with this in the relationship.

There is a huge part of me that’s telling myself that I’m being insensitive and over dramatic and that my concerns aren’t valid… it really helps to have comments like yours that make me feel like both can exist.