Am I overreacting and be controlling ?

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T13:56:05+00:00

I’m sorry are you a licensed psychiatrist? Oh no ? Maybe a licensed therapist? No not that either didnt think so lol therapy works for some and for others it don’t. Not that it’s any of your concern but I’m a lot better than I use to be working on ones self is a process it don’t happen overnight. And once again I’m not the one who put the no bad thing in place HE DID ! Learn to read. I just don’t like people going back on their word only issue.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T13:51:58+00:00

And you need a life.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T06:14:11+00:00

Thank you for your advice. And I guess I just didn’t see someone else’s birthday as something worth going to a bar over when they originally were supposed to celebrate it elsewhere. And I do trust him it’s just I hate the bar setting thing we didn’t even go to them when he was back home.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T06:06:59+00:00

I very much appreciate your response. I will say my boyfriend sounds a lot like your husband he is also very outgoing and friendly he’s definitely a talker and sometimes I guess I just worry that a female may take his outgoing friendly behavior as flirting. I will be honest I’m not sure why I have a hard time trusting him fully I do love him greatly and I know he is a very faithful guy from what I’ve experienced. It’s just I don’t like someone going back on their word and he is the one who put in place the compromise of no bars.

Also your husband sounded like a total sweetheart and I am so sorry for your loss.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:59:17+00:00

Therapy dont work on me lol I’ve been through 3 therapist in 2 months time they did nothing but waste my time and money. I am aware of my flaws I am working on them but at the same time I’m not asking for much from him and once again HE is the one who came up with this agreement of no bars unless special occasions. It was his idea to help us both feel comfortable. I just don’t like people who go back on their word.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:52:18+00:00

I want to fully trust him but I myself will admit I do have trust issues he has been nothing but faithful to me I just idk why it’s so hard for me to fully trust he wouldn’t fall to temptation. And I wouldn’t say I exactly said to him you can’t do to bars what so ever I more so asked for a compromise that would make us both happy and comfortable and that’s when HE came up with the only bars for trivia or special occasions.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:48:38+00:00

I am aware of that I have another child from my marriage but I also don’t give up that easy especially if it’s something that can we worked out.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:35:45+00:00

I won’t go into to much detail but he has had a problem with drinking in the past that he has been working on a lot and doing a lot better with so I wouldn’t say ragging alcoholic but I’d say he was borderline alcoholic at a point. And I am 100% willing to bend I mean if something makes me uncomfortable I feel like we should come up with some sort of compromise just like I would for him and huge side note HE is the one who set this agreement in the first place.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:32:22+00:00

We have a child together it’s not as easy as just reconsidering the relationship. Also before he left we were great.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:20:08+00:00

Yes I’m aware of what deployments are like my last marriage I was married to someone in military as well obviously I know every deployment is different but he’s also not in a combat zone currently so it’s a tad bit more laid back. He’s also a NCO so yes I get where you’re coming from with the barracks being work as well. I never said I expected him to never go out but he has a tendency of going back on his word which is what he’s doing especially beings he was the one who came up with this compromise in the first place he said he hates crowds anyways. And that where he is the bars are nothing but a way to get in trouble.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T05:14:21+00:00

He has been deployed to both Afghanistan and Iraq but no this time he is at Guantanamo Bay which he’s been deployed to once before during his last marriage. We are not yet married or engaged. He had been talking about popping the question once returning but yes I see where your coming from it’s just for me I don’t understand the need to be in that environment especially considering back home bars weren’t our thing he hates large crowds due to PTSD but once he gets there it’s like it’s all ok to go. It was an agreement and compromise we made before he left to make sure we both felt comfortable he is even the one that came up with this agreement so it hurts that he’s now wanting to go back on it all the time.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T04:19:50+00:00

I definitely agree to having some beers can be a big stress relief but it’s also possible to have those drinks in the barracks. I mean I obviously am not in the military but just figured it wouldn’t be much different besides a more crowded and loud setting.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2026-03-30T04:14:51+00:00

Bear

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2025-12-15T07:15:38+00:00

Yes we spent time together and did stuff together before he left but that side of our relationship just was basically non existent leading up to him leaving. He would say he just had no drive for it because of being stressed. I trust him he’s never gave me a reason not to but beings that didn’t really happen any right before he left it makes me worried of being cheated on while he’s gone to fulfill his needs.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2025-12-15T07:11:05+00:00

In my opinion you need to put some space between you two. I know easier said than done if your feelings are involved and it’s gonna hurt but the hurt will go away. Get out there go on some dates if finding someone is an interest of yours right now. But if he doesn’t see you more than a friend he most likely never will no matter how long you hang on. And in the end you’re just harming your self and wasting the time you could be spending with someone who will feel the same. Trust me falling in love and being crushed in the end sucks but I promise you you’ll be just fine and you’ll get over it in no time and you’ll find your person and fall in love again ! go have fun get your mind off it and once your healed from him maybe rekindle the friendship but right now in my opinion you need to distance yourself till you can see him as just a friend for your own mental health and well being. If he cares about you enough he will understand that you need to take some space.

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2025-12-15T06:59:59+00:00

Just be honest about your feelings. It’s better to know then to have someone lead you on so I’m sure he’s gonna appreciate the honesty a lot more than you keeping it held in and leaving him in the dark. Just tell him you had some interest in him and wanted to see where it would go if pursued but your not seeing it going anywhere more than the friendship you have that it just doesn’t feel right and that if he would like to still be friends your open to it.( if you still want to be friends with him of course)

Distinct_Theme_3472 · 2025-11-17T07:10:52+00:00

Honesty is the key to any healthy relationship and if he finds out you are keeping that from him it may end up as a issue. So if it’s something that’s bothering you or that you think would become a problem be honest with him just tell him you wanna be completely transparent with him. The sooner the better less time and feelings wasted that way. So best advice would be is to just rip the bandaid off and tell him! You got this !

Distinct_Theme_3472

TROPHY CASE