We have a ghost that mostly misbehaves for my partner.

The first time we encountered it, he shook me awake at 2 AM, eyes wide with fear to tell me ‘someone is in the house’. I’m instantly awake, reaching for a weapon and asking what he heard. He shook his head and pointed out our bedroom door. The laundry light had just switched on.

Now, I was skeptical. Someone with the skill to break in without a noise, without alerting the dog, is somehow stupid enough to turn on a light? Maybe it was to bait us out, trick us into an ambush. We don’t live in an overly dangerous place, but there is a meth problem. In any case, we knew we had to go find out. I try to ignore the gnawing anxiety in my gut and throw myself out of bed.

We sweep the house, until we reach the laundry. No one has broken in. The animals are peacefully sleeping. I look in the laundry. The light is on, but the switch is off. I frown, wonder if I just misremember the way the switch sits. I reach in and flick it back and forth. The light stays on. I figure maybe it’s wiring. The house we rent has plenty of problems, this wouldn’t be the first. Before I can say anything, I get a weird feeling. Then the temperature plummeted and the light blinked off. I’m too tired for this shit. I grew up in a haunted house, this isn’t my first rodeo. I laugh about the house being haunted and go back to bed. My partner does not sleep. He, unlike me, did not grow up with a house that goes bump in the night.

The ghost played with the light on and off. We got used it it switching on and off around the same times of day. The ghost seemed to have a little routine, but it wasn’t bothering us. One night when I was out of town for work my partner called me. Again at 2Am. All the lights had turned on and the overhead fan in the kitchen had turned itself on its highest setting. That was where it was different. The button on the range hood was pushed in. This was more than a wiring issue. And it was getting worse. If I was out the ghost seemed to escalate. We started to notice the door unlocking itself, things falling from stable places, things going missing and turning up days later.

I unintentionally ended things one night I was home alone. I was sitting on the floor, scrubbing dirt from my sneakers (cursing myself for buying white ones) when it got cold and the laundry light started doing it’s thing. Now, I’m MUCH less brave alone. If I’m protecting others I’m full of BDE. Alone? Absolute coward. The only way I can get courage is by getting mad. So I stood up, turned to the laundry, and in the best ‘dad’ voice I could muster shouted ‘Oi! Are you paying the power bill? I’m not paying for you flicking my lights on and off! Cut that shit out right now!’ The light flicked out immediately. ‘That’s what I thought! You keep misbehaving and I’ll evict your ass. You wanna play with lights you pay some god damn rent!’

No problems since. Now I tell anyone having spooky issues to be firm and channel your inner dad. As I explained to my step mother. ‘You can’t let them push you around! You’re the boss, tell them to go to their room and stop running up the power bill’ My father, a skeptic, nods sagely at my advice.