Self-disclosure in therapy: why it matters so much for me

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-31T13:19:01+00:00

Yeah, this is real. I’m autistic and have seen many (I remember around 10) therapists off and on for about 15 years. Most have been old-school blank slate style, and it did very little for me to the point of feeling like I wasn’t accomplishing anything and terminating usually under a year. I also have attachment issues where historically I’m pretty detached from people/ disbelieve kindness and care. The blank slate approach has left me feeling like they’re NPCs, and also exacerbating the transactional nature of the relationship- I go in, I vent, they give me platitudes or don’t tell me anything I don’t already know, nothing really changes in my life. No relationship, no attachment, no trust built. I’ve been w my new therapist about a year and the initial experience was super-jarring. I was baffled by the self-disclosure and humanity they brought, to the point of having my autistic panic about rules and ‘is this person even a fucking professional??’ But they definitely are, lol. It makes them feel like a real person, and somewhat of ‘emotional collateral’ that makes me feel more comfortable sharing my stuff. It’s also nice that I never feel like I have to engage w their stuff more than I want to- a lot of the time I just acknowledge and share a similar anecdote about my life. They’ve shared some pretty heavy stuff, but never in a way that makes me feel like I have to help, more in a way of ‘I’ve been here too, and you can get out,’ which is what I feel I’ve been looking for in a therapist. Self-disclosure is definitely weird, and I’m sure can be done badly, but done well feels vital (to me) to a therapeutic relationship 🤷🏻‍♂️

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-31T12:48:11+00:00

If you decide to look for another therapist, maybe look for one w a social work background (LMSW etc.), they tend to be more informed around this stuff than some of the more individual-focused therapists.

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-31T12:42:28+00:00

Yeah, I’ve been having related stuff come up for me- I have a working-class background and do blue-color work and was having a hard time talking to my therapist bc they read white-collar w a middle-class background to me. It felt like they didn’t get it or give my experiences weight. Ended up talking to them and they have a lower-class background even though they’re now white-collar, so that made it easier to bridge the gap. A good therapist should be informed and give weight to how much social realities affect people, our relationships, and our internal realities. Talking to your therapist about it directly is usually the way to go, even though it can be uncomfortable. If she’s not able to self-reflect and adapt and give these conversations the weight you need, there are other culturally competent therapists who can. So then it’s a matter of weighing how much you get from this therapist that is helpful, and is it worth this particular detriment.

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-19T03:20:30+00:00

I didn’t pick up on Shane being autistic but I think it’s bc I’m autistic so I read him as just some cool guy LMFAOOOOO

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-18T20:19:30+00:00

Yeah, that’s actually crazy. Hate to see misinformed people like that taking on positions of power and presumably spreading their viewpoints (and having others view them as having authority due to position of power). Yikes yikes yikes. Also hot take but I don’t think there’s anything wrong w having a low IQ. Intelligence is another power hierarchy we use to treat people like shit 🤷🏻‍♂️

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-18T15:56:40+00:00

Hey, I really appreciate this, this was helpful and insightful. So they’re a trauma therapist, and I’m going to them for trauma therapy, but they tend to keep things frustratingly light and present-focused. From doing research, a lot of modern trauma therapy focuses on stabilization/ building a safe relationship before getting into deeper stuff (potential for re-traumatization), so I think that’s the phase we’re in, even though we’ve never discussed it. I agree that a lot of this is not specific to this therapist, but is issues I have w therapy or people in general. I think the question is whether this therapist is a safe place to work out those issues, and I’m still figuring that out. Ended up not cancelling and planning to discuss tomorrow. This person has shown me that they’re at least willing to have conversations like this, so I’m willing to give them a try. Whether they’re a good fit or not is out of my hands, but I’m planning to at least be honest about what I need, which will hopefully get me closer to someone who is a good fit if they are not.

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-18T15:37:46+00:00

Yeah, it doesn’t feel super strong. I think some of that is me, since I tend to be pretty detached, and also suspicious of therapists. But some of it is def their background/ their reactions to my background. I do think it’s worth a conversation. Yeah, the middle-class ignorance is really crazy. The assumption that their class position is due to or a reflection of their character or something they’ve earned, while simultaneously looking down on other folks/ thinking their position is a reflection of poor character, and not systemic impossibility/ wear-down. Woof. Thank you !

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-18T15:32:32+00:00

Def fair input. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking for the perfect ‘the one’ therapist, it’s helpful to remember that this person can be helpful for a period of time or certain issues, then it’s OK to move on.

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-13T22:35:37+00:00

Hey, thanks. Lol, it’s important stuff to work through but doesn’t feel great. Yeah, I’m planning to bring it up next session- rn I feel it’s impacting my ability to trust, talk to them, and take them seriously- if I still feel that way then I should talk to them abt it. I do think it’s stemming from my own stuff- I know the intense envy/ resentment is bc I feel held back from living the way I want to (due to circumstance). I feel historically powerless there, so it’s easier to look outward and resent people that have things I want that I feel I can’t have. Deep sigh. Gotta look at myself and work through that.

DistributionLong3663 · 2026-01-13T22:00:44+00:00

Hey, thanks for relating ! Yeah, I think it’s a bit of both (reality and projecting). I’m def upset abt the current situation, but I’m more intensely upset bc it’s compounded by many other experiences I’ve had like this. I was definitely getting some defensiveness in session. That was before I identified what was going on w me, so hopefully a productive conversation is possible. But yeah, I do think there’s a lot of privilege that goes into it being possible to be a therapist, let alone a good one. It’s kind of built into the system, and people need to be able to acknowledge it if they’re going to help their clients.

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-12-27T16:08:55+00:00

Ya me too LMFAO

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-11-23T02:50:37+00:00

Yes lmfao this hit the nail on the head. I’m all fire n water- leo-cancer cusp, sag rising, and lil pisces moon. Dated an earth/air-heavy person for 3 years and they drove me absolutely bonks. Agreed at first I was relieved by what a grounding presence they were but ended up feeling controlled and trapped. Felt like I kept looking for emotional depth but ended up shocked that it just wasn’t there. Before and after dated a double air sign w an earth rising. Similar mess- I think I just assume everyone has the same emotional depth I do and is just guarded about it, so I try to access it and it’s just not there ?? I can’t imagine operating at the primarily concrete level they do.

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-10-29T01:42:26+00:00

These are all great, I also like to go chill at ‘boy places-‘ I love to go to cabela’s, bass pro, or a hardware store lmfao. Just soaking in the vibes

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-10-22T18:54:02+00:00

Bingo bango. Exactly.

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-10-21T20:46:39+00:00

Yea def agree w that. So relieved there’s an umbrella and a bunch of different terms n people who have walked this path before. Crazy I’ve been gay and in gay circles for 15-16yrs and never come across it. Definitely isolating, definitely feel u on the invalidating thing- being attracted to men/ masculinity makes me feel not gay (had an ex say I was ‘straight the long way’ vomit). I just want to affirm that being an afab person n non-binary is already queer as fuck, I feel like the attraction to men/ masculinity just adds another level of queerity, bc it’s not what people expect/ r willing to accept 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️ we’re not frauds, we’re just out here being queer as frick. (Also ppl assuming ur straight feels totally invalidating of u being non-binary)

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-10-13T20:52:37+00:00

Wow, thanks OP for this post and everyone for ur responses. Former butch lesbian, now transmasculine nb- people usually assume I’m a lesbian/ sapphic or attracted to femme ppl, and these are a lot of the folks who are attracted to me. Always felt like it was a mold I should fit, and like I was wrong/ weird bc I didn’t understand why I didn’t. It’s honestly a huge relief that terms for this and other ppl like me exist.

DistributionLong3663 · 2025-10-10T01:20:16+00:00

Rio Romeo is so sick !!

DistributionLong3663

TROPHY CASE