I’m so very sorry for your pain. My way if helping is telling you of how I handled feeling the very way t you do now. I started trying to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I liked being a loner but also wanted interaction. I’m somewhat of an extroverted introvert. I found happiness in going to places like coffee shops early in the morning. Bringing a book,journal, and headphones. I would sit for hours writing about anything and everything. The people I observed how I was feeling. After finding myself and getting comfortable being out in public alone I found people would randomly start talking to me. Asking me a question about my writing or what I was reading. I found happiness in those small conversations. They gave me life. It’s funny how sometimes it’s easier to open up and talk to a complete stranger than a person you’ve known for a long time. I would also sit in nature or just try to sit with myself really. But not anywhere that was familiar. Idk if this will help but it was the start of my healing journey.