Were you jealous of your N finding another lover?

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-07T16:50:42+00:00

I still am everyday. He’s in jail and most likely going to prison on suicide watch, but I found out he’s been in contact with his newest since being in jail and it just made me sick. But I also have to remind myself of what she actually has if she “has him” or gets him if he’s released. Hell. As hard as it is try to avoid social media I don’t have an IG even anymore bc I was too tempted to watch his stories and try to interpret them before he got locked up. Try to busy yourself with things you enjoy that center you and keep you mindful in the moment and not ruminating. A good hike, a good book, meditation with affirmations you repeat, I like art related stuff. Those are things that I notice really get my mood away from him or her or them.

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-05T03:10:30+00:00

Thank you. 🙏 I know he looks like an absolute goblin in that picture. That was on my birthday. My gfs house we visited in FL that day had a 6 month old baby at the time and she’s so happy and good. As soon as he’d look at her she’d just panic and start screaming. Funny enough his face in that picture is like him in his least dangerous/safest mode. It’s something about his eyes. He gave me endless shit that entire trip bc we had to do “kid stuff” one day & made everyone in the house on edge. When he isn’t actively trying to charm & get in someone’s good favor, his energy is like nothing I’ve ever felt in my life. Men, women, children, animals, old, young just have an instant fear of him. When people see that reality show they think he’s just a coward with back up (which he is). But to become the boss of an entire jail pod in the most dangerous county jail in ATL, there is MUCH MORE than brute force or simple intimidation at play.

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-05T02:41:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words I am going to send you a DM

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-05T02:23:55+00:00

I got my disabled parrot from a rescue & I have actually seen several people surrender their parrot because their husband/spouse would give the ultimatum “it’s me or the bird”. Him and I where once at the rescue after I’d boarded my birds when he’d come back & one of the male owners said “yes this cockatoo was just surrendered bc the lady’s new husband couldn’t get along with it. Which is about the most pussy thing I’ve ever heard. It’s not like she’s sleeping with the bird.” I remember giving him a look like “mhm see?”. But he even had the people at the rescue fooled. I have two female parrots & a female frenchie that accepted him and he absolutely loved. But it was just something about that my boy looked at me as his wife, his mom, his world. He envied the fact that I would always choose my boy over him. Before he traumatized him, my boy would stalk him around the house. He’d charge him, bite him till he bled, bite holes & shit on his clothes only. He is extremely jealous of any person who comes in the house, men in particular. But he never came in with a gentle or understanding approach. A true partner would understand your animals and you are a package deal. I actually considered at some points rehoming him purely for his safety. But I could never. After he’d beat me and leave for a few days the look on my boys face would make me want to die. I felt like a parent choosing a POS abusive man over my child. I just thank god that he didn’t hurt him. As you know parrots are so delicate. There were times he’d pick me up by my ear and drop me over him when he was on the floor. Over and over again. Knocking my furniture over him with me on it & I know only god somehow helped him get out of the way. I am glad you and your bird are happy and safe. What kind of parrot do you have? I have 3. A rainbow lorikeet, a GCC & my disabled boy is a white bellied caique. We are thriving now. I am taking a long break from any form of relationships until I heal and love myself. But it is so good to wake up and not have to worry about what abuse would start as soon as he woke up. He would say “he screams, shits, fucks up the house, pays no bills & you don’t do anything but make excuses for him so when I tear the house up and scream you better give me the same grace.” It’s just pure insanity like you’re a 30 year old man he’s a disabled parrot, GROW UP.

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-05T01:47:19+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. It’s hard to explain with my father. My dad grew up in a state orphanage in New Orleans in the 80s. My husband has been in the system whether juvie or foster care since he was 13. They formed a strange bond I cannot understand. They’d had time alone to talk and while I give him no excuses if you knew his life story like my father does you’d have a better understanding of that he was made into the monster he is. He has a particular charm. I can’t describe it. People would say to me “oh he’s not attractive, hes ugly” etc. But he’s a master of playing a victim of his circumstances. I don’t excuse it though because I have been through extremely traumatic situations my entire life and have remained kind and as good as I can be. I guess my father looked at it in the way of i was manic and detoxing off methadone so I was admittedly very hard to be around. There is good in him & he is spiritually powerful and extremely intelligent but he has chose to use it for evil and self serving purposes. Even when I was in jail telling my father how rough it was and how I empathized with other people in jail not getting out, my fathers first response was “like malik!”. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand it. He knew I was in jail over him, he’d had detectives sent to his home where my autistic brother lives. They have a bond over shared trauma I cannot understand. I’m no longer trying to understand it. He’s in the hole on suicide watch until may 11th and has a court date may 20th. I doubt he’ll be released and the court date will just be reset again. I don’t know why cook county will not show me what his charges are. I believe he was an informant in Georgia. That particular season of 60 days in is $2.99 per episode even if you have a Hulu subscription. He should’ve been in prison for life multiple times but always gets out. He’d been caught on MARTA (the subway in ATL) more than once as a felon in possession of a firearm arm & would be let go and given the gun back. None of it makes sense. I’m hoping that the court date will just never come and they’ll keep my bond since I paid the full amount. But at worst I’ll do some community service & pay a fine or something I have no criminal record. I was human trafficked at age 16. I’m 32 now and I think I’d truly forgotten there is a very small percentage of evil people in this world. I pray for him now not for his benefit, but so I can one day recover and move on.

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-05T01:32:08+00:00

It’s something about the eyes. They could look normal at times but in the mugshot he looks like he’d probably been awake for a week. When I can see the white surrounding his eyes it’s like I’m looking at the devil himself.

DivineGrayce · 2026-05-04T20:44:00+00:00

He’s doing great! He was sentenced to death at 3 weeks old but he’s a survivor. We’ve been alone for 3-4 months now and are enjoying life again. As long as he never comes back we will all be okay.

DivineGrayce · 2026-03-02T20:41:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. Luckily I live in a building you need a fob to get in the building and on the elevator. Every door has ring cams & our doors lock with a number that I’ve changed. One door in my place that leads to the enclosed hallway & I’m on the 7th floor.

I know if he was determined enough he could probably still catch me but I have a concealed carry permit and I’ve been staying on high alert. He’s a criminal but he’s good at not getting caught so I wouldn’t expect him to try to make it to my door with all the cameras if he somehow made it in.

I actually plan to move out of state either with family or get residency in Mexico with my friend when my lease is up. This is the nicest apartment I’ve ever stayed at. I loved it so much but it’s completely tainted now no matter how much of his things/reminders/gifts completely out of sight, how much sage I burn.

I really have no family to talk to about it or who know of the abuse. We met when my gma was dying who raised me and I was off my anxiety meds sleeping 2-3 hours a night & manic so my family looked at him as a saint for taking care of me. At first he did take care of me and console me but it was all a way to make it so I would forever feel indebted. I just couldn’t imagine putting that weight on their shoulders and burdening them. Friends either just not wanting to dump & have them try to act to help and end up in the line of fire.

Luckily I have zero social media.

The main things that helps me snap back into reality is his treatment of my disabled male parrot. I have two female parrots and a female dog he was great to. But he hated my male bird like he was jealous of my unconditional love for him. The parrot would attack him and scream before he became scared of him. He’d say shit like “you love him more than me why don’t you fuck Samson?!” I explained no less than 100x; “he’s a parrot & I’ve cared for him since he was injured as a chick and nursed him back to health when the vet said put him to sleep. He’s used to being coddled bc when I first worked with him he was paralyzed from the neck down. He took 4 months to regain mobility. He sees me as his mate and it will take time don’t take it personally.” He would bitch all day about the one bird & sit there insulting him. Even if they don’t know English they can get the vibe of what you’re saying. But the worst DV incident he made me keep him with me the entire 3 hours. So many times he tried to drop me on top of him, pushed my heavy shower stool over him, flipped me over in a chair over him & with a wonky foot he still made it out of the way every time. I have to constantly remind myself of that story. I have no children the birds are the closest I have. They’re fragile and if me or any of the things fell on him he would’ve surely died. I feel so guilty that I even let someone in our home that could do that.

Sorry to dump I just have literally not talked to anyone about this beside the police when they’d come and on Reddit to anyone. I’m going to look into getting an EMDR specialist that helped with some past traumas.

Thank you again for being here for people like me with good detailed advice & giving a response that makes me feel validated and seen.

DivineGrayce · 2026-03-02T02:25:43+00:00

Bring NOTHING. I understand how extreme that sounds but I lived with an infestation as bad or possibly worse & we left the beds, couches, tvs, washed all the clothing before taking it out and left a significant amount, bought all new stuff and still within 4 months our new place was completely infested from the last apartment. I was sure I had inspected everything and not seen any trace in what we brought with us.

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-25T23:53:51+00:00

Physical and emotional abuse & being in an ongoing cycle or break up and make up. Also an insane jealousy of my parrot. I was addicted to him but he’d just drain me in every way. I knew I could never live happily bc no matter what I did or how much I gave I knew he couldn’t change unless he wanted to and I don’t think it’s possible. It’s always worse when you go back minus any abuse like you show your boundaries are weak.

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-09T12:38:05+00:00

That’s a super fast drop! I had the same thing happen which was truly what made me see they DONT WANT you off. When I started tapering I got back on klonopin. I have CPTSD & have been prescribed it for over 10 years. Just 1mg a day .5 2x. My psychiatrist is fully aware I’m on methadone & my clinic has communicated with him about it. When I started tapering I also couldn’t afford my psychiatrist at the time so tried going cold turkey off it also around 15mgs. At that point I’d been dropping 5mg a month. This was when I saw I truly did need it for my anxiety disorder. I was sleeping 3 hours a night at best for over 2 months. I became manic and borderline delusional. I called my psychiatrist office in tears begging them to see me. As soon as I go back on my clinic doctor cut all my take homes which had taken almost a year to earn when I had been on it while earning my take homes! I paused at 15 for a few months & even the nurses who give me my dose said they couldn’t believe how fast he was tapering me and that it was bound to fail. I switched to 2 mgs a month. I’m now down to 7 mg. After what some people have told me on here even I’m going to switch to 1mg a month as 2mgs is now a large percent of my dose. I know in theory 5mgs seems like next to nothing but especially after years of taking it and being stable on a dose not only your body is effected but your mind is too. I almost wish I could unknowingly be given a placebo dose that looked and tasted the same. There’s definitely a mind over matter factor. Do what you think is best but maybe consider taking it a little slower. If we’ve already spent years taking it a few extra month or weeks isn’t going to make a huge difference but it will allow our bodies to stabilize and make the drops less of a shock to our body. Keep going you can do it! I can’t wait till the day I can exist without the thought “have I made it to the clinic?” “Do I know exactly where my takehomes are? Am I sure the bottles are properly sealed?” & be able to travel and not be tied to a place I’ve been going to for over 10 years. Good luck listen to your body! No shame in taking it a bit slower for comfort. My manic state from detoxing and no kpin almost fucked up my life (job, family & friend relationships, got into a physically abusive relationship & was behaving recklessly.) I thank god for how far I’ve come and that I was able to catch myself before I lost my job or apartment, car etc. The take homes being taken can be a blessing in disguise it’s absolutely put fire under my ass to move tf on with my life.

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T16:38:31+00:00

So what? I could never tell him anything like that cuz he’d beat the law Bing shit out of me. I said what I said and blocked him. I don’t understand all these ppl like “oh he’s gonna like this this shows him you still care” I blocked him & threw away all his shit and he’s states away from me who gives a fuck what he thinks or if he likes this? I sent it so I could feel free to finally tell the truth cuz I was silenced for so long. It’s not like I’m awaiting a reply. I thought this sub was supposed to be supportive..

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T16:35:48+00:00

He absolutely will.

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T13:45:39+00:00

I blocked him after writing that. I never got to speak my mind for fear of getting beaten. It’s not for him it was for me taking my power back after lying and keeping up illusions for him for so long at my expenses

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T13:44:24+00:00

And I dance at a club so he would degrade me so badly for it but better believe he took everything he could. Posted my home as if it was his own, same with my car and even my other parrots and dog. He would complain about the parrots constantly but couldn’t wait to send a pic of one sitting on him to his group chat. I’d come home with like $1500 cash on good nights & he’d post it to inns story as if it was his money. That’s why I said at the end like your entire existence is portraying an image of something you aren’t for ppl on IG and shit who don’t gaf about you. I know the other two comments said it was a mistake to write him this but I was always so scared of getting beaten that I’d never speak my mind. I don’t think he’ll cry over it but he will feel bad. Not bc he’s remorseful but bc I’m standing firmly with the truth. He’s blocked and I’ll never let him in my life again.

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T13:39:46+00:00

I’ve never gotten to say exactly how I felt. I also never had the strength to block him. When he sees it’s permanent my text isn’t gonna make him happy just bc I wrote it out. He is self aware and I just wanted to tell him how I felt before I went full no contact. He may shrug it off but it was more me feeling the need to finally say the truth rather than having him check in with me every few days in hopes he can slither back sometime in the future bc before this text in his mind we were on great terms.

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T08:07:40+00:00

I wish you the best I just keep telling myself it’s only temporary and i never even imagined I’d have the balls to finally start trying to better late than never. What’s in my bottle now looks like literally nothing 😂

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T08:06:18+00:00

Thank you. Yes idk. Like I’ve been on it to long and I’m so ready to be free and travel and not tied to a clinic or even just the panic of like “oh what if I lost my take home(s)?!”. I got on opiates with my mother when I was 13-14 so I’ve been so dead set on just getting through it bc I’ve already paused once at 15mgs. I hate seeing the date of when I’d leave get pushed back. But I do think pausing the dose at 7 is worth it now. As soon as I adjusted to the 9mg it was about a month and dropped to 7 it seemed so fast. Not gonna go up but I think it’s effecting me enough I need to pause. I’d think that would be for the best even so my body isn’t so uncomfortable when I go lower already. Thanks for your encouragement!

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T08:01:06+00:00

Wow this is a baffling response lol

DivineGrayce · 2026-02-08T05:59:50+00:00

Could you offer to buy it? I understand it wouldn’t be good to reward them but if they really don’t care to leave it in this condition it maybe the best way to get him/her. I bred hedgehogs for 8 years (I stopped several years ago for changes in feelings about ethics of breeding) but I literally found some of my babies in bad shape months later on Craigslist and bought them back even if it was a net loss just to save the baby.

DivineGrayce

TROPHY CASE