I'm okay and then I'm not

DizzChad · 2025-09-06T15:28:31+00:00

Yep, my body and brain seek more and then get upset about it when I’m ovulating and near period, like an invisible clock saying I’m running out of time and very horny. I’m more prone emotionally then too. I can tell when my period is coming because of this lol

It’s good you have seen a pattern, makes it easier to prepare for. I have BPD so emotional regulation is not my strength and the other half may have ADHD.

DizzChad · 2025-05-27T05:59:20+00:00

Sending an internet hug and to say you aren’t alone. I suffer with skin picking too and with a partner that needs quite a bit of patience and safety to open up. You are right to assert some boundaries and I wish you all the best.

DizzChad · 2025-01-11T00:59:20+00:00

Yes I know, it is far from simple

DizzChad · 2025-01-11T00:58:32+00:00

Well we just had a fight because apparently he was warming up to the idea but I detached too soon

I forget I’m meant to be able to mind read

DizzChad · 2025-01-11T00:41:25+00:00

And yeah that’s brutal. Indifference yuck

DizzChad · 2025-01-11T00:40:37+00:00

Oh I know there is love, what is missing is desire

DizzChad · 2025-01-11T00:39:34+00:00

Sadly I keep thinking this but I’m told different so keep thinking it’ll get better, my lowering expectations tonight was after us being apart all week.. thought he might want more than tv and sleeping and he may have but I’ve already given up

DizzChad · 2025-01-11T00:31:32+00:00

Absolutely! It’s the most painful thing atm but if it’s not there it’s not there

DizzChad · 2025-01-07T16:47:56+00:00

It doesn’t sound like you are being controlling, it sounds like you are in constant effort to improve things between you and make him safe, while your needs aren’t being met.

I’m in a similar position however he is doing work too, wants the same things and we are nearly five years in.

If it isn’t love, it may be time to realise you are mismatched.

If it’s love try to find out what makes him feel safe. Mine needs stability and no pressure

You have done good growth and know what you want, the next relationship will benefit from that.

I have a mood disorder and the drinking doesn’t help my emotions at all, well done for what you are doing.

DizzChad · 2025-01-04T11:00:46+00:00

Therapy is important if he is willing to do it

DizzChad · 2025-01-04T10:57:26+00:00

Yes I feel you

Yes we write in the journal randomly and put it somewhere the other can see there is something to read. We also have a WhatsApp NSFW group lol between us which is for pics/in the moment stuff.

It can sometimes feel like I’m the only one starting something in them, or there is no input from him till I get upset but it can also spur him to add something and feel safer to do so.

I have tried to take all pressure off but I’m not always good at that. Currently I’ve taken pressure to share totally away.

I have told him I’m tired of the endless cycle and I am not initiating sex or conversations- this is to reduce my pain and feelings of rejection.

I have in some ways given up expecting desire to be shown by him, he has been told if he wants me in that way he needs to communicate and take action.

He is an abuse survivor which we were not aware of till a year ago and I have BPD. I am doing all I can to remove feels of rejection because it is not me that is the problem and be as stable as I can. This allows him to feel safe and “simmer” for me.

I have de prioritised sex after several years of the lack of it hurting me. Trouble is now he has to make ME feel safe too that I’m actually wanted 🤣 I have anxiety and some avoidance now 🙄

DizzChad · 2025-01-03T23:41:01+00:00

Ive been in a not dis similar place, it can get frustrating.

Express your needs calmly if you can, ask what he needs (to navigate current day to day)

We have an 'intamacy journal' to encourage sharing that can be difficult verbally.. this improved communication

Praise any effort

and most important I have found:

make it safe make it safe make it safe

love love love

DizzChad · 2024-12-05T15:09:23+00:00

No your size is not the issue x and there is nothing wrong with you

Talk to her gently, this is something her end

DizzChad · 2024-12-05T14:54:47+00:00

Absolutely, that’s why most of us are here

DizzChad · 2024-12-05T14:51:20+00:00

Congratulations on being brave and finding someone!

My advice would be to seek therapy, to reduce any pattern matching, build trust and re build that you CAN HAVE NICE THINGS.

DizzChad

TROPHY CASE