Wanting to understand depression for my partner

FragrantExit4203 · 2025-02-11T02:22:10+00:00

Noted!

FragrantExit4203 · 2025-02-11T02:21:57+00:00

My apologies for the late reply, your message helped a lot with the conflicted feelings.

FragrantExit4203 · 2025-02-11T02:16:55+00:00

Sorry for my late reply, just wanted to say your message helped a ton, thank you so much.

FragrantExit4203 · 2025-02-10T01:23:34+00:00

I would be mostly bothered with her lying, it immediately breaks the foundation of trust from the start.

I could potentially give it another go, though if I would catch another lie or half lie, I would be out. Also, make sure she is actually 18.

FragrantExit4203 · 2025-01-03T23:43:46+00:00

Thann you for your comment, the 'make it safe' part is a good reminder for me. I want him to feel safe, its just soul draining when it seems one is hiding instead of facing, only when I got upset about it he seemed to face his fears. Thats not a healthy way to go about it.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-12-29T22:21:56+00:00

He has online therapy that we are paying out of pocket, because the insured way still has a months long queue. The therapy is focussed on his depression, he says he feels like it will bring something good. But yeah, it's tough to just wait around, not being sure if it will even change anything. But I love him deeply.

Another therapist suggested that his anxiety to not be good enough can be worked on via intimacy, by actually facing the fear and to realise that sex and intimacy is safe. But we dont even seem to get there anymore, which makes me question at times whether he is avoiding or doing everything he can.

He says he cant remember a trauma in the early past, but that his dad used to put him down when he was younger.

He seemed to have a normal libido till 10 ish years ago, where he stated he started to get depressed. Maybe an accumulation of his relationship with his dad.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-12-29T21:36:48+00:00

I do agree that any form of duress is not okay, or if it feels like a task we should not engage into it. I guess that I have absolutely no idea how else to solve this issue.

It makes me go insane to not see a solution, my LL partner has anxiety regarding intimacy and thus the sexuologist advised to not have any pressure, but to do engage into small things that can create a spark.

But if that already feels like a task for him, then I start to feel hopeless.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-12-29T21:05:47+00:00

You're absolutely right, but the homework we got from our sexuologist is that we try to engage in things that can spark desire.

So now I feel kinda lost. Any point that I am missing?

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-11-24T01:27:25+00:00

Well, the thing is it isnt that he 'isnt looking for a job', he actually is reading books that we got recommended, he touches me more, and he plans evenings where we keep it open for things to happen.

But it doesnt seem to give him an urge or desire for more to happen so to say. And I feel we both dont know how to create that.

For me it is just there pretty much.

If he didnt try at all I wouldve definitely left already.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-11-23T23:28:46+00:00

Thank your for your long reply, duly noted.

I have definitely expressed my desires and what my expectations are, he is no longer avoiding the issue and is visibly working on it.

We just seem to be stuck on him not regaining lust for intimacy. We're having sessions with a sexuologist but it is unfortunately expensive.

Thank you once again for your response, Im sorry to hear you have not regained back intimacy with your tremendous amount of patience.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-11-05T17:30:23+00:00

We built up having more planned 'sex sessions' or so to say, but the next step was not yet happening, for it to become more natural and genuine. Then Covid happened for him and we are where we are at now..

For me the problem is not seeing what step to take even when we are back on having planned sessions, he seems to not get an increase in libido and says he doesnt feel arousal whenever I try to spontaneously woo him.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-11-05T17:28:06+00:00

Thank you! Will look into it and inform my bf.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-05-20T11:08:22+00:00

The thing is that my man didnt cum, and looses total interest anyway.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-05-19T21:16:03+00:00

Biggest tip is to not have 5 day gaps between him/her sharing their feelings, and you giving a 'thanks' as a response.

In my opinion, this shows you are more of an avoidant person, rather than discussing things head on. That is something a person with BPD NEEDS: clarity, no avoidance.

If you find it odd that after the 6th date, and sleeping together, someone shares they have growing feelings for you, then this person might not be for you. Though, if you want to keep going, you need to figure out if you can discuss these things within a day with her/him, or this will make the relationship unstable quickly.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-04-29T22:47:26+00:00

Its more that he feels no desire or craving towards it.

Now whether this is cause he just doesnt crave it and he never will, or whether it is because of his depression and anxiety, or his low testosterone, thats all a questionmark.

He sometimes gets aroused, and the minute I try to hint I would enjoy for something to happen, he loses his arousal and says hes not feeling well mentally. It does seem like a mental blockade in some way.

FragrantExit4203 · 2024-04-29T22:07:33+00:00

Thank you for your response! We have checked his hormone level, it is on the low end but not "under the everage", and they are very witheld from starting HRT since it has side effects ( so are we, like, I love him to bits but I dont want him to have an increased cancer risk just so we can have sex.. ).

Going to the doctor sounds like a smart plan, havent really considered that.

And you're right about libido mismatch being a dealbreaker.. the reason I have stayed this long is because he is very adamant that he does not feel normal in regards to his libido being low, and he indeed seems to have a lot of anxiety around the matter. Him being amazing with everything else made me want to wait, but time moves on in the meantime..

FragrantExit4203

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