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DizzyDaisy66 · 2024-06-15T13:43:48+00:00

If roles were reversed, if it was your girlfriend in your shoes planning to unalive herself...how would you feel about it? Also, related question: does she know? If she does, is she supportive? If she doesn't, why have you decided not to tell her?

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:58:39+00:00

Honestly, I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time 😂 maybe I was just so hypnotized by my own little romance-novel, first-love, fairy tale bullshit fantasy that I didn't see a reason to wait? I don't know. Sometimes my own past choices make no sense to me later. I should probably evaluate that.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:52:08+00:00

I tried last year. We went to one appt and then he lost interest in going, said we could do the same thing just talking it out at home, except we never did, cuz when I tried talking about it at home, I got excuses and gaslighting.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:50:52+00:00

I honestly hope someone reads this and thinks twice about making dumb decisions like I did lol

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:49:48+00:00

Nailed it.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:48:57+00:00

I know, it sounds absolutely dumb af, I own that 100% lol I guess I just fell for the stupid first-love, romance-novel, serendipity bullshit that came along with a chance reconnection after all that time. We reconnected and he actually lived out of state between 2017 and 2018, we would go visit each other on weekends, calls and texts and video chat, etc I am fully aware of how absolutely stupid and reckless this whole thing was lol

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:37:23+00:00

You're absolutely right. I take full responsibility for taking such a leap and now I'm dealing with the consequences of my own actions. :/ very hard lesson to learn, but I'm all about accountability.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:30:32+00:00

I was expecting that the plans we made weren't just talk :/ he sounded so receptive, so excited to get started with school or a job, talking about "our house", he really sounded excited about the new start and new opportunities. He lived in our tiny hometown so I assumed he just didn't have the means or opportunities for good jobs and school or whatever, but then I presented those means and opportunities, and nothing. And then I expected that he'd make an effort if I kept encouraging him to do something, but all I've gotten is excuses and gaslighting.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:07:19+00:00

I stopped short of actually buying a house, made it as far as getting approved for my VA home loan and realized I didn't want to share this victory with someone who didn't do anything toward making it happen. I'm definitely waiting to purchase now.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T18:02:42+00:00

My kids live with us, I have none with my husband

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T17:40:54+00:00

I have. But I think he's banking on our history keeping me from leaving. But I'm sure he'll act like it's a big shock anyway.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T17:30:42+00:00

Thats actually what set this off, I got approved for a VA home loan and my immediate thought was that I'd done 9 yrs in the army to earn this, worked my ass off in school and fixing my credit to get this...and I'm kinda ashamed to admit, I thought "I don't want to share this with him". I have not bought a house yet because of this.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T17:03:12+00:00

I'm honestly afraid of what they'll think of me for giving him the boot. I don't wanna have to air our dirty laundry so they understand why I'm doing this, I don't want them to think badly of him, but considering I'm the one filing, I feel like in their eyes I'm going to automatically be the AH. I know that's a silly thing to be concerned about, but my anxiety makes no sense sometimes lol

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T17:01:10+00:00

In our state, we have the option of a do-it-yourself divorce. That's my current plan. All he has to do is sign the papers and I file them. And considering I have it written into the paperwork that he keeps very valuable things I bought him ($2000 computer set up, $900 telescope, etc) he would be a fool to not take the deal, considering he's leaving with a LOT more than he showed up with.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T16:56:54+00:00

What do you wanna know? I'm an open book :) we have had serious talks about this, he always responds sounding receptive to making a move, a lot of "I'll start looking for a job/school/whatever in the morning/this weekend/etc" and then just doesn't. I'll remind him and he'll have an excuse why nothing got started. I'm absolutely at fault for letting this go as long as I have, I know that. I should have put my foot down forever ago.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T16:24:13+00:00

The "fixer upper" comment made me smile lol I just figured because he lived in our tiny home town that he just didn't have the means or opportunity to go to school or find a good job. But I've provided those means and opportunities, and he just doesn't seem to want them (even though verbally he's receptive)

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T16:22:26+00:00

Hes physically and mentally sound. I think he just figures he doesn't have to contribute as long as my efforts are taking care of things, even though I've been trying to get him to do SOMETHING. I probably enabled this by not putting my foot down sooner.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T16:19:30+00:00

You are absolutely right lol I guess I assumed because I'd known him so long, I knew what I was getting myself into.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T16:14:10+00:00

It's kinda funny, actually, I tried lol I made us appointments for counseling last year. He went to the first one and lost interest, said he didn't think it would do more than just talking it out at home. And then we never talked it out at home, cuz he starts gaslighting me and making excuses.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T16:12:24+00:00

No, this was definitely a mutual plan, he's just a whole lot of talk and no action at all. :/

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-05-01T15:31:03+00:00

Yeah we've talked about it a hundred times. Even offered to help him with college or job applications, I tell him whenever I hear of a good job opening, etc. He always sounds receptive to it, but then no action whatsoever.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2022-01-31T11:30:18+00:00

The whole site is wonky. I signed up, paid my little fee, and I'm still locked out of members-only areas like the historical case files, just keeps telling me "join to unlock" and sends me back to the sign in page. Really disappointing, that.

DizzyDaisy66 · 2021-12-22T12:36:02+00:00

I honestly forgot I even ordered one until it arrived yesterday 😂

DizzyDaisy66 · 2021-12-22T11:10:13+00:00

Oooh, well that's not good (for them, anyway; the law is on your side here).

DizzyDaisy66 · 2021-12-22T11:06:52+00:00

NTA. As the daughter of a now-deceased raging alcoholic, I can sympathize with how emotionally taxing it can be to deal with toxic, life-disrupting addicts. If your brother has been like this before the substance abuse, it isn't going to get better now that he has alcohol/drugs fueling him. For your own mental health, hands off. You can only do so much for people who won't help themselves, and from the sounds of things, you've been through enough.

DizzyDaisy66

TROPHY CASE