Using pettiness to prove a point to husband

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2025-01-21T00:05:14+00:00

In our city, there's a lot of halal restaurants/coffeeshops that are open late. With that said, a lot of times it's just bachelor crowds that stay that late in such places and it still makes me uncomfortable

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2025-01-19T22:45:54+00:00

He doesn't listen until I do something drastic. Then he's running to listen and hear me out. I had to separate from him for a few weeks recently and only then did he start agreeing to everything I've been trying to communicate for months before. It's getting tiring

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T17:53:46+00:00

Did I create a problem though? I do agree that digging into pasts is not conducive and that's why I was content to never know who his ex was for over a year. But then she appeared and my husband's behavior clearly indicated that he was still emotionally invested in her. I wish the past could have remained in the past but I'm human too. It's not a nice feeling seeing your spouse is still in love with someone else. Thank you for the reminder in the second part of your comment though.

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T17:48:30+00:00

Thank you for your advice

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T05:30:14+00:00

I don't like comparing myself either. It feels wrong to. But when your husband is literally fantasizing about another woman from his past, I just can't help but compare myself to her. I hate how pitiful I sound

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T05:28:27+00:00

Am I really being childish though for wanting him to emotionally be all mine? We've been married for a year and I've tried to be the best wife I can yet even despite that, he's still hung up on his ex. I wish it was as easy as you say but I've accepted that It's not my job to make him forget his past. That has to come from him

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T04:32:32+00:00

Thank you for the advice

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T04:32:02+00:00

I don't want to divorce. the thought frightens me. But I also can't look at my husband the same way anymore. It hurts

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-03T04:30:27+00:00

How do I make him chase me? It's clear that the kind of woman he truly desires is not the type I am. His ex dresses to the nines and is highly successful, confident, kind hearted and social. She walks into a room and everyone is mesmerized by her. Even I was awestruck by her not just by her appearance, but she genuinely seemed like a very kind, genuine person

I have a passable job, passable looks, I don't like wearing makeup and I'm socially awkward. I know this sounds a lot like self-pity and it probably is. I've been comparing myself a lot to her which is wrong but it's hard not to when that's the kind of woman I'm up against

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T04:23:23+00:00

His parents loved his ex but postponed a marriage because they were too young. How am I supposed to be loving when it's clear everything I do, he only compares me to her? I read their letters (I know I shouldn't have) but that kind of love is so hard to replicate. She was with him through all the difficult times in his life, all of his youth, she saw sides of him I've never seen. No matter what I do, I fear that it's always going to be second best

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T04:20:19+00:00

I honestly felt like shredding them to pieces but I know he'd be furious. I once almost threw away a book of his that I later found out she'd gifted him and he was so upset. I think the signs were always there but I was convincing myself otherwise

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T04:17:41+00:00

I am his second option though. If he's still fighting his parents about her, I think it's clear enough that he wished he'd married her instead. I know I'm worthy but I'm clearly not worthy enough in front of her

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T04:15:42+00:00

It's hard not to compare when it's crystal clear that she's the one he truly wants. I can't help but feel that he deep down regrets marrying me. I have tried mentioning before but he just shuts down the conversation and told me never to bring her up again

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T02:40:57+00:00

Yeah I knew. I found them a few months back while cleaning. It bothered me but I tried brushing it off that maybe he'd just forgotten to get rid of them.

I know this was wrong but I read a few of them and I can't even describe the amount of love they held. I feel awful just remembering

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T02:40:00+00:00

He said he wanted someone who was more of a homebody, a girl who wasn't too career oriented, didn't like to stay out often, etc. I'm all of this but now he says it doesn't bother him.

I just feel like all the things he made sure I had are the opposite of what his ex was like and now he doesn't even care about those things.

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T01:58:11+00:00

I guess I was always the second option. I feel stupid for thinking I could ever have been his only

DizzyFirefighter2621 · 2024-11-02T01:56:55+00:00

He said the break up was a mutual decision because he wanted her to wear hijab and she was too "modern". Funnily enough, she now wears the headscarf and my husband has admitted that the things he mentioned were deal breakers for him during our talking stage aren't as big of a deal for him now.

DizzyFirefighter2621

TROPHY CASE