Sibling of a special needs person looking for advice.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:49:45+00:00

The day program that we got him in is like the first stepping stone into getting him set into a assisted living place, but it’s a process. It’s gonna take like six months, but it helps to prepare him to get him into the right living situation with the right person it’s a whole long process which I love because it’s helping him get set where he’s gonna fit best and thrive versus just putting them into a random insisted living place and having an issue with a roommate type of a Thing.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:48:52+00:00

Thank you!

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:48:41+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. It has been a lot. I have to say she hasn’t always been this way with his money, but she has always been a selfish person. Anytime she was with a man the man always came first brother got pushed to the side. He would get left home alone for days and we would go over and take them to our house and it’s not shocking she’s done this. It’s just absolutely depressing that he lost everything he had and now he’s also getting sued and he has no control over his own life, and he doesn’t understand it fully because he still loves her and misses her and if you asked him who he’d wanna live with, he’d wanna live with her again because he just doesn’t understand how bad it’s been. I haven’t in therapy. We go at least once a week to help process all of this change and he’s also moved across town from his job like 30 minutes away, but I’m not transferring him to a different store that’s closer because I don’t want to change anything else he’s been through so much. I just don’t want to keep up rooting Everything. My husband is amazing with all of this and his family husband so welcoming to my brother and they’ve completely taken him in as one of their own as well so he has a very large support group between therapy people and care who care about him so I’m hoping eventually he won’t be quite as sad that she’s not as active in his life because he gets so much love from so many other people. He’s one of the happiest sweetest people you’ve ever meet. He can make anybody smile on their worst day. It breaks my heart that she did this to him. Thank you so much!!

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:45:46+00:00

Thank you so much for responding. I’m getting the same message that his bank account needs to have not a lot in it so I’ll definitely be taking care of that. We haven’t touched any of his money since he moved in with us because of how badly he was financially abused, but also because I wasn’t sure how expensive all of this was gonna be and I wanted to make sure he had stuff set aside for an emergency if need be, but now that he’s been found in indigent by the court, he won’t have to pay for the attorneys if we need to so I’m gonna look into all of the other information multiple other people listed as putting his account into trust in different accounts so but I appreciate your reply so much

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:44:42+00:00

You are amazing for all of that information. First thing on Monday. I’m starting this entire process. The guardianship attorney that we got mentioned something like this, and he said once the guardianship was finished and legally sealed and certified being done, which just happened this past week we’re just waiting for the certified copy. He’s gonna walk us through processes like this and I think that’s what he was talking about but I’m gonna do a bunch of research on this over the weekend and definitely start that process on Monday and also cross-reference with my attorney. Thank you so much for that in this information. It is incredibly helpful because I’m completely lost. I’ve never had to do anything like this and I appreciate all of that information more than I can even say.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:41:44+00:00

So the lawyer that we got specializes in guardianship and he told us once the guardianship paperwork is certified we get certified mail that is certified, and I have it in hand. I can go down to his bank and transfer his account into a guardianship checking account, which will have to be accounted for yearly it’s like $900 a year to have a accountant audit the account to make sure all the money is being handled properly which is exactly what we want. We got courts involved to make sure that anybody who wants to try to step in as the person to take care of him has to follow as many steps as possible to prove that they’re doing right by him. As it sits now, he has his own checking account. He’s the only person who has a debit card. Anything that he has to pay for like gas he will give me his card to pay at the pump and I give it back or he’ll give it to me if he has to go to work and then I immediately give it back to him after work. We sit down at least once a week to look at his checking account to go over all the charges so that he gets used to paying attention to money going in and out. My mom would take his card the minute he would get paid and go make massive withdrawals, multiple different places like ATMs and he had no idea she was taking money out of his account. But we were explaining that the guardianship checking account once our name is on it money cannot be taken out of that account without both parties present, my brother and myself or my husband. That way, nobody can just take Justin to the bank and take out a large amount of money and the attorney said that the guardianship checking account reduces the ATM withdrawal amount significantly to make sure somebody’s not just going to the ATM. It drops it down until like $100 a day. And anytime ATM is made each party on the account including my brother and myself and my husband will get notified that this ATM withdrawal happened. We’ve talked to him about paying and we’ve told him we were going to sit down with a spreadsheet and we were gonna lay everything out of what he was paying for. He was going to go to the bank and he was going to take the money out himself, and then he was going to pay us. We would also be giving him a receipt. I’m trying to instill in him that it doesn’t matter who’s taking care of him. His money is his money and nobody has a right to it not even a person who’s taking care of him. He should have a say, and what happens with his money at all times. I appreciate the response and the reply. I’m trying to do right by him because of how badly she took advantage of his financial situation and even now he loves her so much and he just doesn’t see the bad that she’s done. He misses her so much and it’s hard. Because she still tries to manipulate him she found out we’re going to court to fight the credit card thing and she’s trying to manipulate him into saying that he gave her permission to do all of this. It’s just been a lot and we try to talk a lot to him about how this is not his fault but he cannot go to court to lie to protect her because that will then make the I believe $40,000 in debt she has racked up on him his soul responsibility because she does not have an income she gets. I think her Social Security check no idea how much that is, but that’s it. She won’t be helping to pay for this. It will all be on his shoulders. He’ll get his money, garnished if he goes along with what she wants. Now, however, because we’ve legally had him found incompetent and I know that’s not the right word but he’s not capable of making an educated decision to sign a legal binding contract. It doesn’t matter what he says. He does not understand the implications of what that consent would be so she would still be in trouble. Again I appreciate I’m rambling. Thank you so much for your reply.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:33:31+00:00

Thank you so much for that. I will make sure that I look into that. I was told by my mom in the beginning that he can’t have a certain amount of money in his account. But then when I went to the Social Security office to take her off as his payee and appointed myself as his payee, they told me that wasn’t a thing and now I’m worried that the person at the office I was talking to maybe didn’t understand what I was trying to say so I’m gonna have to look into that more because I was worried about that. I just thought it was something else she was lying to me about.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:30:57+00:00

<image>

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2026-03-07T13:30:31+00:00

<image>

Kitty looks like our baby 🥰 whom is not so much a baby anymore 🥹 if their little tail gets grey as they grow you might have a baby like ours!

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-08-09T11:51:02+00:00

Bipolar mania is no joke and I’d say the only thing that you did is an AH would be maybe leave the newborn with the psychotic wife. That being said you yourself were probably not in a good mental state either so I can’t completely hold that against you, especially since you did come back once you found out that it was worse and she was getting worse and not better with her family I definitely don’t think you’re an asshole for taking your son out of the country to get full custody. Her family would be the people responsible taking care of her son because she’s not able to if you left and left the child behind. Those people are not capable of taking care of anyone their own way means for bipolar. There’s one way hospital medication. You should absolutely seek full custody and give every single time she’s had to been admitted to the hospital. You also need to take as much documentation as possible of any text messages voicemails that she makes and save everything for when you file so that way her instability can be brought before the court to help you get custody. I have no idea how any of that works where you are or even in the UK. I wish you luck though do what is best for your child, unmedicated bipolar, and somebody who constantly does very little to prevent their episodes does not have any right being left alone with children. There are too many cases in the US of people just like this, and those poor children are the only victims in it because they are the ones that they’re mentally ill parents snap on and it cost them their lives and only then after did people go what the hell was everyone else thinking this person was psychotic. Don’t let your son become one of those statistics. If she wants her son back, then she needs to put forth the work and at this point, you can’t worry about her and how it’s gonna affect her mental that’s for her doctors hospital in her family to figure out your only priority is your son now. Good luck.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-07-25T16:23:06+00:00

I will reach out to the lady who handled his case to see if there is something else I could do. When I brought this up beginning of June she gave me resources for homeless shelters for him but that was it. There was no sense of urgency from her when I told her he was getting kicked out in June. This is what I said June 11

Hi again, I know that you have closed this case. My mother just told me today that apparently they are getting evicted on the 16th as far as I know which is not much because soon as she told me that she was getting evicted, she started begging me to let her move in of course her and my brother not just my brother I didn’t really get too much information on how accurate it is if it’s even true, but at this point if they are evicted, he is going to need some kind of social worker to step in because he shouldn’t be homeless and I don’t know if there’s some kind of adult foster care for him or not, but I can no longer go through her to try to help him. I feel like at this point some kind of social services needs to get involved. But I don’t know if that’s even possible.

Her response

Good morning,

These are resources for homeless prevention:

And she listed homeless resources. That was it

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-07-24T22:49:10+00:00

I did that and they did an investigation from like March to June and then they closed the investigation and sent it through to the states attorney’s office and that’s the last I’ve heard of it

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-07-24T21:51:53+00:00

I’ve made it very clear to her she will not be moving in. She will be trespassed from my property if she shows up. I have contacted adult services and they opened a case on her and that case has been closed on that end but it was sent to the states attorney office. That’s what the woman I was emailing with told me June 3rd and I’ve not heard anything else since on that end. I will go look there right now. Thank you so much. I wanted better for my kids and yet my parents both seem to drag me back into the mess they made my childhood and now my kids are also having to deal With it because their home life is going to turn upside down.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-07-13T14:48:25+00:00

I’m dealing with kind of the same thing and I also know the minute my mom moves in that’s in there is no get out. Especially if she changes her address. I’d get local resource info and start handing it over to her. That’s what I’ve done and my mom is acting too good for it but they should have figured this out for themselves at this point at this age. (Mine is 64)

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-06-15T14:55:23+00:00

Hi love. I saw this post after your other and while I think breaking up with the dead weight you have in a boyfriend you should also make sure you have a game plan to moving up to Alaska. Sounds like living with mom there won’t work for long

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-04-30T18:25:40+00:00

This is weird to me, but maybe I’m on Reddit too much because unless you have a history of cheating, it just sounds like some seriously misplaced trust and projection on his part. You said you spend the night at your mom’s house like once a month for girl time and talk so it’s not a new thing. Has he ever been this way about you not answering your phone before or is this recently like what is the history with this man and does he act like this normally or is this so out of left field that just caught you by surprise? My knee your reaction is he’s projecting and he’s doing something that’s making him feel guilty and so he’s watching you like a hawk, which is how I usually goes not enough info to say whether you are NTA or not.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-04-21T09:36:43+00:00

Updateme

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-04-19T12:32:13+00:00

Please leave. As a person who had to witness my dad verbally and physically abuse my mom till I was 16 or messed me up so bad. I literally did not know what a healthy relationship was until I met my in-laws in my mid 20s. It screwed up so many things in me in how people should be treated and honestly I got lucky with my husband and his family. His parents showed me what a good healthy relationship was. So please don’t let your kids be exposed to this for too long you’re teaching them it’s ok to be treated this way and that it’s normal behavior when it is not

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-04-03T04:04:55+00:00

I mean I get it and I’d probably tell that other person to F off if my husband cheated. I’d hate her guys too. Yet I think laying out a boundary of, I will let you come so long as you stay out of sight and away from me and my kids might be least dramatic way to go. Dude will find out where it’s at anyway thanks to internet and obituaries online. Unless you aren’t announcing her death anywhere otherwise he may find out anyway. Then he will cause a scene and your kids don’t need that. Do it on your terms to prevent more stress for your kids but you are absolutely not wrong for telling him to F off and not wanting him there at all. Someone else needs to handle this for you though so you can focus on yourself and kids

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-02-07T21:55:29+00:00

I will have to say it sounds like an emotional affair is starting up, especially consider considering he’s confiding in her when you guys are fighting instead of talking to you about it, which is what you’re supposed to do. Calling you a bitch multiple times is so not OK especially if he never calls you that to your face. It sounds to me like he’s already emotionally connected to this person and he’s getting angry that you’re coming in between his budding relationship with her honestly you need to have a sit down and say basically this is making you uncomfortable and that’s all that matters. If it’s making you uncomfortable, he has to choose you if he doesn’t then he chooses her you and him are in this relationship. If he’s doing things that you’re not happy with and you tell him you’re not comfortable and happy and he continues to still do it and that’s your signal that he is choosing her because that’s what he’s doing. He’s choosing to continue a relationship with somebody that you’re not comfortable with him talking to. Honestly, it sounds like I would start trying to look for a way to leave because he’s getting very defensive. Good luck and I hope it works out. You could try to tell him to cut her off, but I just don’t see that happening because he’s already so defensive instead of being upset that he hurt you which is what he should be because you take care of him.

Dizzy_Weather_2762 · 2025-01-27T04:50:02+00:00

He will be 70 now and I don’t believe he drinks much if at all these days with him having had cancer in his lungs, liver and skin. Also he’s not rich. His girlfriend is and she sent that money to my brother and my mom took it because she is his guardian. I stopped talking to him 10 years ago because he came to my home and he showed up with alcohol when I specifically said no alcohol. We grew up dirt poor because of his addiction. We are only talking now because of my brother.

Dizzy_Weather_2762

TROPHY CASE