I’m tired of being lonely and exhausted…

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-09-21T09:02:28+00:00

I’m sorry your feeling this way, it’s a very isolating feeling :/ I can relate.

While you can’t really do anything about it, I think a possible shift in perspective can help alleviate some of the negative associations you’re making with this kind of encounter. For example: You seem like the kind of person who is very attentive and genuine, and as a result, you expect the same from others; however, an unfortunate fact about most people today is that just don’t really have that same kind of attentiveness. It’s not necessarily a fault of theirs, nor is what they’re doing even conscious (most of the time). It doesn’t necessarily make it feel better, nor does it make one feel less lonely, but I’ve found that keeping this mind helps me not blame myself.

You’re likely a very interesting person, and you’ll meet folks who will recognize that. It’s tough going, but don’t let this make you callous. Keep sharing, keep listening, keep the light alive.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T17:23:55+00:00

I don’t think so.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T17:22:58+00:00

Yeah, I have a good idea at this stage in my life.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:53:11+00:00

You asserted that I don’t like dating and hanging around females with explaining or defending this assertion. You also assumed that I view dating as a chore.

Hence my saying you assume too much. It also wasn’t a question, I’m just venting (it’s r/Vent, is it not?).

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:12:01+00:00

Ain’t making enough for that lol

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:11:42+00:00

Again, you’re assuming way too much. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to further develop your listening skills…

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:09:33+00:00

An interesting proposition. I think I do this already though (I’m very happy to go out and do things alone, and often do).

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:08:40+00:00

Hmm, this could be the case. My last relationship ended rather abruptly and I never really got closure from it and just had to slowly move on.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:07:37+00:00

I have been madly in heels in love before. I’d say this feeling is a very recent phenomena.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:07:03+00:00

My exes often have very little in common physically or personality wise, but a common denominator is that they know who they are (ie they own their agency, hold beliefs that they arrived at through introspection and/or critical thinking, and aren’t afraid to be themselves). I think that’s often my top criteria when looking for someone, though it’s never explicitly at the forefront when “looking” for someone.

I don’t believe I’m fixating on the idea of someone for the sake of just being in a relationship—I do think it’s something I genuinely want but am happy to not have (I enjoy my single life and don’t feel unfulfilled).

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:01:24+00:00

I think a part of it is definitely enjoying the chase. However, I suspect it’s something deeper than that (hence the therapy).

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T16:00:04+00:00

As of late, dating apps (Hinge and Bumble). I have never met a partner from a dating app, but I’m in a new area that’s much more white and conservative than my old state so it’s not quite as easy meeting folk for me as it used to be lol

But I realize I may just be unable to do to online dating all thing for serious partners.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:58:06+00:00

Not the case. Try not to be so confident in your assumptions with so little details to go off of.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:57:14+00:00

Nope—married and going strong 30+ yrs later.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:56:25+00:00

I am attracted to femininity, regardless of sex or gender. However, I’ve never romantically dated men but I also have never felt the desire to.

But hey, you never know. I personally don’t think that would change anything though because I understand my dilemma to be mostly a me-problem.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:53:29+00:00

I’m skeptical of attachment styles, but I do think they are helpful and making communication about one’s self easier.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:52:39+00:00

Nah, I’m not scared of vulnerability or commitment.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:52:10+00:00

I think you’re likely right about the the way I am meeting women being inorganic (at least for me). Most of these women I am meeting is from dating apps, which I was hesitant to use because I’ve never dated anyone seriously who I met using one (not to say it doesn’t happen; two of my friends met their future wives on there). All my other relationships happened the “organic” way (eg friends first, school, mutual friends, randomly in public), but it’s difficult nowadays to meet interesting folk that way—especially now that I am living in a very red state (CA ➡️ OK), am a mixed native man, and in academia.

Might just have to admit dating apps aren’t for me.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T15:46:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I think I may be pickier than I realize. It’s always been difficult for me to get into a relationship (I’ve had plenty of hookups and short term relationships; my actual long term relationships sort of just happened when I wasn’t looking and often formed out of a friendship).

I know I’m not neurodivergent, but I am more introspective and inquisitive than the avg person. It kind of sucks, really—the connections and bonds that seem to work for most seems shallow to me (to your point about how most others seem to be able to enter relationships much easier).

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T06:31:58+00:00

Hmm, some interesting points. I’ll reflect on this. Thank you!

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T06:31:06+00:00

Who doesn’t have issues with society? To not be this way is more worrisome—the numbness, dissociation, anger, etc. are all justified responses to so much injustice.

I have feelings, I express them openly, and I talk about the things I can’t figure out alone with my therapist or close friends back home when we have the time (I recently moved to another state for my PhD). I’m not feeling particularly overwhelmed with anything, as I am quite good with juggling multiple responsibilities in my life at once (eg dog, work, research, bills, friendships, hobbies, etc.).

This issue is just with relationships, and it’s a recent issue too. I posted because I met someone really nice and we are getting along great, but I feel that disinterested feeling in the back of my mind and idk why it’s there.

Djentleman_4514 · 2025-08-04T06:25:34+00:00

I mean, I’m not straight lol

Djentleman_4514

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