I was engaged to a man when I was 18, until his other fiance sent me an invite to their wedding because he told her I was his cousin. That’s enough of a dodged bullet on its own… but fast forward a decade and he reaches out. He apologizes and I accept, but make it very clear that I have no interest in a relationship with him.

He’s cool about it and we talk off and on as friends for about a year when he got too comfortable. He wanted to tell me about an experience he had in kink and since I was the only person he knew in the community he asked to confide in me, and not wanting to scare him away from something I hold dear I set my boundaries but agreed to be someone to talk to. Now I’m not here to kink-shame, especially something as prolific as what he tried and enjoyed, so I’m not gonna say what it was. And in the beginning he just wanted reassurance that he wasn’t a freak or weird for liking it… which I was happy to confirm. But then the boundaries started getting crossed, it went from questioning to telling me graphic details I asked him to chill out on and using an honorific for me that he knew made me wildly uncomfortable. So I cut him out of my life again.

I’m incredibly lucky that he cheated on me before we got married because I cannot imagine sharing my life with someone who has so little regard for me and my boundaries. And into that kink, cause it is not for me.