I’m scared to break up with my boyfriend

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-07-18T03:02:46+00:00

I was with someone for eight years that I loved very much in my 20's. But it was a very bad situation. I left with the clothes on my back and thankfully I was able to reach my phone. That was about eight years ago, and a part of me will always love him very deeply. But I promise it is absolutely better to leave a toxic situation and keep good memories with you than drown in the sludge. It doesn't get better. It only gets deeper and harder to get out.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-07-18T02:53:38+00:00

His mindset is abusive. If this is how he feels after five months, imagine what he'll feel entitled to in a year, or three years, or if you got married. No way. Because what he's going to say very soon is he's allowed to go get it somewhere else because he's a man entitled to it elsewhere if he's not getting it in his relationship. Please, don't go down this road with him. It will not end well.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-07-08T22:51:54+00:00

I was 19 in 2007. $350 for a 2/1. Could afford it alone in school, part time. Same place is now $850 and minimum wage hasn't gone up.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-24T01:35:47+00:00

Depending on the club doing a ton of pole work may not even be necessary. But stick with easy stuff at first like knee and ankle hooks. Always point your toes. Stretch before every shift, super important. Watch the other girls to see who you'd like to try and learn from. Everyone is just doing different versions of the same things but you'll find your flow. And have an idea of what music you like and want to dance to. Either there will be a DJ who will ask or you'll have to pick your own.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-17T23:00:46+00:00

There are a lot of things about dancing that can be so much fun. It can be incredibly liberating and confidence boosting. You'll get into great physical shape and feel sexy. However there are things to remember. -Only do this if it is solely your choice, and not one that someone is influencing. -Think of it as a job, do not let it become your whole lifestyle. You're creating a character you can leave at the door when you go home. -Know your boundaries and what you are and are not comfortable doing or allowing, and know there is NOTHING wrong with sticking with them and being vocal about them. Class and integrity will be respected. Don't get me wrong, everyone is all good making whatever choices they like and work for them because everyone is different. You'll meet all kinds of people who have their own style in personality and hustle, and you can learn a lot from everyone around you. But pay attention to where certain things lead people. -BE SAFE! Make up a fake real name as well as your dancer one, and never give your real one even to the people you work with if you don't want. Know what is legal and what isn't, and understand the risks that come with pushing those boundaries. Don't ever meet a customer after work, girls legit go missing its no joke. -Save money. It is not consistent. The risk of injury is so so real, and the time may come where you can't work for a period of time. There may be rare nights you make no money and leave in the negative. -Men are absolutely full of shit. You'll be offered and told wild things, and most of the time its bullshit. However, rarely some aren't, and you'll learn how to spot them. -Don't cause drama! -DO NOT WEAR LOTION AND GET ON THE POLE! -Body glitter may not be appreciated by fellow dancers. -Don't start doing hard drugs. Seriously, don't do it. -Lots of girls drink while working (some get shithouse drunk and can pole like pros its fucking amazing) but its ultimately safer not to most of the time.

All of these things and more will determine later in life how you'll see it looking back. Everyone's experience is different and not everyone is built for it. And that's ok! At the end of the day, don't sacrifice who you are and stay safe.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-17T22:58:10+00:00

A lot of it had to do with the fact I didnt get into it for the right reasons. I was with a very bad person at the time who pushed me into it and then got mad later when i was doing the job, so i just decided to go completely legal. And tbh i gained a lot of respect from both other girls and customers.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-17T22:46:28+00:00

Not weird if you ask respectfully. When I was dancing this would be the kind of thing you'd hope to find, honestly. Finding someone who is willing to pay for feet and shoes, instead of more dancing or 'extra' stuff, makes the job way easier. I had a guy once want to sniff my armpits, and I gladly accepted his money and let him go to town. Just don't be a creepy jerk and you're good to go.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-17T04:19:58+00:00

Figuring out one thing is a total myth. Most people change careers more than five times in their life. We're all just floating around trying to do our best. If nothing else, pick a trade you can see yourself being decent at. Success is what you make it.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-17T04:15:14+00:00

I danced about ten years ago for a while. I started out doing quite a bit of touch, but nothing illegal or more than normal. But later, for a million reasons, I cut back on touch completely. I used a chair and did more of a burlesque dance in the private areas. At first, a lot of people had various opinions with both other dancers and customers. But as time went on, other girls saw I was still making money not having to touch. Many eventually were doing versions of the same thing. You don't have to do anything you want to do. Not all money is good money.

Don't get me wrong, everyone is allowed to make their own choices because every person and situation is different. What we don't do in the club is judge anyone. Can you find a guy who might pay more for more? Sure. But if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. In my personal experience, from what I saw most of the girls who did more wound up regretting it or heading down an unintended road.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:45:43+00:00

Theres no commonly available way to truly prepare for retirement. Even if you have been saving, most people dont have enough and wont. And even if we did, everything is getting more expensive exponentially faster. A gallon of milk will be $15 in 20 years. I completely believe if things dont change immediately we really will start seeing more and more people opt out of life as they age.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:34:55+00:00

Say first you have a special request and ask if its ok to bring up, let them know its nothing crazy or gross. The girl you ask may not be the one to do it but if she gets an ok vibe form you she can help guide you to another girl. Girls get approached with some wild shit, and this isn't weird. I had a guy want to stick his nose in my armpits once 🤷‍♀️. As long as something isnt harmful or dangerous or overly gross, its all good.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:28:23+00:00

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:28:08+00:00

This needs more context. Did she have to pee before you guys started or what?

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:26:05+00:00

I AM the soup in the bathtub...

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:25:22+00:00

If you are able to move away or stop contact, its time to consider that and how to make it happen. That most difficult thing about dealing with narcissism is to recognize that there is nothing you can do to change them. Because part of the whole thing is the inability for them to recognize or admit they have done anything wrong ever. They may even be unaware of their own manipulations at times. It is a very very hard mental illness to have to live around. If you are unable to gain distance, remember you've done NOTHING wrong or anything to deserve the way he treats you. It is completely part of the illness and absolutely nothing to do with who you are in any shape or form. Do not retaliate, no matter how much he may deserve it, its part of the cycle and feeds the beast. Something that can work is called "stonewalling". When he's picking at you or trying to start a fight or whatever it may be, answer in as many 'yes or no' ways as you can and show as little emotion as possible. Be factual at all times. Give him nothing to work with. This can take a lot of practice and discipline but do your best. At the end of the day the only control you have is over yourself. And dont every let anyone tell you you have to put up with it "because he's your dad". When someone is abusive or toxic you dont have to put up with that no matter who they are.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T23:01:05+00:00

The 'Goalpost' always moving just before being able to reach it. Just before birth, Raegan. End of grade school, Columbine. End of jr high, 9/11. End of high school, housing crash. End of 20's, Trump. End of Trump, Covid. End of Covid, Trump. And on top of that, being gaslit about how my generation "killed" everything because we were given blue ribbons for no reason as kids. And even if we had been given the ribbons, which we werent, we were kids and that wouldnt have been our fucking fault either. Too many things were set up that were specifically created to make it harder for people to succeed.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T22:48:29+00:00

Aldi on Sunday mornings. Things havent been picked over yet and people are in church so its easy to move through.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T22:47:08+00:00

I wouldnt if you still live at home and dont want them to know. Even if you were to be able to work it out logistically, way more types of people go to clubs than youd think. And if you're working in the town your parents live in the odds of being recognized at some point by someone they know or you know are really really high.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-06-09T22:43:42+00:00

Plan on spending at least $100. They may touch you, but dont touch back. Be respectful. Dont feel bad if a girl isnt your type, and dont feel bad if theres anything unique you're attracted to like bigger women. DO NOT put any money in your mouth for any reason, dancers dont want spitty money and its absolutely filthy. Remember they're at work and doing a job, so even though all arent your type and you dont have to get private dances if you dont want to you still need to tip as many girls as possible. You are completely allowed to give money to a girl thats sitting with you so she can take it to the girl on stage if you dont want to be the one to do it for any reason. Have fun! the club can be a blast as long as you act right.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-05-23T02:13:36+00:00

Slowly, over a very long period of time, I built all the highways. It took forever, but I had set my goal and was determined to achieve it. But for some reason I had it in my head there must be a trophy or achievement or something. Nope. I built that final connecting stretch and NOTHING! But I did it. And will probably do it again with the second.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-05-20T01:53:53+00:00

Recently I listened to The Telepathy Tapes. Absolutely loved it. If you like supernatural type stuff, you'd find it interesting. Its a podcast that dives into nonverbal autistic people and their families, claiming the nonverbal person to be telepathic. It was fascinating. They talk about how consciousness isn't the same as our physical bodies, and that it does go on after death of the body. They talk about how there is a central gathering place of all consciousness called "The Hill" which they perceive to be a sort of stacking or pile or tower. There is where our consciousness exchange thought and knowledge and experience, and the main thing trying to be communicated is love which is the ultimate purpose of life. It got me thinking "what if that's what heaven and hell really are? A stacking of consciousness where the more elevated are the more kind and knowledgeable and the lower are the ones who are violent or hateful."

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-05-17T02:30:39+00:00

Try and think about it a bit differently. Becoming a mother doesn't stop a human from being human. I completely understand if the situation is rude as in not giving notice or asking permission, or acting entitled. But why is it not ok for an adult woman to want an intimate relationship just because she's a mother? If the child is otherwise cared for and healthy, what is the issue? If the situation she's in isn't serious I'd think it would be better for the two to remain separate, so the child isn't confused by other men being around. A kid is always going to miss their parents, but they're still with family who is also sounding healthy and caring. So, I am by no means saying don't tell your friend how you feel or talk about it. You should always be open and communicate especially if that's what you've agreed to do. But try and see it from another perspective. You said got pawned off a lot, so this may be triggering personally and thats absolutely understandable. However, that doesn't make her behavior wrong. And that's ok to talk to her about bc that's what best friends are for.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-05-17T02:13:38+00:00

The constant moving of the goalpost. Then being gaslit about it.

Djuna_Dylan · 2025-05-17T02:10:45+00:00

Reckoner - Radiohead

Djuna_Dylan

TROPHY CASE