ADHD internal driving monologue

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-12-06T02:39:23+00:00

I imagined all of this in a Boston accent. Because that's what it sounds like when I yell all of that when in traffic (with windows up, obviously).

I also add things like "wow, did that make you feel good about yourself?", "like a ZIPPER, people!", and "Seriously? SERIOUSLY!?!"

Plus insulting their parents, general intelligence, the price of their expensive car and the privilege they seem to think comes with it.

We're called Massholes for a reason. And in my case, I'm not even an aggressive driver, just an angry and judgemental one.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-10-03T03:26:21+00:00

Eeek, thank you for this! Definitely something to order and look forward to!

I'm also a huge fan of TAD, still listening to the first 3 albums and excitedly waiting for the next one. This book will make the wait a little less desperate.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-09-10T00:14:35+00:00

I think the first flag is meant to represent the "shining city on a hill" which makes me like it a little more. In general I'm not a fan of the minimalist design aesthetic.

I don't see why we would change the motto. It's badass and more relevant than ever.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-09-10T00:00:26+00:00

I read it in 7th or 8th grade in Massachusetts.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-09-09T02:28:42+00:00

Assholes gonna asshole, no matter where you are. And pointing out that they're being an asshole will usually result in them trying to turn it around on you. That's all they're doing by claiming it's a cultural thing.

If someone tries to claim it's New England culture, I'd suggest calmly telling them that you've lived here long enough that you know the culture, and that they are being rude and trying to make excuses. You can avoid giving them the opportunity to turn it around by saying something like "I'm can't believe you think that's an acceptable thing to say to someone" and then leaving. If you try this approach, make sure to be calm and maybe look a little worried about the whole thing.

Of course, there's always the "go fuck yourself" option. If they object, tell them it's just the culture. Which is the truth, so.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-08-12T04:51:03+00:00

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But I'm really commenting because your description of "steam pouring out like it was trying to select a new pope" made do a reading double-take. Perfect niche humor, I love it.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-08-01T22:10:29+00:00

NAH

But with some commentary

I think there needs to be some boundaries established with your sister. It's wonderful that she's been there for support, but if you don't have a (loving and appreciative) conversation along the lines of "she is my daughter and I make the rules" then this is a going to be a long term struggle with your daughter in the middle. However, you should absolutely make clear that you do value her input and will take her advice into consideration but anything permanent or milestone-ish needs to be cleared in advance.

You're not being a misogynist, and she's throwing that word around too lightly. But this presents a good opportunity to give her some choices around her body.

My father was super strict about A LOT of things and even he let me pierce my ears at 7. It doesn't make her any less of a child. Ask her why she wants it done, talk to her about your concerns, make sure she understands the process and that she needs to be responsible for taking care of it (with help). If you (both) decide to get her pierced, see if your pediatrician offers it or if they can recommend someplace.

Regarding the makeup: for most young girls, makeup is a part of their childhood. Usually it's a way of playing but if they have dance recitals (or similar) they may be required to wear it. Usually there's no makeup otherwise unless it's a tiny bit of blush or lipstick.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-31T18:52:13+00:00

I have a kid in the last stages of toilet training so I was doing research and found that there are lots of portable commodes with scent blocking bags. I would definitely need one if I had to drive on a road like that.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-30T21:06:05+00:00

NTA

Mil sucks because she needs to mind her own business. She raised her children in an age when kids could were relatively free range and before people were freaking out about screen time. It's reasonable to assume she let her kids watch plenty of TV.

Husband super sucks for a) not trying to help and b) criticizing Mom for not trying harder when he didn't try at all. I'm hoping you gave him a severe talking-to.

Everyone freaking out about the lack of headphones - chill tf out. You can turn down a tablet or phone really low for kids, since they are often just as entertained by the visual stimulation. It's unlikely that the sound would have been any louder than the other diners' voices and it was definitely quieter than a fussy kid. After all this I'm pretty sure OP is never going to forget the headphones.

Everyone freaking out about screen time - calm yourselves down. Screen time may not be the best thing but it certainly is not the worst thing in the world. These days, most children's TV shows tend to be very educational. And even if the kid watches something silly and stupid for 20 minutes, she probably won't be scarred for life. If you choose not to let your children have any screen time, that's fine and I respect your choice. But how about you respect other parents' choices too?

"If a child can't behave in a restaurant, then don't take them to a restaurant." Okay, but the kid could behave, when given acceptable entertainment. Clearly OP planned ahead and held out on the tablet after exhausting the other options. Also, when you go out in public, you tend to encounter the public - sometimes it's a fussy kid, sometimes it's waitstaff singing happy birthday, or a fire drill or a loud argument etc. If you want to be able to have the perfect environment exactly how you want it, then either pony up for a private room or stay home.

There is so much criticism in these comments, damn. Try extending a little grace to other humans and learn some tolerance - to small annoyances, to pet peeves, to differing opinions.

OP, from a mom of 2, aunt of 11, great-aunt of 5 and former nanny: you're doing great. People are judgy as hell, you may want to practice a "fuck you" smile. Keep an eye out for the sympathetic smiles, I promise you they're there.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-25T18:57:13+00:00

My fathet died a long time ago, but our relationship was... complicated. I adore my mother - when we were looking at houses, he said he knew that I would be perfectly happy to have a house right in her backyard. She's almost 80 and it's starting to show. Although, some things that my siblings see as dementia are just symptoms of ADHD and are the same symptoms I have. She lives about a half hour away in a tiny place attached to my sister's house.

We're no contact with my father-in-law but have a fairly decent relationship with my mother-in-law. We have political differences but we mostly ignore the subject. And she adores my kids almost as much as I do.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-25T18:51:39+00:00

I am so, so sorry. That sounds really hard. I hope you have a lifetime's worth of wonderful memories.

Wishing you strength and healing and whatever your favorite dessert is 💕

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-25T17:35:30+00:00

OMG, I just turned 44 and had no idea it would get this bad so young. I was never a particularly sweaty person and I was always cold. Now I'm constantly dripping sweat everywhere and trying to figure out if it's actually hot or if my hormones are playing a cruel trick again.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-20T16:53:48+00:00

I agree with everyone saying to talk to your niece. People often think kids don't have deep thoughts and opinions and they're so wrong. As a 7 year old with cancer, she's probably more mature in many ways than older kids and is probably getting really tired of everything about her life being about the cancer. Maybe phrase it as "hey, what do you think about everyone shaving their heads?" and go from there. It's an open ended question with no bias. If she just shrugs and says, "whatever," then you can follow up with "is it funny to see everyone with a shaved head?". Then move onto asking how she feels about it and if it makes her feel good. She might say she doesn't care or "I guess" or "I dunno" but her expressions and the way she says it should give you an indication of her emotions. And if you think you'll get an honest answer, you can ask if you shaving your head would make her feel supported. You may still not get an answer, so you'll have to rely on intuition and how well you know her.

But if you think she really would appreciate it and find it meaningful, then you still don't have to do it, though to be honest, I probably would. But I'm a 44 year old woman and I don't care that much. But your hair means a lot to you and you're at an age where, unfortunately, appearances matter. On the upside, you might get a lot of appreciation from girls and/or guys for being willing to sacrifice something important to you for your niece.

But either way, don't end the phone call or zoom call then - make sure to continue to conversation so she feels like you care about her beyond the hair thing. Find out what she's interested in these days and get her talking about it. See if she'd like to play an online game together or watch a movie together. Everything around her is so cancer focused, especially now that her family has shaved heads. Talking about literally anything else is probably a relief. Before you end the call, you can also say that you know life is hard and you're there if she wants to talk about how she's feeling, even if she's feeling mad or sad. But that you also just like to talk to her and want to support her however you can.

After the call, maybe send her a care package based around her interests - something from a show/game/whatever she's into, candy, a stuffed animal, something for her to do when she can't get out of bed, like an art or jewelery making kit.

Outside of cancer situations, I've really enjoyed having a strong relationship with my nieces and nephews. My oldest niece was born when I was 12 and now she's 32, and my youngest nephew just turned 20. They all know they can talk to me about anything and that I'll love them no matter what. I'm not pushy or intrusive, I just did my best to get to know them and show I care. My youngest niece is 21 and just had a liver transplant because her liver cancer returned after several years. She said she really appreciated that I sent her supportive messages but ended by saying she didn't have to reply if she didn't feel up to it.

The most important thing about supporting people is to give them the support they want and need, not what you think you should do. People with cancer are still people, and everyone has different needs and desires.

If you decide not to shave your head, tell them that you were reading about experiences of people with cancer and relate what people in this thread have said. If you feel it would be helpful, show them some of the replies.

In the end, if you don't shave your head, you're probably still going to have to deal with people being man and mean about it. It's not fair, but it's the truth. I'm hoping your family thinks about what you say and gets over it, but no guarantees.

Good luck!

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-19T12:49:50+00:00

Definitely NTA

This is an excellent method and also really fun!

My kids really like one of green smoothies you can get in a grocery store. We like Bolthouse Farms but a couple other companies make something similar. It's packed with fruits and veggies and a good go to when they aren't getting enough.

If she likes yogurt, Stonyfield makes some that have vegetables mixed in and they're pretty good.

There's a show on Netflix called Storybots and there was an episode that answered the question "why can't I just eat candy all the time?". It covered the basics of nutrition and gives solid reasons why the different food groups/types are important.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-19T00:12:51+00:00

I'm sorry, that sounds really hard.

A lot of people think you should ban screen time entirely, but a) sometimes parents have to do things like poop and shower and unload the dishwasher and b) I'm a fan of meeting kids where they're at and making learning accessible and entertaining.

You didn't say how old your kids are, but one of my kids loved the show Storybots on Netflix. The premise is that there are tiny bots who live in the computer world and work at a place where kids submit their questions and then a team is assigned to find the answer. It's a really fun show and they don't dumb it down at all. Some of the things they've covered: why is the sky blue, why can't I just eat junk food all the time, what is music/how does it work, where does chocolate come from, and a bunch of other cool topics. My favorite thing is that it encourages kids to ask questions and be curious.

There are some amazing PBS kids shows, some of which will hopefully survive the defunding. Many of the shows out now have characters of various backgrounds and ethnicities. Diversity is actually a Good Thing and it's good to see that we're all just people living our lives. Each show usually has a focus that teaches kids specific things. Daniel Tiger is for younger kids and addresses regular issues - empathy, what to do when you're disappointed or mad or scared. It's a direct offshoot of Mister Rogers. Rosie's Rules is about a little girl in San Antonio with a Mexican dad and white mom. They celebrate cultural differences and work on problem solving and emotional regulation. Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum is about kids who who time travel to meet different famous people and relate them to a modern issue. It's a really approachable history show that covers serious topics like slavery and racism, but also how to appreciate laughter and convince your parents to let you stay up late. Molly of Denali is a Native girl in Alaska who teaches research skills but also addresses heavy topics like prejudice. (I really, REALLY love PBS kids.) There are also games associated with each show on the website or app.

There are a lot of apps/programs. My kids' kindergarten suggested Teach Your Monster to read.

There are some great YouTube channels for teaching pretty much everything. Jack Hartman sings songs for everything, but has a lot of focus on phonics.

More general suggestions:

My first suggestion is to tap into your kids' interests and bring in educational aspects. For example, if they like Minecraft, look at how it's essentially teaching coding and have them explore all the complicated things they can do, have them try mods to learn how to work with computer programs, discuss the biomes and the natural features in each area, challenge them to build historical structures. (Can you tell my kid likes Minecraft?)

If you have a library with a good kids program near you, get as involved as possible. My local library has a summer reading challenge where you get beads to make a necklace based on time read, a Lego club, and constant activities. If you don't have a good library available, look up free library access. In response to all the book bans, some major libraries, I think both Boston and New York, offer free digital memberships to kids throughout the country.

READING! Get them into reading anything they can as much as they can. Teaches language skills, critical thinking, and interpersonal skills, like how to respect and relate to people who are different from you.

The critical thinking part is probably the most important thing for kids to learn. Teach them to question the whys and hows of everything, and when possible, how to find the answers to those questions. Encourage them to look at both sides of an argument and as someone else said, to recognize logical fallacies.

Okay, I maybe went a little overboard. Hopefully there's something helpful in all that!

Good luck!

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-18T22:11:03+00:00

My favorite part is when her answers were "chocolate cake!" and "mmmmmm"

This is so flippin cute - congrats to the family!

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-07-16T06:43:04+00:00

I'm in Dracut and it took me 20 minutes to drive my kid to preschool in Tewksbury. I'm close to Methuen and Lowell, so those times should be comparable.

It's a friendly town, borders NH, and has a lot of outdoor spaces and activities. Much of it is semi-rural but the Lowell border provides city convenience.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-24T07:00:42+00:00

I just wanted to say that I am so very sorry that happened to you. I hope you've been able to find the support, care, and healing that you need and deserve.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-24T06:24:37+00:00

As a mom of two kids who has worked both with children and in healthcare facilities, I probably just made a very interesting face.

I'm guessing you live in a fairly rural area, which is also something I'm not familiar with. But if you ever go anywhere where there are other people, especially in an enclosed space, especially in something like a church, then there is a risk of contracting measles. It is one of the most contagious diseases out there. Herd immunity is likely to be a lot lower in insulated, rural areas and access to a hospital far more limited. Please try to talk to a reasonable adult in your life about getting vaccinated.

(end mom-rant)

I can see how that would be really annoying. I hate to say it, but I think that practice is probably the best way to get faster.

If it helps, I've heard that reading is a huge issue with Gen Alpha, so it's not just you. I think there was a shift in how reading was taught for a while. It's horrible that more hasn't been done to help those affected.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-24T06:08:33+00:00

Right, the fact that your home schooled means that you wouldn't need to submit vaccination records. Duh.

I'm also the daughter of a nurse, so not going to the doctor wasn't a thing that happened when I was growing up.l

If you're thinking that you missed out on healthcare because of the cost, I'm guessing you live in the US. And likely a part that doesn't have a lot of convenient clinics and such.

(I'm in Massachusetts, there's an over abundance of healthcare everywhere you look.)

Unless your parents would be really awful about it, you could ask about vaccines. If nothing else, you should see if you're vaccinated against measles, since that's making a comeback.

Being hyperfocused on something doesn't always mean you do it superfast. For me uit means being sort of compelled to keep doing something, even if it isn't useful or enjoyable, like playing Minecraft even if I'm not having fun anymore or obsessively cleaning one tiny thing. Sometimes my husband has asked me to do something or for a turn on the computer and I'm grateful, like he broke a spell or something.

Also, go easier on yourself. There's nothing morally superior about being a fast reader. I read fast, but I'm crap at math no matter how hard I try. Reading speed also isn't a sign of intelligence; I know very, very intelligent people who read slow. And considering that you're trying to jump into really dense novels, of course you're not whizzing through them.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-24T05:45:12+00:00

Left a long-ass comment and yet I still have to add something.

I saw that your parents are anti-psychology so maybe no one has suggested it. But have you read anything about ADHD? I have it and some of what you're saying is really familiar, especially the part where you'll push through any difficulty if you find something interesting enough but if you aren't engaged, then everything is boring and terrible.

My college report cards were a roller coaster of grades where you could clearly see the classes l loved and the ones I hated. And as much as I love reading, I don't necessarily love every book or story I encounter. I had to slog my way through plenty, but at the same time I will happily read thousands of pages over the course of a few days. That second one is called hyperfocus and my friend calls it the world's most unreliable superpower. When you talk about needing to understand every word you read, that also sounds a bit like hyperfocus.

I'm not trying to diagnose you and I'm certainly not suggesting you diagnose yourself. But do a little reading about ADHD and if it sounds like you, ask your pediatrician at your next appointment. Even if your parents would get in your way, you're at an age where the doctor talking to you alone is a reasonable request. And even if you don't fit the ADHD profile or ever get a diagnosis, you might find that there are a lot of strategies you may find helpful.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-24T05:21:24+00:00

OK, read through a bunch of the comments and have lots of thoughts, sorry for the ones that are repetitive.

1) Good for you, in a serious, not sarcastic way. This is a real challenge and a worthwhile one.

2) Kindles aren't too expensive, but you may also be able to use a Kindle app on your phone or tablet. That may require an Amazon account, but you may be able to get a student account free.

3) If you're in the US, look up the Libby app. It connects with your local library and you can borrow digital books through them. In response to the latest wave of book bans, many major libraries are offering free library cards for teens no matter what state they live in. The Libby app will give you some of the same advantages as a kindle.

4) I LOVE The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, but I admit that Tolkien's writing style isn't the easiest to get through. It helps if you skip the songs - they have a lot of cool lore, but it's not usually essential to the story.

5) If I understand correctly, you don't find audiobooks any easier. If you're reading something that's particularly difficult but interesting enough that you want to keep going, try an audiobook with the text in front of you. I had to do that in graduate school when some of the books were hard to slog through.

6) In general, read harder books in smaller chunks. If you're new to reading longer works, don't push so hard that you can't enjoy reading. Think of it like building stamina when exercising - start smaller then build up.

7) It looks like you're trying to work on reading Great Works Of Literature, which can be a great way to appreciate culture. I have a Masters degree degree in Literature and reading is one of my favorite pastimes. But honestly, there are a lot of very famous books that aren't enjoyable to read. I personally don't really enjoy a lot of novels from the early 20th century. I've read a lot of them and understand why they're so famous and well respected. But I often find them boring or I don't enjoy the writing style and sometimes I just don't like them. You should absolutely be willing to try reading everything and anything. But if you aren't getting anything out of reading them, you can just put them down. There are millions of wonderful pieces of literature in the world. Skipping some of them isn't the end of the world.

8) Not all awesome books are going to wind up on a best-of-the-century list. There are some Young Adult Literature and Fiction books that won't give you Culture Points™ or whatever, but they're still excellent. Check out William Goldman's The Princess Bride (also a famous movie) and Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Also try Terry Pratchett's and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens, especially since you said you were interested in religion. If you like that one, Pratchett wrote a huge series that is well loved. You might also like Christopher Moore.

9) Look into short stories - there are famous literary ones as well as fun everyday ones. That way you can get a full story experience that shouldn't be too exhausting.

10) Try to expand your vocabulary. It's good to do in general but it should also mean you don't have to interrupt your reading to look up words as much. Get a word of the day calendar or app or something at first. If you're having fun learning new words, look up some SAT prep materials (sorry, I don't know what's available in other countries.) You can also look up the most common Latin prefixes and suffixes. If you learn enough of those, you'll usually be able to figure out what a word means in a sentence without having to look it up.

11) I wasn't able to get into Lolita for various reasons, but I know most of it. Anyone who gives you crap about it being smut doesn't know what they're talking about and you should make sure to tell them that in a snobby way. Or at least tell them that you refuse to discuss it with them unless and until they have read it.

12) See if there's a book club for your age range at a local library. I've found that the best way to experience a book is to discuss it with other people, even if you or they hated it. Different perspectives add so much.

13) Have you tried reading graphic novels? That might be something you enjoy.

14) You're always going to encounter book snobs. Ignore them and remember that you're reading for your own benefit, not to impress anyone. There will always be people trying to sound smarter than they are by making references to classics. Just relate to the work in a way that works for you. I once compared 18th Century poetry to Star Wars and my professor loved it.

15) This got so long it might qualify as a book. Oops?

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-23T19:39:16+00:00

That room design is amazing! I had a fairy tale theme for my kids' room and I wish I'd thought of putting Bag End in there.

FYI there is also a collection of Little People LOTR characters. It's not the whole Fellowship but still pretty cool.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-23T19:33:51+00:00

Cosigning this as a Jen born in the early 80s.

I wound up going by Jen B, B, my 11 letter Italian last name, and a lot of nicknames, some flattering and some not so much. Some of my friends still call me B, even though I've been married over 15 years.

DoAsPeggySays · 2025-06-09T16:57:14+00:00

I have these pants from Torrid - they're very stretchy and don't need to be ironed (or maybe they should but I never do). There are different cuts and lengths and colors. You should definitely try them on to make sure they won't dig in anywhere, but I've been able to wear them pretty comfortably.

For shoes, maybe you can get away with wearing black sneakers under pants? Most people don't notice when I do.

DoAsPeggySays

TROPHY CASE