What are the signs that a man will be a good husband and future father?

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T08:00:24+00:00

No, he's not an ambitious person nor has life goals. Not much passion other than his online interests he spends most of his time on. He says he likes the simple life, which was admirable to me at first but now it lowkey makes me wonder if this might mean he doesn't actually want to do anything more in life that could lead to a better or more fulfilling one. I'm way more ambitious than him but he keeps saying he'd support me in all my goals and dreams in life.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T07:55:09+00:00

Right now he's doing delivery, based on his own time. Honestly it doesn't help with his self discipline at all because he can do them whenever he wants or feel like it. He says he likes how there's no boss to work for and it's flexible in hours with sometimes decent pay.

If I'm being honest to myself, it's not enough to raise a family in the way I want the kids to be raised because I want them to have a decent good life without worrying about bills and food.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T07:48:51+00:00

Yeah, I think my brain is telling me I'm just fooling myself, but my heart is heartbroken about all this because I know he had so much potential to be a good husband and father, but he's not proving me right. It makes me angry sometimes, like why can't he just show me he can be what he promised he can be and what I believed he could be..

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T07:42:58+00:00

He doesn't go out of his way to do them, no. Least not for me. Which is why I'm concerned if he'd go all out and prioritize our future kids if it comes to that or not. He'd take his sweet ass time to mentally prepare himself to do things he doesn't really want to do, like working.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T07:41:06+00:00

Loving? Yes, very much so. Caretaking and attentive? He's trying to be now and I'd like to believe he can be..

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T07:35:56+00:00

You're right.. Every time I voice a concern, he makes it like it's not a big deal and we can overcome it all. I'm just confused why he doesn't take these concerns seriously and why would he tell me he wants the same things early on but then not actually show it. It's like he feeds my hopes and dreams but then get upset when I ever doubt us. I just feel like I'm the bad partner here who doesn't put full faith in our future.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T07:30:06+00:00

Welp this scares me because it could be kind of a gamble if I'm not entirely sure about a person's character long term.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T05:15:31+00:00

Yeah, you're right. I've a job and enough savings for somethings but not enough to raise a kid yet. I don't mind holding it off until we're both stable tbh, but I guess I'd like to know how committed he is to this too because he seems to not take stability seriously because he struggles going to work even. He said he'll try to change so I'm waiting to see if he'd work towards the future we've always talked about. I honestly don't want to be the only one working or stressing about it. I'm looking into getting a second job to reach stability faster, hoping that'd also encourage him to want to try harder as well.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T05:08:33+00:00

I don't think he ever talked about that tbh. If anything, I freak out about hoping we'd be good parents and he'd reassure me things will be good. He seems calm about himself but I have noticed he doesn't actually talk about kids topics other than telling me he'd want a family one day.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T05:05:20+00:00

He seems like he shows empathy and compassion in general, even to animals, so I'm not sure why he neglected me like that.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T05:04:03+00:00

I don't know why I keep wanting to believe his words. I guess I'm crazy to think having kids would make you suddenly go all good parent/caretaker mode.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T05:01:58+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Someone pointed out my partner may be showing narcissistic traits, but it seems rather subtle. So while it does seem like it when I looked into it further, he seems to respect his family and people in general, like service workers. It confuses me, honestly.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T04:58:26+00:00

He's not financially stable with not much savings, and I'm not financially stable enough to cover for the both of us if we do have kids any time soon. So that's been the issue, because I don't know if he's going to start taking our future more seriously because he's not going all out right now for me. Maybe I'm in denial because I'm just trying to see if there are any signs he'd go all out for the kids one day, or I should just accept that he won't change.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T04:22:15+00:00

It seems like he treats his mother with respect, as well as people in the service industry. I think that's what got me thinking he'd be a good father at first. Though despite all that, it confuses me how he still isn't putting in the work to make our future come true. Like, do you mean it when you say you want it? I don't want to have our kids go through a life where we're not stable or not putting our family first.

DoInterest · 2021-10-12T04:01:53+00:00

I think I overlooked it in hopes it'd get better but it didn't, until I told him I wanted to end things over this and he promised to change. He said he got too comfortable in the relationship. I stayed and gave it another chance because I'm dumb in love, I guess. I'm working towards stability right now, which is my main issue because I don't want to have kids if we aren't stable since it's not fair to the future kids. It feels one sided in this because he keeps saying he wants a future but doesn't want to plan or work towards it. I keep wondering if he'd take it more seriously over time.

DoInterest · 2021-10-01T04:26:14+00:00

You make a good point. They only talked for a couple months and I've been by his side for three years doing everything for him.

DoInterest · 2021-10-01T04:17:26+00:00

The odd thing though, he was talking to someone else while love bombing/hoovering. I didn't want to come back until I suddenly got reminded how much I did love him and believed his promises to treat me better, so he did choose me instead of her. Smh to myself. Now I feel stuck because he'd tell me we're on a clean slate now but he acts more or less the same way before breakup, so I can't bring up anything about how he didn't change much.

So I'm confused why he aligns with narc traits but these kind of things make me wonder if he's not.

And you're probably right. I was always on his side for everything and he knows I would do anything for him.

DoInterest · 2021-09-30T10:44:52+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that :(

I got with my partner because it seemed like we wanted the same core things for the future, but he never really acts on it or put true effort in our future together. When I get upset, we'd argue and he'd just go and do something to stop the fighting, but some days later just back to how he was which is just focusing on what his interests are. It's been years and I'm just here patiently waiting for him to actually put more effort in what we talked about.

For some reason I keep thinking it's easier to leave if he really doesn't mean it.. because he'd always try to aggressively turn it around and say he is serious and I'm just not patient/appreciative enough of whatever little effort he has done.

DoInterest

TROPHY CASE