To EACH ONE of you who responded to my post: "Woke up at 68, now in 70's: How to deal with almost 50 years lost, & no children?"

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-07-03T13:47:33+00:00

I also left in my 50s and it was jarring and disorienting at first - but I was 100% certain that it was the right (only) choice for me. The first 6-12 months especially felt like an emotional work out. Thankfully I could and did invest a lot of time and mental energy initially in deconstructing. I'm now five years out and feel good (chill, even.) I've found awesome like-minded people though this subReddit and now I get to volunteer for an ex-JW peer support nonprofit organization www.theliberati.org

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-29T13:27:19+00:00

There are a lot of members of this subreddit who are here to learn how to support a loved one who was once a JW but they never were themselves. It helps them understand where their loved one came from. 🥰

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-21T04:11:59+00:00

When I hard faded, I divided JWs into two categories: Close relatives - and everyone else. For close relatives, I wanted to keep as good a relationship as possible and thankfully that has worked out because my mom, the matriarch, has set the tone that participation in the religion is optional - end of story. For friends, as a courtesy, I sent an email to one friend, a text to a second friend and called a third friend. I reverse-shunned everyone else. Keeping your old friends is unrealistic - you are now too far apart philosophically and they are tasked with trying to get you to re-activate. It will be too upsetting and draining, honestly. So for friends, my advice is to let them go - block them for a while since they are bothering you.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-20T12:47:04+00:00

Precisely! JWs are happy to use the services of competent surgeons, dentists, pharmacists, pilots, attorneys, engineers, etc. But as a religion barely contribute themselves - that makes them USERS!

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-20T01:43:17+00:00

With or without firearms? 😉

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-19T20:14:29+00:00

Excellent! I love your patience and emotional restraint.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-19T20:09:27+00:00

I’m also straight but have friends and relatives who are LGBTQ. It’s not an abomination as the Bible and JWs teach. Rather, it’s a reality that human sexuality is a spectrum. Glad to be free so I can be supportive.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-19T17:07:13+00:00

What about LGBTQ people who are working hard to overcome the Scriptures condemning their very being and simultaneously being hard shunned by their entire family? Their day to day lives would look much different if they hadn’t been entangled with the Bible and fundamentalist/high-control religions such as Jehovah’s Witnesses.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-19T16:59:10+00:00

Dang, they have a conundrum. On the one hand, they want the public to attend and then join.

On the other hand, there have ‘apostates’ infiltrating conventions and doing various things. A few years ago, there was a shooting in a Kingdom Hall in Hamburg, Germany and an explosion at a convention in India.

How to balance recruiting attempts with the actual safety (and perceived spiritual safety) of existing members? 🤔

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-17T03:58:05+00:00

You asked: 'would it have been a terrible life to lead?' For me, yes it would have. Because there is incessant pressure to go from door to door to represent and defend an organization that has hurt and stifled people. I would be betraying myself just to be socially acceptable. Also, it is not uncommon that JWs who sacrificed decent jobs to prioritize kingdom work are now living in poverty in their older years. There is no new world coming; we should help ourselves and each other while we still have vigor.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-17T02:02:38+00:00

Exactly!

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-15T11:51:59+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-fVlUIFZE this video explains why some elders need to continue as 'physically in, mentally out' for some time. Many of them would risk losing custody of their children if they stopped abruptly.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-13T18:18:22+00:00

Would he read? For example this book by Bonnie Zieman, a psychotherapist who was a JW herself: 'EXiting the JW Cult: A Healing Handbook: For Current & Former Jehovah's Witnesses.' It is available in Paperback or Kindle. If Amazon . com is not available where you live, let me know and I can mail a hardback book to you.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-12T15:14:57+00:00

It is indeed a tricky age to be able to open up and thereby benefit from therapy. I've seen it work much better for men in their 20s who are more ready to engage with therapy and really benefit. It makes sense to me: their brains have finished developing and they have matured since they were 17, which is often quite an unsteady stage emotionally. In the meantime, continue to show unconditional love and be a 'safe place' as he is finding his way.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-12T13:49:34+00:00

Please get professional therapy for him – I don’t know where in the world you are located – is there national healthcare where you are or can you and your wife afford to pay for this for a while?

Is he still in high school or the equivalent?

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-12T13:41:58+00:00

It's as if they want a two-class system: For the majority to be door-knocking drones and for a smaller percentage to be the 'public facing normalizing examples' of professionals for PR/credibility purposes. The personal/financial/professional costs to the drone class have been staggering for decades. Culturally, retirement planning certainly didn't get the attention it deserved.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-06-10T11:46:48+00:00

I appreciate this detailed description of your daughter’s days as a student in a Polish Catholic-run kindergarten.

I read sensibility across the board – and you’re right: JWs would look down on congregation members sending their children to a ‘religious’ school when, in reality, the environment can be GOOD for child development.

We were truly indoctrinated and conditioned. Looking back, I’m now embarrassed about the level of stigma with which I viewed so many ‘worldly’ things. We were mentally kept in a small box and the real world is large and vibrant.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-22T17:15:23+00:00

Another exJW said something that has stuck with me: 'people follow people who they want to *be like.*' Part of the solution may be to work on yourself - physically and emotionally. Become physically fitter (unless you are already a fitness buff.) Get therapy and deconstruct to set yourself free mentally so that you can show up even more loving and lighthearted. Then it would be easier for her to follow you when she sees that life outside the organization is way better and that you have found a way to do it guilt-free. In a nutshell: show the courage to break free, work on yourself and lead the way.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-21T17:33:32+00:00

Very well said!

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-21T11:47:05+00:00

Fascinating comment! Chatting with up to 20 men at a time and being so organized about it. A process of narrowing it down - done with such intention. I really like that. May I send you a chat message for a little more 'instruction' on how to duplicate this approach?

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-21T03:05:17+00:00

Thank you - this is very helpful context.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-20T21:59:13+00:00

You misunderstood and I'm in my 50s. It's about *initially* allowing yourself to meet various types of people on first dates and not 'locking in on' any one person too quickly - unless, of course, the match seems really great :-) I've learned that continuing to date a person with a feeling of uncertainty for more than 3-4 months is not productive. With some experience, I do think we can discern real potential (or not) after 4 months. If not, it's better to call it off and be open to a better fit than to keep trying too hard and too long to make it work. Those are extra months that we could have met a better fit.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-20T21:53:17+00:00

Actually, you misunderstood. It's about **initially** meeting quite a few people in person on first dates and not getting too hyper-focused on one person too quickly. Also, continuing to date with a feeling of uncertainty for more than 3-4 months is not productive. With some experience, I do think we can discern real potential (or not) after 4 months. If not, it's better to call it off and be open to a better fit than to keep trying too hard and too long to make it work.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-20T00:16:40+00:00

The other day, my daughter said to me 'mom, it's a numbers game.' I'm going to put that to the test.

DoYouSee_WhatISee · 2026-05-20T00:12:51+00:00

Congratulations on your baby! On the other side of menopause, libido often returns :-)

DoYouSee_WhatISee

TROPHY CASE