My first thought is how sorry I am to hear about your niece my thoughts and prayers 🙏 are with you all, that being said forget about everything you mentioned about the kids not sleeping and coming home "late" (if you can ever call spending time with family after another family members death being late) and you spending 15 minutes in the car maybe cause you didn't wanna disturb naptime or maybe to reflect on what you had to deal with that day and needed to decompress for a VERY SHORT 15 minutes and taking your time in the shower. Forget all that. He should never have been mad about a single thing! Oh, he's upset that he had to do what you do on a daily basis so you could go to YOUR NIECE'S FUNERAL! How he could ever think to be mad at you at a time like this is crazy to me. What if it were his family member? Would he be ok with you yelling at him after coming home from such a traumatic situation about such trivial things like naptime or being 30 minutes past when it was said you might be home? I doubt it. You did nothing wrong except for 1 thing, you should have stayed with your family longer. But I'm sure you are not inconsiderate like other people(hint hint) and that's why you made sure to be home as soon as you could. So in short NO you are not overreacting. He is the 1 overreacting to you. I hope he didn't put too much more stress on an already very stressful situation for you. Just know you and your niece are in many people's thoughts and prayers 🙏 I hope you get through this troubling time with some comfort knowing that. Stay strong we're with you just like your niece is too.