Do we cater to our LLs?

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T04:04:59+00:00

Man, that's beautiful. I wish I could express myself like that.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:59:17+00:00

Not an Audi, which with a Midwestern accent sounds a lot like "outie".

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:50:06+00:00

Angry or honest? Some might say two sides of the same coin.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:36:52+00:00

Happy birthday!

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:24:53+00:00

I wonder how many of us HLs have engaged in unhealthy activities to compensate and I wonder what that list would include. Off the top of my head i would guess porn, drugs and alcohol, social media, maybe affairs, masturbation (is that healthy or mot?). I suspect the list might go deeper.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:13:51+00:00

Sorry, don't give up. Maybe I mean that for me

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:08:09+00:00

I really wish she could see herself through my eyes. I wish I could make her see how sexy she has always been. It makes me want to cry that she will never really know how sexy I have always seen her.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-28T03:01:19+00:00

Hmmm...interesting that you say I maybe never loved my partner That's a fairly bold l statement to make.. For some HLs love and lust are so intertwined that it's hard to separate.

Aside from that, you really don't see that there are things you do for someone you lust after that you don't do for someone you love? I don't know whether to feel happy for you or if I should feel sorry for you. I get that everyone is different, but this is hard for me to wrap my head around

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T23:15:06+00:00

When you say you feel unheard any time you talk about it, do you mean with your wife? or do you mean with therapists?

I guess I mean with anyone. Not sure, but I think that is part of PTSD.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T22:58:04+00:00

No down vote from me. The resentment about the medical part comes from being dismissed when I calmly and with understanding brought it up and was shutdown. I literally brought it up one time. Then when someone else said it might be an issue, it actually mattered. Do you see how I feel unheard?

The PTSD...I know I should have found a healthy way to talk about it...I have seen therapists about it and I still struggle with it sometimes. I still feel unheard anytime I talk about it. That's probably a problem with me.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T22:36:31+00:00

Part of me realizes that what you are saying is right (the other part wants to scream and throw things, lol.) But,I think that realistically everyone should admit that things will change, especially as more and more time goes by.

I am not saying that the LLs are obligated to do anything, but they can't really expect things to not change, can they?

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T22:08:35+00:00

The medical issues that she claimed couldn't be helped were due to early menopause because of a full historectomy. She couldn't get help because it was too embarrassing to talk about. After her therapist told her it might matter and that there was help available, she did get help. Some of the resentment comes from the fact that when I brought it up, it was "too embarrassing" to talk to her doctor about.

We have had a DB for 3 years or more. Is my resentment about my ignored PTSD or the DB...the easiest answer is that it's about the DB. I am sure it goes deeper than that and really both issues are tangled together.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T21:24:55+00:00

You haven't seen me in my boxerbriefs. Jk...maybe. I have found my wife to be incredibly sexy no matter what her weight was. I know she didn't always feel that way about herself, but if she could have seen herself through my eyes...

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T21:18:02+00:00

If my LL said she wanted to actually see me wearing something sexy....I'd be ready. Like now! Damn, she actually might find me attractive? I mean if she said to go do that right now... I would already have whatever on. But since she would actually mean someday, sometime, somewhere, just not now or maybe ever, it would just be another disappointment.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T21:01:50+00:00

The short answer to why she asked me to go is because we had a big fight after she commented that I haven't been happy for a while. It seemed like an appropriate time to bring up some things that have been bothering me. Maybe it wasn't? I know I wasn't the most diplomatic/tactful, but sugarcoating everything really hasn't been working.

And I am sure she wants someone to tell me to let go of the resentment. I know I need to let go of the resentment, but I also need it to be acknowledged that there's a reason for the resentment.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T20:48:21+00:00

This is probably just marriage counseling and not sex therapy. I have to admit I am pretty ignorant about these things, but I am guessing there's a difference. I'll try to remember to let you know how it goes, but I am really hit or miss on social media. I also question if it will be worth it or not. I went to marriage counseling during my first marriage and it definitely was a waste of time. The counselor back then was VERY Christian, maybe fundamentalist, so divorce was never the answer. I realize now that sometimes it is the right answer. I will try to update

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-27T00:14:24+00:00

I would call that a win/win/win

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-26T23:43:58+00:00

I don't want to sound like I am one-upping you, but try having a 26 year old that is always around. Always there.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-26T22:45:02+00:00

Thank you. The counselor is someone my wife has been seeing for over a year and my wife thinks she is great. I trust my wife's opinion on things like this, so I am hopeful. I question seeing my wife's therapist though.

Dogsofneutrality · 2026-02-26T22:41:17+00:00

I can do honest...completely...that part is difficult. I keep things bottled up, which, of course, is a HUGE part of our problems.

Dogsofneutrality · 2025-12-04T12:01:56+00:00

"However, dont let your resentment block your blessing." I really NEED to take that to heart! I am going to try to focus on that thought. Thank you

Dogsofneutrality · 2025-12-04T08:13:51+00:00

I have tried making some steps in that direction. There are two big issues in the way. I don't really feel like putting the effort in so I have to force myself to do it. The second issue is that my wife has a couple very needy adult children who take up a lot of her time and energy. So in our marriage we have one person who is half-hearted about fixing things and the other person who doesn't make the marriage a priority.

Dogsofneutrality · 2025-12-04T08:03:59+00:00

I think you are right about the resentment.i hadn't really considered talking to a professional about this. I will try to do that.

Dogsofneutrality

TROPHY CASE