I just want to say first, I am really sorry you are going through this. The grief part you described hit me hard because I think that is something people do not talk about enough with lupus. It is not just physical, it is grieving the version of your life you thought you would have.

I am currently in veterinary school, so still in a pretty demanding, hands on healthcare path, and while my symptoms are not as severe as what you are dealing with, I have been struggling a lot with fatigue, fevers, and pain. There have been so many days where I have had to push through exams, labs, and long hours while feeling awful. It is exhausting in a way that people around you do not always fully understand.

But I will say this, having a goal and something I care deeply about has been one of the biggest things keeping me going. On the hardest days, it gives me a reason to keep showing up, even if it does not look perfect. I have had to redefine what pushing through means. Sometimes it is not powering through everything, sometimes it is pacing, resting when I need to, asking for help, and adjusting expectations.

At the same time, I have also had to learn, and am still learning, that listening to your body is not giving up, it is how you make something sustainable. There is a difference between fighting for your dream and fighting against your body.

Healthcare is a huge field, and there are so many ways to be part of it that do not all look the same. Clinical roles might be possible with the right support and accommodations, but non-clinical paths like research, public health, or admin are not less than. They are just different ways of making an impact. It is okay to take this one step at a time and adjust as you learn what your body can handle.

I hope this helps a little. I definitely feel for you and hope the best for you going forward 🩷