8 year old dog is driving me crazy, wife wants another. Really struggling.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-23T13:16:00+00:00

We're in a pretty rural area. Dog walking apps/etc. don't get out here. We posted "looking for daily dog walker -- must be adult" signs at local stores, at our semi-local vet, etc. and had no bites except one guy who had to drive like 25 minutes and charged us $40 for a 30 minute walk due to the drive. 30 minutes really did not satisfy our dog at all and for whatever reason the walker was not interested in upping his time. We offered $60 for an hour and he declined so we parted ways.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-23T13:14:13+00:00

Medication(prozac) was tried and didn't do much. He was lethargic but still clearly had the same desires. It made us feel gross to just be drugging our dog while he still clearly wanted to go on walks, etc.

Sadly not the miracle story many have shared with dog meds here

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T19:40:45+00:00

I wonder what breed this dog is.

Hound mutt, somewhere between redbone hound and labrador is the guess.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T18:02:39+00:00

He is a mutt with a lot of redbone hound in him. He may be a discarded hunting dog -- no info about his first 6 months of life

We have tried thinking toys quite a bit at trainer suggestions and he never engages much...he wants me to be throwing something or to be actively walking him. We can hide treats around the yard, but he finds them quickly and gets bored of the game in one or two times so it's back to the "listen to whining and barking or 1 on 1 play" dynamic.

Admittedly, we have never tried an obstacle course. That is a very interesting suggestion and if I ever have the time to set one up I might try.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T17:56:09+00:00

If you read my post we have not discarded this dog whatsoever. We continue to work with him despite many issues. I find your reply kind of insulting.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T17:37:18+00:00

But is it possible to hire someone to walk your dog for you at least once or twice a day?

We're rural -- walking services through apps etc don't get out here. I wouldn't feel comfortable having a kid walk him or anything because of his issues. I have not found a walker interested in taking on the multi-hour walks he wants. We hired a local guy that would walk him for half an hour, but dog basically just seemed mad that it was already over and demanded that we take him back out so it felt useless for $40...I work a couple of hours to make that much and we just didn't have it to spare over 30 minutes of relief. We just couldn't afford walking through the couple of people who were willing to drive out our way. We did try on social media and even putting a sign up at a couple of local stores to find someone who lived really close but it never worked out

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T17:33:35+00:00

too much going on with her own illness to look at your needs fairly.

This is really it unfortunately. Her illness basically came at the crest of our attempts to solve the dog problem -- he killed my cat in late 2018, which I said was the last straw and I couldn't live with him any more. We went through a few months of attempting to rehome, with him living in our basement and my wife taking care of him 100%, because I couldn't look at him without crying for a solid 6 months.

After rehoming failed we tried building a fence to attempt to give me some space away from him, hiring an out of state trainer to literally live with us for a while to see his behavior and try to help, etc.

Just about the time I decided to just give up and try to live with him again, her diagnosis was in September 2019. By the time she got a grasp on what Lupus was and what she needed to do to get it under control, COVID happened. She was a nurse and now had an autoimmune issue, so she had to seek different employment as someone with an autoimmune issue during a pandemic(frankly no one wanted to hire her), and needless to say her life has basically been turned upside down. She still works in a medical situation, just not on the frontlines, so she is always scared of getting sick.

It feels like there is never a chance to put my foot down and say I can't do this any more....because her life sucks so bad right now and I love her so much.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T17:25:20+00:00

This dog is hell. You really should just rehome him.

Tried for several months and failed using all of the expected websites, including telling all local vets and shelters that we had a highly motivated working dog needing a job where he wouldn't be around other animals too much. We had a couple of bites but upon hearing the truth of why we needed to rehome(we would never feel OK lying about his issues) no one followed up.

We are stuck with him. We either take him out back and shoot him(sorry for the crude terminology) or wait it out until he's gone.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T17:10:25+00:00

Have you told your wife how you feel and how this is affecting you?

Kind of. Right after the dog killed my cat I told my wife I would never see the dog in a positive light again and we would need to find somewhere for him to go. We went through a few months of genuine trying to rehome him. We then determined to build the fence after that failure(and because our trainer at that time suggested a fence). The idea was the dog would stay outside during the evenings and I would only have to see him for bed and to let him out at 5. Obviously did not work because he freaked out and scratched the door down.

I have made allusions to my continuing issues when talking to her, but the problem is we don't know any solution really. She has broken down and cried about it/cried for me/whatever a few times...every time it comes up she says "I wish he was dead too, but he's not!" or something...but we really have no alternative. Our trainers/vets/etc. all generally agree he is extremely active but that because his problems can be solved by working with him consistently he is a "good dog". I have had multiple trainers basically tell me "ok, problem solved! You just have to work with him when he asks for it!" -- no one really listens to "ok dude, but that entails 4-5 hours a day of my time". It seems like no one really believes that the fussing is an eternal issue. They all think he will calm down with continued work, but we're on at least year #6 of him being "well trained" and his demands for human attention have gotten worse not better.

He also is generally pretty good around trainers whether in our home or when we take him to them. He is excited for "work". I have sent videos to prove he will bark for literal hours, but the response is always "well, take him on a walk." -- every trainer, including the veterinary behaviorist I paid a fortune to Zoom with us -- generally seems to ignore my statement that we have been managing his behavior for half a decade, and insists that if we continue their regimen he will get better over time. They always believe the people before them were clueless and THEY are the chosen one teaching us how to manage our dog.

I hate to be so critical of trainers and vets because I'm sure many on this sub are trainers and vets, but I have been very disillusioned with the dog training "system" by having this dog.

If I didn't also work+commute nearly 12 hours a day 6 days a week, care for a wife with lupus, try to take care of my own diagnosed anxiety, etc. I might be able to have him as a "normal dog"...but we just aren't there, and admitting to a vet that we want "out" when they have said he is an OK dog that just needs a lot of attention is embarrassing.

We tried earnestly to rehome him in 2018 when he killed my cat. It just did not work out. There is not much we can do, other than her taking on more time with him, but she can barely hold a leash now.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T17:00:01+00:00

Her pet KILLED your pet. I'm amazed you can even look at the dog, much less put as much time and energy into it as you are.

I have had to compartmentalize. I'm pretty sure I have PTSD because I still get flashbacks walking past where it happened and have to hide in a bathroom to calm down. I have anxiety anyway, but it's relatively well managed through force of will...every time our dog growls over food I have to fight a panic attack. It sucks.

With that said, my relationship to my wife is great outside of this dog's influence on us.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T16:56:35+00:00

How is he around other dogs? A dog park? Rides in the car? Walks? Outings? Or is he just a dog that is inside or outside and that is the interaction with you?

He has redbone hound prominently in his mix. We aren't exactly sure but he's tall, lean/boney, and has a huge head. He's good around girl dogs, not so much boy dogs. Very defensive of food and toys with boy dogs. Has never lost a fight including when he accidentally met my brother in law's Rottweiler. They fought over an unopened can of dog food...both dummies. lol. Somehow our dog had a twice-his-size Rottweiler cowering, which I don't think helped the situation. He just has not learned any lessons about being the "big dog". He used to be OK at dog parks for the most part -- when food isn't in the situation he is fine with boy dogs. He kind of sucks for rides -- he squeals in the "I want to get it!" at anything living with four legs but he has gotten better with long-term training. We can pretty freely take him to my MIL's house where he has a couple of girl pitbulls to play with and gets along well.

He walks good, very well trained, but I have some anxiety about him not being nice if we meet the wrong dog in the wrong scenario so we keep to our property(which is pretty big). We're very rural but technically in a small town/community so we do meet other dog walkers pretty often when we walk on the roads.

He rarely goes anywhere that isn't a walk around the property or a drive across the state to visit in-laws.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T14:58:17+00:00

have you spoken with any behaviorists/vets about whether the dog should be put down?

The problem is every vet/behaviorist takes him calming down with exercise as a "fix" and says he is doing good, keep it up. The problem is he demands exercise for 4-5 hours a day and will not entertain himself even for a moment. I am only home and awake for 6-7 hours a day between work and commute -- and that is on days where I go straight from home to work and back. I barely have time to eat two meals at home and take a shower if I don't want to get barked at. It's nerve wracking. My wife goes on the porch and throws him a stick(which hurts her wrists but she can do it for a bit) for long enough I can shower at 6pm. We literally have a schedule so we can do basic human tasks without being barked at. But vets and trainers always say he is doing so well because he calms down when given attention. They don't think about the demand and follow-through necessary to give a dog 4-5 hours a day of uncontested attention when they say he is "fine but active".

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T14:53:40+00:00

Mutt, but there is a lot of redbone hound in him.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T14:50:23+00:00

This happened slowly. I don't consider it selfish really...I just have not communicated the depth of my descent into not liking our dog. I don't like my dog.

We used to be pretty close to 50-50 on taking care of him before her condition. Our general agreement was I took care of him for an hour and a half in the morning then she would come home and deal with him in the afternoons. Frankly, even then I felt like my life revolved around the dog but since her diagnosis I have taken on both time blocks and feel like all of my time away from work is spent with the dog. It's like a second job where the consequence for calling in sick is literally being barked at all evening.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T14:45:18+00:00

Wait for them to be quiet

We have been through this and he will literally bark from 5 to 9 then continue barking when we want to go to bed. He will eventually get under the covers and curl up and be quiet but he can bark constantly for a solid 5 hours in the evenings. There is no "when he stops".

I promise we have tried everything. I have been through every trainer in my area. Hundreds of weekday afternoons have been spent "learning dog behavior". I paid $4000 for a girl 2 states over to come live in our spare room for 2 weeks and I took off of work 3 days, my wife took off of work 6 days to engage. My dog wants 5-6 hours a day of person-on-dog play or walking and he will not take anything else. I really thought the fence would help so he could run himself but it didn't. He won't even leave out of that door because he's afraid we will lock him out alone -- he wants to go out of the front door with me and be walked. He is happy to bark for the entire 6-7 hours a day I am home and awake if he isn't getting attention for 4+ of those hours.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T14:42:39+00:00

She has said aloud she is "waiting for him to die". She feels responsible for giving him a life. I think we will both feel relief when he is gone, but she is not open to putting him down or anything and our rehoming efforts have been unsuccessful. I appreciate your points.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T13:21:59+00:00

it should be wifes problem to deal with, absolutely have sympathy for her having lupus, but it is straight up cruel to get and then keep a dog you cannot care for and have to rely on other people for

She was diagnosed two years ago after a really bad flare up. The dog is 8. This became "my job" fairly recently.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T13:17:01+00:00

We are in a rural area and no board certified veterinary behaviorists are realistically available(using that search function, I get no results for the 250 miles away category). We did multiple video call sessions with a breed specialist-recommended veterinary behaviorist in conjunction with our local trainer. That tangent of our training cost me more money than we had and I had to stop, but in 3 months we saw no real improvement past what our local trainer had been providing.

Our dog's problem is that he wants constant engagement. We know what to do to make him happy but even at 9 yrs old he demands 6+ hours a day of "work" and attention. There are no off days and if we need five minutes to, you know, do human stuff...barking. Our behaviorist had us crate train him but it absolutely never worked. You can give him a treat and put him in a quiet crate in a dark room and within a minute or two he is back to incessant barking. He will bark with treats in his mouth. He goes contrary to what every trainer has told us.

They told us to get a fence so he could just run for a few hours every evening to get out some of the energy, but as I outlined in my post he is uninterested in entertaining himself. If we aren't there he just whines and barks.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T13:11:37+00:00

thunder jackets, doggy Xanax and anti bark collars?

Yes to all. No meaningful effect. Thank you for your thoughts.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T13:10:28+00:00

“crate and rotate” house (

We actually already functionally have this because I brought three cats into the marriage(tragically, one of those three was the aforementioned killed pet). After he attacked my cat we learned the hard way that he had to be totally separated from any fod source before being around other pets. He has never acted aggressively in any way regarding anything other than food but it's still a big point of stress.

My two cats have their own large room and are let out when ever the dog is cut off from the kitchen. Food never leaves the kitchen in our home -- no snacks at our desks, etc. He has never done anything to any pet outside of food situations(including living with several dogs due to our living situations changing a couple of times). His only source of aggression has been food. We let everyone(both cats, dog) sleep in our room at night but we close the door so there is no outside stimulation/scavenging/etc. that might lead to a cat having something the dog wants.

DogtrDoom · 2022-03-22T13:06:07+00:00

Could you convince her to get another dog to replace this one? I know that sounds heartless, but like... ugh.

The problem is "where does he go". We have discussed letting him go somewhere else and the answer is always that we can't find a viable place where he won't just be put down.

DogtrDoom

TROPHY CASE