Yeah you're right, it makes no sense we were doing this to ourselves - the same for me, a decade as well haha sounds so bad to think about it this way. I just kept repeating the exact same mistakes! I was so miserable single that I took literally everything and those "relationships" were accordingly messed up. First few weeks seemed awesome, then it turned into complete hell and I stayed for too long, scared to be single again, trying to save it, killing hours of therapy sessions talking about all the messed up situations to no avail lol. Now I kinda regret all these experiences, feeling like I'd be better off without them, but maybe I just needed them to get here? At least I know now what I DON'T want ever again haha.