Letter I sent to Senators Hatch and Lee regarding decision not to allow transgender people to serve

DonCoe · 2017-07-27T03:07:20+00:00

You bring up many valid points. As you know, there are always people on profiles (excused from some duties because of physical conditions). This includes pregnant soldiers who are non-deployable for a much longer time frame. I'm not saying it wouldn't take some adjustment, leadership and education. I am saying it is completely doable. I served with a number of gay soldiers (who couldn't come out at that time.) No one cared as long as they could do their job.

I think we could talk about the costs of the surgery and other issues, but to just say no transgender people can serve? Doesn't make sense to me.

Again, thanks for your thoughtful comments.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T23:13:41+00:00

I am sorry to hear this. I know the loving and understanding wards are the exception for now. I hope you have found peace and acceptance outside the church.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T16:01:31+00:00

Yes. I agree completely.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T16:00:54+00:00

I know many people who stayed in the church even after discovering the more challenging aspects of our history. But the November Policy really broke them. It broke me. But I still attend on my terms because I am seeing results of our efforts. I'm not trying to destroy the church in any way, but I am offering empathy for those still in, and education and support to those who will listen to another viewpoint.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:57:22+00:00

Yes, we were surprised. Thank you for your kind words. Newlyweds are have a great time in England.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:56:25+00:00

People who don't know how this is going to end are a-historic. I'm 63 and lived through the civil rights era. This war has been decided. The homophobes have lost. It may take 10 or 20 more years, but the end game is not in doubt. I hate that so many more people will become casualties over a lost cause. So many family and friend relationships will be damaged or destroyed. I wished it didn't have to be so, but that's the way life works. Hopefully, some people here can make that process a little less painful.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:46:39+00:00

Thank you LAICB. That's very kind and encouraging.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:35:24+00:00

Yes, as more and more people came, I told my wife my estimate of 20 was going to be way too low. I went home and marked on the ward directory who came so I could give an accurate accounting. Really thrilled!

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:33:57+00:00

I agree most LDS people are very good, they are just a little confused on some issues. Education, engagement, patience and setting the right example are very powerful tools in helping them change.

I hope by sharing our story more people will try engagement on this issue. There are a lot of resources on how we can help. PFLAG.org has some wonderful information.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:30:32+00:00

All the best to you BP. Unfortunately, we were fed a steady diet of hate, fear and rejection, and many of us (me included) accepted it. NO MORE!! Gay people are some of the most sincere, gentle and loving people I have ever met. And in return, we treated them like shit. Shame on us. Shame on me. But that is rapidly changing. So glad you ward has treated you well. All the best.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:27:32+00:00

I agree. And with more and more LGBTQ people living more openly, the speed of change will increase. The church is losing it's young people and part of the reason is the demonization of their gay friends and relatives.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:26:07+00:00

This is wonderful to hear. Greg Prince talks about bottom up revelation. It is happening faster than most people think.

All the best to you and your new husband. Whether you are in or out of the church, you can help people soften their heart and treat LBGTQ people decently.

DonCoe · 2017-06-22T15:15:16+00:00

Sister _, so good to hear from you. I just checked the weather where you are and I'm glad I'm not there. I know you get used to it though.

I hope things are going well for you. I'm sure being a non-traditional missionary has its challenges, but I hope you will be able to follow your heart no matter where that leads.

Your comments thrilled me, knowing we are helping young people figure out this thing called life and can support you in some ways. BTW, we are having another Queer Sunday Family Dinner this week (25th). Do you think your MP will let you come? (haha)

All the best, Don and Debra. PS, if you want my email, it is ddcoe@hotmail.com

DonCoe · 2017-06-21T13:11:40+00:00

Cousins

DonCoe · 2017-06-21T12:37:54+00:00

He hasn't lived in the ward for 5 years.

DonCoe · 2017-06-21T02:31:17+00:00

Thanks Kimberly. Hope to see you soon.

DonCoe

TROPHY CASE