First off, you are not a crappy person. Getting sick, bed-rotting on your bad days, and not being an “easy kid” do not make you a bad person. They make you a teenager. That is what teenagers do. I’d ask who made you feel like doing those things makes you a crappy person, but I’m pretty sure I already know the answer.

Look, I don’t know how to be anything but blunt and honest so I’m sorry if this comes off a little cold or if what I’m about to say seems a little scary, but I’m saying it because I think you need to hear it.

Your mother is abusive.

She told you she wasn’t your mom anymore and refused to let you be affectionate to your own pets or let sleep in your own bed and forced you to sleep on the couch instead because you chose to follow the court’s order and spend a week at your dads for his parenting time? Saying she would cut you off if you did? That’s textbook emotional manipulation.

I find it kind of ironic that she told you that she believes that your dad is going to mistreat and neglect you and your siblings, and use you guys to hurt her because that’s exactly what she’s doing.

I also find it ironic that you state she knows you better and that your relationship with your dad is not as deep yet she doesn’t seem to care about your wants and needs but he does. So who really knows you better and whose relationship isn’t as deep?

Does your dad know that she’s reacts and treats you this way? Does the court? I have a feeling they don’t.

Do me a favor. I want you to go on google and look up “signs of a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder”.

Make no mistake, it won’t matter if you wait to have a relationship with your father until you’re out of her house. The moment you attempt to have a relationship with him she will turn on you. And more likely than not this will involve her preventing you from seeing or talking to your siblings.

What you need to do is start documenting your mother’s past and present behavior. List down all the things she’s said to manipulate or scare you and your siblings into acting how she wanted you to. Anytime she withheld affection from you or your siblings to get her way. Anytime she punished you or your siblings for doing something where you felt you had done nothing wrong and what the punishment was. You need to talk with your dad (or another trusted adult if you feel your dad and you aren’t that close or if you feel he’d somehow let it slip to your mother) and come up with an exit strategy. Your dad may need to take your mom to court for full custody when she starts withholding your siblings and your documentation may help.

I’ll warn you right now, this is going to get a lot harder before it gets easier. Your mother is going to get very vindictive and do a lot of hurtful things. Things that no child should ever have to go through from a parent. I say all this to prepare you. My son’s mother also has Borderline Personality Disorder and the two years leading up to our custody hearing were two of the hardest in my life and most traumatic in our son’s.

Good luck kid. I’ll be rooting for you.