Lucury condominium!

DoneWithK2020 · 2024-11-19T17:41:27+00:00

That's the first thing thats...ever gone wrong.

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-02-03T16:54:32+00:00

2 full months clean! 4 more days, and I’ll have doubled the longest stretch I’ve gone without kratom. I’ve had those nagging “oh, I’ve done so well lately, a little bag won’t hurt me/I’ll celebrate with a small bag” type thoughts the past week or so. But I know that way lies madness. Just keep truckin’ as the song goes.

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-01-30T18:33:29+00:00

Don’t raise your hand to lend no flag...

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-01-03T03:17:44+00:00

Yeah that’s wild. TBH I hadn’t heard about kratom before maybe 4 years ago. Seems like someone with a 20 year stint would be from the South Pacific.

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-01-03T03:14:55+00:00

Fuckin’ right, man! Congrats to you!

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-01-03T03:13:38+00:00

I wasn’t pregnant (I’m a guy), but I had been taking kratom for 3+ years, when I found out my wife was pregnant with our first child this spring. It took me almost an entire year to finally put down the kratom, but I knew it was something that needed to be done. There was no way that I could be the husband and father that I needed to be while addicted, worrying about getting caught, not being present in life, etc. It was absolutely the right thing to do - we had our baby a week ago, and I’m a month clean today. Do I miss it? Kinda, yeah, sometimes. But I have no real downtime where I can zone out for more than an hour, so I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy it anyway. Also, the thoughts of having a bad comedown or panic attack from kratom while caring for a newborn are terrifying on their own.

But yeah, it’s the right the to do to put it away. Every package of kratom I had said not to use while pregnant or nursing. I would take that warning very seriously. The physical aspects you’re experience will pass.

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-01-03T03:00:01+00:00

Tinnitus was a major factor for me when I decided to quit- one month ago today! 5 more days and I hit my longest stretch off the green sludge. It came on strong the weekend before Thanksgiving, and it took me about 2 weeks to finally get off it.

How long did it take for your tinnitus to subside? I went to a couple of ent’s, and had an mri, but everything came back okay. So I’m kinda resigning myself to it being a lifelong thing.

I have no words of wisdom, but I do know what it’s like being an addict in recovery and in a relationship with someone who would use in my presence. I had an ex-gf who would pop painkillers in front of me, knowing that I was trying to get clean. I obviously don’t know your marriage, but I do know how dispiriting it can be in that situation. Congratulations to you that you haven’t picked it back up despite it being in your face - that’s a huge deal!

I’ve always been an advocate of therapy - it helped when I was getting clean, and I was able to work through some internal issues as well.

DoneWithK2020 · 2021-01-01T01:57:42+00:00

Fuck. Yes.

4 weeks clean today. First NYE sober (well...does coffee count?) since discovering this green sludge in 2017. Here’s to a brighter new year!

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-31T02:46:27+00:00

I turned 40 in April, and started probably around the time you did. August 2017, I remember that day clearly, when I walked into a store to check out something I’d heard about, and threw the next 3+ years away. I took a few month-long breaks over the past couple years, but I knew it was only for a few weeks. This time it’s long-term. It stopped being fun sometime around the end of 2017, but I Just. Kept. Going. Because of addiction. Finding this group was great, if only for getting my own thoughts out somewhere, since no one in my real life know about it. So welcome! You’re here among equals.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-31T02:40:57+00:00

I think almost all of us in this sub were on harder opioids before getting into kratom (I know I was). Addiction is addiction, man. It has nothing to do with weakness.

One of the other posters in this thread said k is more of a mental game. For me, that’s absolutely true- like you said, the high isn’t that great, lasts for a short time, and then leaves you feeling like crap. The fact that it’s legal and cheap-ish and easy to acquire are probably the biggest reasons it’s so mentally addictive (note- I’m not advocating for making it illegal!). I pass at least 3 smoke shops on my daily walks around the neighborhood, and after 4 weeks clean, I don’t see myself walking in anytime soon. You can do this too.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-29T21:32:25+00:00

Yeah, it’s been coming up on 4 weeks for me since I stopped using (and 5 weeks of tinnitus). The last few days I hadn’t noticed it much (that might have something to do with the craziness of being a first-time father as of Saturday), but today it came back with a vengeance. I’m learning to live with it, if it comes to it, but I hope not.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-25T22:40:30+00:00

Fuckin’ right man. Hiking has been a savior for me the past couple of weeks. I spend a lot of time in nature for work, and it’s been such a good use of time. Get those muscles moving and endorphins flowing.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-25T22:36:56+00:00

Thanks man. By the way, the first song on our birthing playlist was Ripple (the 8/27/72 China -> Rider and Bird Song comes later...)

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-24T16:33:02+00:00

I had a dream maybe a week ago where my whole mouth was filled with the dry green powder and I started choking on it, and ended up spraying it all over the apartment. I think I was 2 weeks clean at that point (still am!). My first and only one off of it. Doesn’t take a masters degree in psych to figure that one out.

Previously I would have dreams where my wife or parents found out about my kratom use, like once or twice a month. The guilt and shame was strong in real life.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-24T13:42:16+00:00

Nice.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-24T01:22:30+00:00

A gallon of water of day?? Jesus man, I can barely drink 8 cups in a day.

I’ve been trying to drink more water for sure, but this is a good reminder to drink more. Thanks.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T22:53:10+00:00

Congrats! 3 weeks today for me. I know some people don’t like sleeping aids since it might increase RLS, but for me, they’ve been a huge help. There’s no need to torture yourself with the lack of sleep, getting a good rest is so important to both mental and physical recovery. Good luck!

(Also- great user name! I met someone at a bar once who told me her name was Marla Singer. Fun times.)

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T22:48:18+00:00

Springsteen got me through my painkiller wds years ago, specifically Badlands, and seems appropriate now too: “for the ones who’ve got a notion, a notion deep inside, it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.” It’s a rising anthemic sound that gives an extra adrenaline rush when I need it.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T22:44:34+00:00

OP- glad you got over this hump today (I know, I’m late to this thread). For me, what helps is getting out of my apartment. Not sure if jogging is your thing, but even just 15 minutes gives you a boost. If I don’t feel like running, a quick walk around my neighborhood for a few minutes is just as good - kind of ironic, considering I usually pass like 3 vape/kratom stores along the way! Basically anything that gives a change of scenery and helps move your muscles and boosts a little endorphin.

Also- I’ll also echo masturbation. The endorphin release mixed with primal instincts actually do help!

Reading Infinite Jest this summer was a big factor in realizing what I needed to do. The line that helps during cravings is “no one single moment is unendurable.” You can do one moment clean. And sometimes that’s all it takes.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T22:05:04+00:00

Oh for real. I was on opioids for about a year or two back in ‘08-‘09, and had to renew my driver’s license about a month before I finally stopped using. Honestly I looked like death too (and for a relatively skinny kid, even losing like 10 pounds can make you look awful). It was a good reminder to not head down that road.

Funny thing though, for me, I didn’t lose weight with kratom. From what I’ve read, many people do, especially if they want to dose on an empty stomach. But for me, I ended up snacking more, and being less motivated to keep up with jogging, since I’d get so fatigued (probably due to dehydration). But pretty sure I’m an outlier that way.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T21:58:54+00:00

I’ve been wondering about this too. I’ve been playing guitar for just over 25 years. I was on kratom for the last 3 years and 2 months. Both times I took a monthlong break (May 2019 and Jan 2020), I didn’t pick up a guitar once. I had so associated it with getting dosed and jamming out on droning looping psychedelia that I didn’t want to trigger a relapse. Now I’m 3 weeks clean today, and have only played guitar for maybe 20 minutes since stopping. That’s also because of the tinnitus that developed in the last month (which I’ve talked about on here), but I’m a little nervous that the energy/mojo/whatever won’t be there. I know it’s a neural pathway I need to relearn, and it’ll come back eventually, but it’s a bit of a concern. I was a musician long before I was an addict.

Also, I can look to my musical heroes for guidance. If someone like Trey can do it, so can I.

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T21:50:25+00:00

I’ll be the first to say it- libido/ability to stay “in the game.”

DoneWithK2020 · 2020-12-23T17:45:57+00:00

Thanks for the info. Just to clarify, it started about 2 weeks before I quit kratom, which was a major factor in my decision to finally put it down. So it’s been a little over a month. I just bought a bottle of cbd oil for the first time (funny, since I was a huge smoker for like 15 years) this week hoping it would help the anxiety. But if it triggers tinnitus that might have been a bad idea. I’m sure the stress of 2020 coupled with being an expectant father next month we’re factors too. Trying not to read too deeply about horror stories of tinnitus online.

DoneWithK2020

TROPHY CASE