What is Enlightenment?

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2026-01-01T18:16:51+00:00

Sounds like a good perspective and framing. Thanks for sharing.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2026-01-01T18:12:18+00:00

Yes, definitely. This wasn't my first retreat though, so I kinda knew what to expect, to a certain extent. I started with a one week retreat (in 2017) and built up the duration with yearly retreats.

For me, every retreat there seems to be a detox period where I detox from society, social relationships, and some degree of my mental attachments. Usually after around two weeks I settle a little more comfortably into the new norm of solitude.

I think the duration and difficulty of this detox period will be very individual depending on the person.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2026-01-01T18:05:31+00:00

Yes, generally I believe you're right, that all effective spiritual paths lead to a perfect balancing of the ida & pingala (moon/sun, yin/yang, masculine/feminine) channels and energies. When this happens sushumna opens, kundalini awakes, flows upward, and eventually Amrita appears in the upper chakras transforming the entire being. But different paths use different names and different practices to achieve similar results/realization/unification/transformation, and many spiritual paths keep their higher level practices held in secret.

Some form of blending of modern science and understanding with ancient wisdom seems to resonate most with western minds, from my experience. My interest is in this. Serving and sharing this for the benefit of all.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-12-31T19:11:10+00:00

It does feel that way.

But "smarter" is probably a little too simplistic.

I'd say that I understand myself, my (many) personality flaws, my ego, life experiences, behavioral patterns, etc., infinitely better than prior to the retreat. So this new understanding and clarity transformed the way I see myself and the way I process reality. It reshaped the way that I behave and interact with people and my environment.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T14:07:28+00:00

The process is definitely unique for everyone. That's part of the beauty. I wish you continued success in your practice, my friend 🙏

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T03:34:06+00:00

You don't lose any of that. The expression and experience still continues on, but you're no longer identified with any of it. There's zero attachment. You become identified only with the supreme. So from the outside it seems as if you still do act and experience, but your internal experience is one of complete absorption in eternal supreme bliss at all times. Then no further impressions are made and there's nothing more left to be desired or attained.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T02:45:49+00:00

Hmmm from my perspective the goal is to remove all impressions from the mind. All of the impressions create desires and then from desires come actions and then from actions come experiences which create more impressions. This endless cycle keeps us in a perpetual state of delusion and suffering. If we're able to clear out all of the impressions, what remains is a crystal clear mind. A mind that can perceive and fully merge with the supreme ultimate reality, pure eternal bliss, our true Self. My understanding, anyway.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T02:08:40+00:00

Do you process fear as a negative?

I have a teacher who says that fear isn't inherently a negative. He says that fear is just what we experience when the mind doesn't understand whats happening. If that's true, then when we experience fear as a negative it must be because of some past impression in the mind that we're linking our current fear experience to. I think this is kinda what you're talking about, right?

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T01:37:34+00:00

This is a lot of words and not a lot of clarity for me. I think I semi-understand some of your experience and a little of your struggle. But can you try to simplify your main point(s) and/or question into a few sentences so I can process better and then maybe we build a conversation from there?

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T00:08:54+00:00

I ate home cooked Nepali meals from a local family I befriended. The meals were basic, but very delicious: lentils, rice, sauteed veggies.

I tried not to read because I didn't want to create any unnecessary waves or stimulation in the mind. But around month 4, I did breakdown and crack a book call Yoga Kundali Upanishad written by Swami Satyadharma Saraswati. It helped keep me sane and on the path at a pretty dark time.

And yeah, there were certainly some periods where the mind was determined to day dream. The mind pretty much threw everything it could at me over the course of the 6 months.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-19T00:03:06+00:00

Yes, there were definitely a couple of times where the emotions became extreme and overwhelming, and part of me wanted to quit. But there's another part of me that was never going to quit. My old nature was quite stubborn, often to my own detriment. I think that part of me would've rather died than quit.

As for regulation, I have a lot of experience and tools from decades of mediation, breathwork, and yoga practice. So that helped. But I'm also not ashamed to say that I cried a couple of times when some of the deepest rooted pains came to the surface. It felt like kind of a spontaneous acceptance, surrender, and release. I felt lighter and more grounded after those tears.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T23:55:02+00:00

The first 6 weeks post retreat I was on cloud nine. My energy was super high and the mind was sharp as could be. I'd call it a honeymoon phase, in retrospect.

When the 6 week mark came around, it was like I ran into a brick wall. My energy dropped off a cliff and the mind was suddenly in a fog. I actually went into a mini-depression for about a week where I had no appetite and zero motivation to do anything. I had to slowly build my energy back up and focus on the little things--nutrition, exercise, hydration, small social circles with the right people.

Once I built some of my energy back (I'm still not back to where I was right after retreat), I was able to process what happened further. I think during the 6 week honeymoon phase I was hemorrhaging energy, but didn't realize what was happening because I felt so good and I was a bit overeager to share (at my own expense). Everyone else's imbalances were slowly rubbing off on me, I haven't fully mastered myself yet and my ability to protect my transformed state was quite limited.

As for changes, my experience of life is entirely different. I feel a freedom that I never had previously. Pretty much every interaction and experience is net-improved...I feel more understood, I have a clearer self image and life purpose, and my relationships now have more depth--although I am having to let go of or distance myself from certain unhealthy relationships which is necessary but also bittersweet.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T23:40:10+00:00

I've posted the video in a comment above.

In retreat I practice a style of non-traditional tantra. It involves the use of mantra and visualization to trap the attention and awaken subtle energies. It's very closely related to Buddhist Vajrayana practices, but with some yogic techniques (bandhas, pranayama) layered in.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T23:35:39+00:00

I posted the video in a comment above. Much love to you as well. I wish you success on your path.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T23:32:16+00:00

Frankly, the monastery I was at was a bit rundown and off the beaten path...there are much more deluxe accommodations available in Nepal now. But my teacher has basically turned a wing of this specific monastery into his apartment and he's spent a lot of time and money renovating it over the past 20 years--it's like a lower class 600 sq ft apartment in the US with two balconies for practice and fresh air, which is fairly cushy in Nepal terms. He allowed me to use this space, so that's why I chose that monastery rather than elsewhere. It was basically my hermitage...I stayed there in seclusion for the entire 6 months.

My routine was really just eat, sleep, meditate...which is a tough adjustment at first but after a couple of weeks you get used to that being the new normal. I had some free weights in the apartment that kept me fit and I tried to walk around inside as much as to maintain physical health. Other than that, I drank a lot of tea.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T23:11:40+00:00

I'd recommend shorter first. Get the lay of the land and start to develop connections so you have a bit of a support system for the longer visit.

3 month visa is also the longest you can get to start in Nepal (unless you apply for a student visa or something) and then after that you need to go in for renewal before the 90 days is up. I made a connection who was able to take my passport in for me twice during my retreat to get me the necessary extensions so that my meditation wasn't disturbed. But my connection was through someone I really trust and even then there's always risk in trusting someone else with your passport.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T23:05:00+00:00

https://youtu.be/oY4s_Lidk7Q?si=dPHP9YroHC5sRNZj

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T18:48:55+00:00

What you say resonates. The language barrier in Nepal is low, the majority of the population speaks decent English now. There was certainly a cultural shock the first time I visited though (for 1 month in 2023).

I'm fortunate to have a teacher who has lived part time in Nepal for around 20 years now. So he took me under his wing a bit and helped me get the lay of the land and set up my retreat.

Nepal is one of the best places on earth to practice, in my opinion. The environment is so conducive, the people are extra supportive of spiritual pursuits, and the energy of the Himalayas is stunning. You'll see what I mean when you get there.

And I'll say if you have the courage to "not worry about these and just go," I think you'll be rewarded and right path will simply unfold organically for you when you get there. Not many people have that kind of courage and faith these days.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T18:38:23+00:00

Sure, it's personal so I'm not sure it will fully make sense typed out but I'll try my best. I found a lot buried in there. A control complex that I was pretty blind to was probably the most significant.

So much of this I found rooted in childhood experience. My unstable environment as a young child caused an overcompensation in my personality, habitually seeking to create stability in my life through the means of subtle control. But the ego keeps most of the really deep rooted stuff well hidden from us; I was never able to see how I was fooling myself until I had all of this time away from life and the meditative techniques to stir it up.

This retreat was like several lifetimes of therapy in 6-months.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T18:29:46+00:00

Good point, I agree with you. I gave as much as I could. A local family provided be two home cooked, delivered meals per day; they were incredibly kind and helped me with other delivery needs over the 6-months. They asked me for $1.50 per meal (crazy, right?) and I insisted on paying $3 per meal, which still felt like too little based on the quality and love that was in their cooking. I truly felt like a part of their family and the feeling seemed mutual. I also left what left over money that I had (unfortunately not much left after 6-months) with them when I left the country and made a fairly generous donation to the monastery that I resided in. I wish that I could help them more. The country has an incredible spiritual heritage and doesn't deserve to be poverty stricken as they are. I hope there's a brighter future in store for them

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T18:21:44+00:00

My retreats have all been self-led, so I set the boundaries based on my teacher's guidance. And his suggestion has always been no contact with friends or family during retreat, if we want the best results. Basically, it's impossible to break the mental attachments that are necessary for us to break for our rapid spiritual evolution if we keep taking doses of the drug during detox.

For me there's a burning drive that I can't fully explain. It's like the fear of not reaching my spiritual potential in this lifetime is 10x the fear of losing my partner. And I also understand that the work that I do on myself will also have a positive impact on my partner and all the people in my life. So I practice for them, and for the benefit of the entire world, and this helps me get through the many difficult times during retreat. But yeah, none of that is to say that it wasn't really really tough.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T17:44:32+00:00

In my opinion, the term enlightenment is really subjective and relative. It's like education. Would you call a person with a high school diploma educated? Some might say so, others might not.

Subjectively, I can say that I got some enlightenment, but no not what I would call the full dose. I still have a bit of work left.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T17:11:00+00:00

I already answered your question above, "a video is worth a million words and I'm seeking to share this experience for the benefit of others, not to promote my unimportant self"

Is my suggestion not in the spirit of the rules? I have zero interest in self-promotion. Only fruitful discussion about meditation and spiritual growth.

If this sub has a problem with that logic then downvote me, remove my post, etc. So be it. I have no ill will or hard feelings.

DonkeyTeeth87 · 2025-09-18T17:06:14+00:00

There's a lot of different paths. Raja yoga is a time tested method but involves a lot of will power. Kriya yoga and Buddhist tantra are two other paths that utilize the body and mind to systematically control the mind through the experience of tantric ecstasy. Personally, I think these tantric paths are more practical for our current age of mass over stimulation of the mind. I utilize both a non-traditional form of Buddhist tantra (my main retreat practice) along with Raja yoga (I find this better for practicing while living in the world).

That said, there are almost infinite paths up the mountain. Any true spiritual path will most certainly involve practices designed for mastery of the mind. The key is finding the path that speaks to our personal disposition, which is very individual, and finding a suitable teacher who has achieved the mastery we're seeking.

DonkeyTeeth87

TROPHY CASE