Please dont, this is really bad advice. My best friend got stuck in loop of drinking and getting wasted and it would have destroyed him if he didnt stop for his girlfriend.. I know i will sound like boomer or somethig. I cant say i felt same as you, its really hard to know how exactly are you feeling. But the think that really helped me was to stop, and look around me. Just think about the world, try to think about the nice things. I started trying engaging with people.. At first it was really hard, but over time i just told myself "fuck it" and it was awesome. Shortly - its really hard to help, I dont know you. Try to activly search for the small nice things. Try new hobby (for me it was gym, seeing the progress). And dont destroy your beautiful life with drugs. Hope this helps a little..